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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Their arrogance is trumped only by their incompetence. Or, the dog ate my homework. See what I mean.

Air America Radio launches at noon today. You can see their lineup and register (for free) to listen to live streaming audio at their website. If you don't want to register (or if there are technical difficulties), you can listen via either one of these two radio stations' online broadcast, KPOJ Portland or WLIB New York.

Mr.Tibbs decided last night that it was time to let Coco know who is king of the jungle. First, he eats all of the food in her bowl even though he has the exact same food in his own bowl. And then Nathalie watched as he demonstrated the passive aggression cats are known for. He left a present in Coco's litterbox and just left it there without burying it like he usually does in his own box. This must be the cat equivalent of leaving the lid up because Coco went over and tried to cover it up herself. Then while we're eating dinner, he held her down and mounted her. They wrestled some more thoughout the night, mostly playfully, and she even chased him around a little bit.
But he has put her on notice that he's top cat, King Tibby. So we'll be keeping them separated at night and during the day for a while longer.

Boo-frickin-hoo. Poppy Bush is upset that the mean bullies are picking on his little baby Dubya. Poppy said that it is "deeply offensive and contemptible" that "elites and intellectuals on the campaign trail" have been critical of post-war Iraq and the lack of progress in stabilizing the country. He added, "There is something ignorant in the way they dismiss the overthrow of a brutal dictator and the sowing of the seeds of basic human freedom in that troubled part of the world." This coming from the man who passed on the opportunity to depose of Saddam after the first Iraq War and after more than a decade of aiding and abetting Saddam's atrocities. The man who headed the CIA during the 1970s when there just happened to be more than a few governments violently overthrown in Latin and South America. The man who was up to his neck in Iran-Contra. George Herbert Walker Bush, former Prez and Vice Prez, multimillionaire Yale-educated son of a U.S. Senator. Definitely the person to be talking about "elites." I can understand his problem with intellectuals given his sons (especially Neil with those hookers). Oh, and where did this pity parade take place? At the National Petrochemical and Refiners Association annual convention, a group which probably has many who will benefit from the privatization of Iraq's oil fields.
But I'm just an obsessed crackpot, so I'm sure that this is all overreacting on my part.

After touting the many benefits of outsourcing while Shrub was in Wisconsin (80,000 manufacturing jobs lost on Shrub's watch) talking about the magic of free trade, Treasury Secretary John Snow shows just how much credibility the administration has left.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Mr.Rove's Neighborhood. In case you were wondering, this is where KKKarl Rove lives.
This is a bulk distributor of eggs. And this is The Official Ninja Webpage.

Fortune cookie says, "Keep your plans secret for now." If I were to have any plans, which I am not admitting to, then I would definitely keep them secret. Especially if said plans, which may or may not exist, included world domination and appointing myself supreme chancellor, and as my first act as supreme chancellor, establishing the four-day workweek (see 2/12/04 archived post for details).

Tired of paying more at the pump? Well, get used to it. The Saudis have backed an OPEC supply cut. You have to wonder why these men are laughing.
Saudi Arabia, homeland of 15/19 hijackers. Good thing we taught those Iraqis a lesson.

And proving once again that the buck stops somewhere else, Bushco blames Congress for the higher gas prices. Pretty soon, they're going to run out of other people to blame. Bad WMD intelligence? CIA's fault. Problems in Iraq? Evildoers. Bad economy? The media hyping a "march to war." And when all else fails, blame it on Clinton's penis.

The Zero-Spin Zone. Air America Radio, the new all-progressive radio station, launches tomorrow. Al Franken will be on the air opposite O'Lielly and Rush with his show, "The O'Franken Factor." If his show is as good as his last book, then it will be three hours of fun and frivolity at the expense of the rightwing fruitcakes....mmm, fruitcake.
Right now, they're only going to be on the air in a few markets, but I'm hoping that they will be streaming over the web. If that's the case, I'll certainly post a link.

In the meantime, if the rumors are true, then Bushco truly knows no bounds. But you already knew that, didn't you?
(thanks to Des for passing this one along)

If you're a junkie like me, then you'll be thrilled to hear that Bushco has agreed to let Condi testify in public under oath. They "agreed" the same way that my younger brother used to "agree" to let me watch what I wanted on television after I had him immobilized him with a full-nelson (I stopped this type of practice when it finally started to hurt when he hit back...about two years ago). I can't wait for the moment when someone asks Condi about her patently false statement in 2002 that "nobody could have imagined" that terrorists would hijack planes and use them as missiles. Maybe this will be the moment when it becomes abundantly clear that not only is she a liar but that she is an incompetent one at that.
Also at the end of this story, note how the Bushies are going to use the CIA to vet Clarke's prior testimony in order to search for possibly contradictory statements which they'll then partially declassify. Isn't that sort of practice illegal? And wouldn't that meet the criteria for the Republican crying-uncle mantra, "partisan politics"?

Monday, March 29, 2004

Rollback on discourse, aisle eleven. More good news, "Time Inc. to launch magazine for Wal-Mart." The magazine, to be named "All You," will be geared toward the "value-conscious" woman, and it will "inspire, not patronize" its readers. Great, all we need is for women who shop at Wal-Mart to get all uppity. The magazine will feature articles such as, "Harmless Groups or Commie Front? The Truth About Workers' Unions," "How to Make Child Labor Work for You," "Holdin' It In: Bathroom Breaks are for the Weak," and the monthly advice column on how to maximize Wal-Mart employee benefits, "Dear Don't Get Sick."
Screw you, Wal-Mart. I hate you. Fistfuls of hate.

Thomas the Tank Engine asks, "I'm curious, did you name [Coco] after the gorilla or that stripper you knew in Roanoke?"
One in the same, my friend.

Rejected names for Coco: Red, Quattro, Junior Abernathy, Sweet, Marble(d), Puddinhead, Winnie, and my favorite reject name, Cracker.

And we're baaaaack! Back with a vengeance. Back in black. Back to the future. Back in the saddle again. Usually what happens is that I start out a little slow on Monday, get in a groove by late Tuesday, hit a fevered pitch on Thursday, and by Friday I'm primed for the loony bin. So it's good that I took the weekend to stabilize.

If you missed the 9/11 commission testimony last week, The Daily Show has a good highlight reel. By far, the most talked about part is Richard Clarke's testimony on Bushco's activities pre-9/11. On Friday, Bill Frist essentially accused Clarke of perjury, saying that Clarke's testimony before another commission should be declassified to see if Clarke gave contradictory testimony. When pressed on the issue, Frist admitted that he really had no basis for his accusation, and that he had no idea really whether or not there would be any contradictions. And then on Sunday, Clarke appeared on Meet the Press with Tim "Company Man" Russert to answer some of the charges made against him by the Bushies. To Frist's charge that he may have perjured himself, Clarke called Frist's bluff and said that while they're at it, declassify all of his and Condi's emails too. Message to Frist: don't play poker with the highrollers. Another rightwing talking point was that Clarke had sent a polite letter to Shrub when he resigned, and so of course Clarke must be lying about everything. To this, Clarke pulled out a handwritten note from Shrub thanking him for his service. Touche.
Clarke also read some excerpts from Bob Woodward's book, "Bush at War," in which Shrub himself said that pre-9/11 he wasn't all that concerned about al-Qaida.
Bottom line: Unlike other Bush critics, Clarke isn't backing down.
And does anyone really buy Condi's excuses as to why she can't testify under oath in public?

Karl Rove had some unexpected visitors over the weekend. I love this story. Rove is just one more reason to get rid of Shrub come November. This slimy p.o.s. needs to be taken down a few rungs, and a Bushco defeat would do the trick.

I'm going to get some lunch. When I get back, we'll chat.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Say Hello to Coco. We adopted a second cat this weekend, and we've given her the name of Coco. As you can see, she's a cutie. Mr.Tibbs is very curious about her, if anything he is disappointed that she won't play with him. At 9 pounds, she is quite a bit smaller than he is, but when she hisses, he understands and backs away (further proof that he is the best cat in the world). She spent much of yesterday and earlier today under the bed and under the couch, but she has been in the living room all night, settling into the big comfy chair. We'll keep them separated for the first week or two at night and during the day while we're gone, but we're hoping that they'll become best pals, and maybe Mr.Tibbs won't get so lonesome during the day and while we're away.

Diet Coke with Lime. It's liquid crack. You must try it.

Fun with Cowbells. At bikeraces and running races, spectators line up alongside the route and cheer on the participants as they pass by with some in the crowd bringing along cowbells to ring and encourage the bikers/runners as they pass by. Along the C & O Canal stretching from Georgetown to Maryland, lots of people go running, biking, walking, or rollerblading on the weekends. I think it would be fun to take a couple of lawnchairs and park ourselves along the canal, and ring cowbells and cheer as people pass by.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Luxury Living at its finest. So Sunday night, we had the whizzing bandit. And then Wednesday, I get in the elevator after getting home from work, and when the door closes, I see that it has streaks of blood on it. Not "Carrie" or "The Shining" amounts of blood, but a little more than just a drop. Get up to our floor, and then there's some more smeared on the wallpaper in the hallway. Lovely.
Then this morning, I'm waiting for the elevator, and I notice that someone has thrown up on the molding along the wall. It was either spew or somebody spilled some Campbells chunky clam chowder. I didn't do a taste test, but I'm fairly certain it wasn't soup.
I'm a little concerned about what type of bodily fluids we'll run across next. As one friend said, "here's to not finding a pile of crap later."

And now, more cute cats!!!

"She is not a mutant." Lilly is a four-eared German kitten who was adopted by a "completely normal family" this week. A worker at the animal shelter said, “She hasn’t been ostracized by the other cats at all. She’s a bundle of energy but likes to be cuddled.” This is in stark contrast to the treatment that Trey, the 3-headed frog has reportedly received from the other schoolyard frogs, especially this blobby, grumpy frog.
(thanks to Lisa for passing along this story)

Here's another monocranial grumpy frog.

Linkin Rock and Kid Bizkit. Compare these two Billboard top 100 charts, and you tell me what is the better period for music. First, the current top 100 chart, and then the list as it was ten years ago. Just in the top 20 from a decade ago, you've got "Superunknown," "Mellow Gold," "Siamese Dream," and "Doggy Style," and "The Downward Spiral." Yes, you do have to wade through a lot of other crap, and Ace of Base was number one, but that "sign" song was kinda catchy like the SARS. But what's up there now? Jessica Simpson, Nickelback, and Maroon 5? Chingy? Chingy, you're no Snoop Doggy Dogg. Hell, the "Passion of the Christ" soundtrack is at #24.

See? I got nuthin today.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Monkey washing cat? Funny. Criminals joking about their crimes? Not funny. Here's a story with video of Bush joking about the amazing disappearing nonexistent WMD.
I know that sometimes I might blow smaller stories out of proportion, but not this time. This goes to the core of his character. He really just doesn't give a shit.

My legal counsel is advising that I make tomorrow No-Politics Friday. I'm going to take her advice. Besides, have you watched that monkey washing the cat?

And now, a monkey washing a cat.

"It's not just us." The Dreyfuss Report doesn't think it's funny either. David Corn of The Nation also finds little humor in the Bush jokes about WMD, "Imagine if Lyndon Johnson had joked about the trumped-up Gulf of Tonkin incident that he deceitfully used as a rationale for U.S. military action in Vietnam: 'Who knew that fish had torpedoes?'"

Just one more reason to hate Dubya. From the SF Chronicle:
    President Bush poked fun at his staff, his Democratic challenger and himself Wednesday night at a black-tie dinner where he hobnobbed with the news media.

    Bush put on a slide show, calling it the "White House Election-Year Album" at the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association 60th annual dinner, showing himself and his staff in some decidedly unflattering poses.

    There was Bush looking under furniture in a fruitless, frustrating search. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere," he said.

Take a look over to the right at the "Cost of the War in Iraq Counter." Then read that excerpt again.
Hell with all of them.

Bitch-slappin' to the oldies. Exercise maven Richard "The Hurricane" Simmons took offense at someone's sarcastic comment about his videos, so he did the logical thing and slapped the offender. Now, if you were slapped by Richard Simmons, wouldn't you just want to let it go? Would you really want to prolong the incident by pressing charges, thus going down in history as the guy who filed charges against Richard Simmons for being smacked around? I'd think not, but then again, I use "normal person" logic.

The Truth Is Out There. Holy crap! The alien bounty hunter from X-Files is running for U.S.Congress out of New Mexico.....yes, that's right, New Mexico, home of the Roswell Incident of 1947. Coincidence? I think not.

Googling for Oba, Part II. Apparently, this wasn't the only blog that Oba googled. He also went here, but I feel left out because he left comments on the other blog. I'm guessing he didn't wade through my archives; he was probably too busy gearing up for the revolution.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Googling for Oba. Two people have reached YLH today via internet searches for Oba Opesanmi, the young lad featured in the March 15 post regarding the celebration/rioting in College Park after Maryland beat Duke in the ACC tourney finals. If you'll remember, Oba said, "I've never been to a riot before, and I wanted to get in on the action" after posing triumphantly in his socks and gym shorts in front of a police line. If either the great Oba himself or his friends are reading this, I will type slower so that you can fully understand what I am about to say.....Oba, you are a jackass. This is what it means to "get in on the action." This too. Here's to you and your 15 minutes of internet fame, Oba Opesanmi.

9/11 Hearings. From this morning's session still in progress, "Commission member Bob Kerrey, a former Democratic senator, zeroed in on what he said were severe shortcomings in the plan adopted by the Bush administration to fight bin Laden's al Qaeda organization just days before Sept. 11. 'I was briefed this morning on [the Bush] plan. I would say fortunately for the administration it's classified because there's almost nothing in it,' he said." Ooh, snap! You can watch a live feed. But you can't see Condi because of the "principles" cited by Bushco of the separation of powers between the legislative and executive branches. Of course, Shrub could waive this, but we can't let a silly thing like the most important investigation of our lifetime get in the way of principles. Plus, she's got too much on her plate with all those cable news interviews.

When I'm 58 years old, I can only hope to be as ornery as Jesse Ethredge. Thanks to my sister for passing along this link. She's the least likely member of the family to end up in Gitmo. That's not to say that she's not politically active, because she has a history of activism in her city, tracking down and confronting people who don't pick up after their dogs when the dogs crap in front of her apartment building. Interestingly enough, she also has a tale of getting the shaft in O.M. (as does my ex-pat brother, see his comments on the 3/20 OM post). My older brother doesn't have an O.M. story, he was too busy getting stoned down at the quarry with his air-band.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Wheelchairs for animals. See it all here. They've even got success stories.
[NOTE: This post was in accordance with No-Politics Tuesday, a new feature on YourLogoHere]

Monday, March 22, 2004

Be a YourLogoHere Campaign Donor!
I'd like to think that I provide a valuable service here, whether that be giving you a diversion while you're at work, providing you with up-to-date information on the latest Bushco shenanigans, giving you the latest news on two-headed turtles, regaling you with stories about my youth, or simply allowing you to feel like a better person for not succumbing to the same level of obsession with Creed and politics that plagues me. And I really don't ask for much in return other than not to be called a puppy-kicker.

I'm not here to ask for money for myself. I'll save that for another next week. Tonight I'm asking that if you are tired of living with the Bush administration's lies, deceptions, and crony capitalism, please drop some coins for the Kerry campaign. Whether it's $1, $10, or $100, you can help send Shrub back to Crawford this November.

To the right, I've added a link to the Kerry campaign website where you can make a donation. If you donate through the link on this site, I can keep a tally of how much money we've collectively raised to help reclaim Middle Earth and end the Bush junta's control of the White House. Nathalie and I have kicked things off with two donations totaling $75, and I will regularly update the totals. I know that a lot (okay, most) of my readers are poor and/or in debt like me, and you probably don't have a lot of cash to be throwing around. But it's like Sally Struthers says, for the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can make a difference. And if you don't want to donate to Kerry but want to support Democratic candidates for office, you can donate to the Democratic National Committee.

There is no pressure to take part in this. None at all. But know that if Bushco wins in November, you will have to deal with four more years of my bitching.

We deserve better than Bush.

A Slight Spot of Pee. After seven weeks in the shop, we finally got back our Saturn last week. It seems to drive as it did before the Superbowl Sunday accident, the inside was detailed and looking better than even when we bought it, and the outside was nice and shiny. So of course, we want to protect the car and make sure that it stays in good condition since another accident will surely total it out. I would post before and after pictures of the car, but the YLH legal counsel has advised against it until all legal actions have been completed.

Last night, we went down to the parking garage to take the Saturn out to run a couple of errands. Walking to the car, we noticed a puddle below the driver's side door, and there was dried liquid on the window and streaks down the side of the door. "What the fu?" I say, not knowing what the source of the mystery fluids was. Curious, I got a tissue out of the car, dipped it in the puddle, and then had a bit of a sniff. "It's piss...somebody effing pissed on our car." To be sure, Nathalie smelled the tissue as well, and she concurred with my detective work. Not wanting to grab a urine-tainted door handle, we opted to take the Bushmobile out instead. But before leaving, Nathalie went to the concierge's desk and told the person there, "Someone pissed on our car." The person dutifully wrote up an incident report, and we were on our way after I had washed my hands.

We have two competing theories to explain what I have dubbed the Whizzing Bandit. Theory one argues that we were the random victims of some drunk asshole who came home late Saturday night and decided that it would be funny to urinate on someone's car. This explanation is supported by the amount of pee puddle that had dried, an amount that suggests the pee originated late at night when the likelihood of being seen was low. The incident could also be kharmic payback for the time 10 years ago when I watched and laughed as a friend pissed on someone's car in the parking lot of the Pizza Den. So I know that such random acts do occur.

The second theory claims that this was a politically motivated piss-crime. Background info: Our parking garage has pull-through parking, meaning that there are three cars in a column, with one car being sandwiched in between two others so as to maximize space usage. Generally, the Bushmobile is sandwiched between someone else's car and our Saturn. Conceivably then, for someone who doesn't know any better, the Bushmobile could belong to either us with our Saturn, or the person with the car on the other side of the sandwich. The Bushmobile is named such because I have put on it the bumper stickers "Bush Lies," "Leave No Millionaire Behind," and "Regime Change Starts at Home."
The piss-crime theory argues that some rightwing jackass saw the Bushmobile, disapproved of the bumperstickers, and decided to piss on the Saturn as retribution for saying mean things about Bushie. But this theory requires us to believe that the person 1)knew that both cars belong to us, and 2)made the decision to piss on the Saturn because it was the nicer car even though it is not adorned with any bumperstickers.

I'm leaning toward the random-act theory because I think that anyone going to the trouble of pissing on a car to make a political statement wouldn't want to risk their message being lost in a puddle on the ground beside another car. If you're going to piss on someone's car for that reason, you're going to be proud of your actions, so you're going to piss on the right car even if it isn't as new and shiny. I also think that the fact that the urine was confined to only one area of the car suggests that it was a drunk person who couldn't hold it in. An angry wingnut would have wanted the greatest urine coverage possible.

But if it the Whizzing Bandit strikes again, we will have to revisit our theories.

The Great eBay WMD Auction began Friday night at 9p.m. EST, one year after the bombs started to fall on Baghdad. "Everyone else was making money off of this fraudulent war, so I figured why shouldn't I cash in on a fraud of my own," is how David (my older and questionably wiser brother) later described his inspiration for this.

The auction started off rather modestly and had tallied up about 45 hits by Saturday evening with a winning bid of about $2.50....not a bad price for weapons of mass destruction that don't exist. I called David in Alaska and asked him just how much exposure he wanted this auction to have because if he wanted, I could fan the flames a little bit.

Having a green light, I created this discussion thread on Democratic Underground. I started the thread at 9:13 p.m. Saturday night, and by 9:44 the auction had 150 hits and a high bid of $88.00. After another twenty minutes, the high bid was at $5100.00. The auction broke the 10K mark at 10:37, and at 12:23a.m. the price hit $27,755. If you don't believe me, look at the screenshot that I saved.

It was pretty amazing to watch all this happening in real time, and I went to bed wondering if I'd be awoken by an unamused FBI breaking down my door since I had bid on the auction. Didn't happen, but I did wake up at 4a.m. with my right arm completely asleep, it was just flopping around like rubber, and I had that momentary thought of, "What if it's been like this for a couple of hours and it's just dead now?" but then the feeling started to come back.

As you could have probably guessed, eBay was either tipped off or they found the auction on their own, but it was cancelled at 4:45 early Sunday morning. At the time, the high bid was around $28K. So nobody won the WMD that they were promised not to receive.

As proof that the internet can quickly make a celebrity out of anyone, David received a call early Sunday from a Los Angeles talk-radio show asking him if he'd like to go on the air and talk about his auction. He was a little skeptical, but the host assured David that the show was the token left-wing program. So for five minutes yesterday, he was on the air explaining the reason why he held the auction, part of which he said, "I was just looking for a way to get mentioned on my brothers blog,"
As of last night, David had not been detained by the Department of Homeland Security as an enemy combatant, but we haven't given up hope quite yet.

Preview for 3/22/04: eBay WMD fallout; panhandling for 04; pissing on cars

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Two minutes to think, eight minutes to respond. And eleven years to remember.
During sophomore year of high school, a friend wanted to organize a team to participate in Odyssey of the Mind, a sort of academic/creativity competition. He asked me to join, and having nothing else better to do with my time, I figured why the hell not. Our team met a few times a week after school for a few months to work on our project (designing a way to have a chain-reaction involving eight different types of events by the simple dropping of a ball to start it all). We placed 1st in the regional competition, qualifying us for the state competition being held at William & Mary. We worked for another month, and then we placed 1st at the state competition, qualifying us for the OM World Finals which were held in Boulder, CO, that year. At World's, we placed 16th out of 48, but the real thrill was having a free weeklong trip to Colorado and getting to miss a week of school.

In 11th grade, we decided again to compete. Hopes were running high, and we were confident about taking another regional title. But, we had a rough start. The team was quickly bogged down by in-fighting and a struggle of visions and egos. At a secret meeting in October of 1992, four of us decided that there was only one viable solution. Two days later we kicked off the team the very same person who had organized the team the year before. You could say that we were drunk on power, and we'd lost the true vision of what OM was about. Or you could say that we were completely pathetic taking the measure of kicking someone off an OM team. But at the time, it just made sense. And in retrospect, it's a good thing that despite all our best efforts to the contrary, the guy was relatively mentally stable and didn't have access to firearms.

We worked harder and longer hours that year, determined to repeat as regional champions. I still didn't really have anything else better to do with my time. At the regional competition, we clearly had the best project (the "problem" was to design a vehicle powered by a mechanical jack, and you got points for the number of laps completed in a given time plus style points). But there is also a "spontaneous" competition where you go into a room, and you are given a task to work on. Usually, you would have two minutes to discuss the problem with your team, and then eight minutes to respond. Because of a poorly worded problem description and a hostile group of judges, we approached the task incorrectly, and the result was that we got few points for that portion of the competition. Consequently, we ended up only placing 2nd, ending our dreams of another run at the state championship.

The team dissolved shortly after the regional competition. None of us were ever quite the same. Ryan spiraled into his own private hell suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. He washed his hands until they bled. Kristi started turning tricks downtown on Salem Avenue. This was an even sadder tale because she couldn't make any money, and she had to get a job at the mall. Scott B just one day wandered off into the woods mumbling "We meet again, Dr.Jones." Brent emerged relatively unscathed since he hadn't been on the team the year before, so he hadn't drunk the sweet nectar of OM victory. I'm not exactly sure what happened to Scott C, last I heard he was directing snuff films in the O.C. As for me, I was holed-up in a cheap Roanoke motel for six weeks that summer, and the only people that I had any contact with were the pizza delivery guy, and my dealer who would come by every other day until I couldn't even pay him for a bottle of aspirin. If it hadn't been for Sharon Osbourne, I probably would have died.

That day when we lost our innocence was eleven years ago today. We will never forget.

(Note: This is based on actual events, and some liberties have been taken with certain facts....though we really did kick someone off an OM team, sadly that part is true.)

Place your bid now! You can be the winner of Iraq's WMD. (my source misinformed me on the start date). I've currently got the high bid of 15 cents!

Friday, March 19, 2004

"You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.". From the Salon War Room:
    The president's supporters getting suited up for the 2004 campaign could be dismayed by what they see on the labels of their Bush-Cheney '04 gear. Newsday reports that the Bush campaign's official merchandise Web site "has sold clothing made in Burma, whose goods were banned by Bush from the U.S. last year to punish its military dictatorship."

    Newsday received a jacket from embroidered with the Bush-Cheney '04 logo and bearing a label stating it was made in Burma, now Myanmar. "The jacket was sent to Newsday as part of an order that included a shirt made in Mexico and a hat not bearing a country-of-origin label," the paper said. "The imports are potentially an issue because outsourcing has become a hot political topic in the election."

    Also an issue, and perhaps a more important one, is the fact that last year Bush signed into law the Burmese Freedom and Democracy Act which states: "The United States will not waver from its commitment to the cause of democracy and human rights in Burma."

    "Violators of the import ban are subject to fines and jail, according to the U.S. Treasury Department. Burmese textile workers earn as little as 7 cents per hour, according to the National Labor Committee, a human rights group," Newsday reports.

    "If it is true, it is very contradictory because the sanctions were imposed by the Bush administration," said Bo Hla-Tint, a spokesman for the Burmese government-in-exile in Washington, D.C.

Almost as good as when Shrub was giving a speech in a shipping plant, and overzealous Bushco workers had put tape over boxes that said "Made in China." This is also illegal. Not that anyone cares.

You can find it on eBay. David has informed me that he will be auctioning off Iraq's weapons of mass destruction tomorrow starting at 6pm Pacific time. From the description:
    Oh, George, you silly monkey!

    You took us to war to find them - but where'd they go?

    Don't worry -- now YOU can own the genuine article!

    As (not quite yet) seen on TV! As promised by screeching right-wing talk radio! As advertised by George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, and Colin Powell!

    Don't let that smoking gun be a mushroom cloud in your neighbor's yard! Be the first on your block to own the fabled WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

    Don't be fooled by cheap imitations -- don't be fooled by bullshit intelligence -- don't be fooled by ideologically-driven, unelected, war-bloated American officials!

    You'll never get tired of your very own supply of WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

    Buy now, while the buyin's good! Those cannisters of sarin gas aren't getting any more potent! That uranium from Niger ain't gettin' any more weaponized! Act now, and you'll enjoy hours of fun with the entire family. Recreate the DRAMA and the THRILL of the rush to war -- RE-ENACT the shameful Congressional capitulation, and VOTE to authorize the head of your household to declare war -- write your own FOX-NEWS-STYLE theme song as you and your family spy on your make-believe United Nations SECURITY COUNCIL -- lie to the press (and see how fun it is to get away with it!) -- Create fear and loathing throughout the world as you pursue your NEOCONSERVATIVE, FUCKED UP, apocalyptic end-times FANTASY!!!!

Bidding starts at 50 cents. (That is if those fascists over at eBay don't yank the auction before it has a chance to go up.....though they didn't catch this sale of evidence of WMD before it went up)

I'm so thankful for my brothers. They make me feel like I'm not the crazy one.

R.I.P. J.J. Jackson. One of MTV's first VJs, J.J. Jackson died Wednesday night of an appartent heart attack. It is uncertain whether or not he was wearing one of his trademark leather jackets at the time. He was 62.
[Insert diatribe here about MTV not playing videos anymore, or when they do play videos, it's not the whole thing, and there's no longer the type of groundbreaking programming like "120 Minutes," "Liquid Television," or "Remote Control," and the hiring of Simon Rex in 1996 is still mindboggling to this day. End diatribe.]

Coming Soon: The YLH Patron Saint of Rock.

After Day 1 of the NCAA tourney, I am 12/16 in my picks, and two of my underdogs, Nevada and Manhattan (Go Jaspers!) won, hopefully putting me in contention in the AZ pool which rewards upset picks. Today, we're pulling for Western Michigan (Go Broncos!) to pull off an upset over Vanderbilt, and Louisville to beat 7th seeded Xavier.

One year later, the Post takes a look at just how wrong Bushco was about the Iraq War.

And in case you missed it, MoveOn has created a nifty little video of Rummy caught on tape.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

If only this election were decided on the issue of athletic ability. Kerry would beat Shrub in a landslide. Though Shrub did make for a cute cheerleader at Phillips Andover.

Woohoo redux. Jon Stewart has signed on for four more years with The Daily Show. This would be even better news if I still had cable.

Woohoo! Manhattan 75, Florida 60. Eeeexcellent.

Blame the gays. Sweet irony from The Hill
    The Christian Coalition of America (CCA), once a formidable political voice whose advocacy for traditional family values helped propel the Republican Party to power, finds itself at the center of a nasty divorce between top employees.
    The proceeding involves Tracy Ammons, CCA’s former Senate lobbyist and outreach coordinator, and Michele Combs, CCA vice president for communications and the daughter of CCA President Roberta Combs.
    Combs and Ammons were wed in December 1999, but their marriage soon disintegrated and was replaced with lawsuits, countersuits and even jail time over relatively small amounts of money that hinge on custody of their 3 1/2-year-old child.

Homicidal Maniacs For Bush. The Abu Hafs al-Masri Brigades, a group claiming to have ties to al Qaida and to be responsible for the Madrid bombings, issued a statement yesterday which among other things appears to be an endorsement of BC04. The group said that they couldn't think of any leader "more foolish than you (Bush), who deals with matters by force rather than with wisdom....Kerry will kill our nation while it sleeps because he and the Democrats have the cunning to embellish blasphemy and present it to the Arab and Muslim nation as civilization. Because of this we desire you (Bush) to be elected."
Upon hearing this, Shrub said, "See, I told y'all that there weren't no foreign leaders who done endorsed Sen.Kerry. Even them crazy bastard evildoers in al Qaida want me to win. Oh, and 9/11, 9/11, protect marriage, terror, 9/11."

Sure, there will be those who will argue that this group is just begging not to be thrown in the briarpatch, and they really do want Kerry but are just giving us a head-fake. So by this argument, the group actually is saying, "elect Kerry b/c he's weak on defense; we fear George Bush, ferocious leader of the infidels." But then you're trying to impose "rightwing logic" onto people operating off of "crazy person logic," and while there are many similarities, there are still subtle differences that prevent that conversion.

And as far as that group's name goes, "Brigade" must translate into something much cooler in arabic. Because when I hear "Brigade," I think of water balloons and peppermint.

For anyone who watched the Late Show last night, it will come as no surprise that Courtney Love was arrested early this morning for (allegedly) tossing a microphone stand at some unlucky guy. Earlier in the day, Mz.Love made a bizarre appearance on Letterman, and it was clear from the get-go that she was high on goofballs. You can watch a portion of the interview here. It was an absolute trainwreck.

I also finished filling out my NCAA bracket last night. Stanford over Kentucky in the finals. But I'll need Western Michigan and Manhattan both to make it into the Sweet 16 if I'm going to win. Go Jaspers!

R. Kelly had a little luck o' the Irish yesterday when a judge in Florida tossed out the charges of child pornography after it was ruled that photos showing him with underage girls were illegally seized. He's not all in the clear though, he still faces charges in another state.

Tired of your SUV? Daniel has the answer to all your problems over on his Polish blog.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Not only was Nitro the fastest, loudest, most shredding band ever. They may also have had the biggest hair. Joel swears that Michael Angelo wears a wig. I tend to agree. I encourage you to skim through the interview, Q#7 at a minimum. (link courtesy of Joel who reports that he no longer has the time or inclination to listen to old Nitro albums)

Happy St.Patricks Day! Everyone booze up and riot.

The Kerry campaign website has launched a new feature, DBunker. Here they take a piece of Bushco fiction or spin and lay out the facts. For example, they explain how the latest line from Bushco that Kerry "didn't support the troops" when he voted against the $87 Billion blank check for the Iraq war is a total misstatement of reality. In fact, it was Bush who tried to cut combat pay and payments to families upon soldier's deaths, and it was Bushco who has cut healthcare for vets and left it up to families to send body armor to their relatives serving in Iraq. And when one military unit got scrap metal from local businesses so as to put makeshift armor on their vehicles before deploying, Bushco sent letters out to other units suggesting that they do the same.
Problem is, with a lazy and docile media, the Bush lies get out there no matter how outrageous, and they are far too often left unchallenged. Just think of the "Al Gore invented the internet" story.

In the world of "wouldn't that be fun," John Kerry recently challenged Shrub to monthly debates. Shrub's time, of course, is far too precious. Lots of rodeos to go to, plenty of naps to take. Plus, Rove and company know that Kerry would mop the floor with Shrub. Kerry will be lucky if he gets three chances to debate Shrub before the election, and don't be surprised if Shrub pulls an Ahhnold and demands to have the questions ahead of time. But since FAUX News will probably get one of the debates, that probably wouldn't be a problem anyway. (Brit Hume: "Oh great President Bush, you're just so fantastic, how do you do it? Do you think that John Kerry looks French?")

The Onion once again proves that it is "America's Finest News Source." Check out the picture inset with the top news story, "Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament at Remote Island Fortress."

That wasn't so tough. No-Politics Tuesday was kinda fun, wouldn't you say? I rather enjoyed myself.

Of course, we all knew it wouldn't last for too long. This is the greatest thing. Ever. Entitled, "Iraq on the Record: The Bush Adminisrtation's Public Statements on Iraq," it is a searchable database of 237 misleading statements about the threat posed by Iraq. You can search by person (Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Condi, Powell), by subject, by keyword, and by date. It's almost as much fun as this video clip of SkeletoRummy being caught in a lie about a lie on "Face the Nation" this past Sunday morning. (For those w/o multimedia capabilities, you can read the transcript. For those with trouble reading, I'll type slower.)

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Unleash the fooking fury! Over at Tigerbeat, Kristin linked to a list of quotations, and they're either from Swedish guitar-rocker Yngwie Malmsteen or from the movieThis Is Spinal Tap. Example, "There are easier ways of playing this, but that's not the point."
I sent the link to my friend Joel who knows a thing or two about playing the guitar, and I know that he's got a few Yngwie Malmsteen albums. Also, Joel is someone who appreciates the musical stylings of Michael "Angelo" Batio, the "world's fastest guitar player," inventor of the double-guitar, and fomer member of Nitro, the world's fastest band. So I knew that he'd enjoy figuring out which quotes belong to fictional eccentric guitar players and which belong to actual eccentric guitar players. He wrote back and said this:
    yeah, i knew that one would be ST. yngwie plays things his way, and that's how it is. my fave is "When I was asked to play slower, I said "This is slower." that one is great because i have some instructional videos by him, and he sometimes plays an example 'slowly' and it's still absurdly fast. he's hilarious. my favorite yngwie tale is a recent one. he and his band were on a plane in first class. yngwie was asleep. his band mates were making inappropriate comments (not directly to anyone) about homosexuals. well this woman gets up and pours a pitcher of water on yngwie and band members in close proximity. yngwie wakes up and shouts, "OH YOU'VE UNLEASHED THE FOOKING FURY!!". hahahaha. there's a soundclip of it online somewhere. i'll have to find it for you. the joke there is (aside from his swedish accent) that a lot of his lyrics are similar to Dio, about fury, dragons, wizards, etc., and apparently he speaks in person the same way he writes lyrics.

But don't take our word for it, listen to the clip and hear for yourself.

And the Sheen dynasty continues. Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen had their baby last week. The baby was immediately arrested and entered into a drug rehab program. Charlie said of the birth, "It's pretty interesting, Sam was born on 3/9 and I was born on 9/3. She was born at 10:57 p.m. and I was born at 10:58. We've definitely got a connection." Yeah, not to mention that she's your frickin daughter!. He added, "And also, Sam and I have both spent a lot of time inside Denise, so we've got that going for us."

No-Politics Tuesday!!! To follow up on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and why it was a good night there, a few people were inducted last night. Among them were Prince, Jackson Browne, George Harrison as a solo artist, and ZZ Top. Because I grew up in SW Va, I have no affinity for ZZ Top. The only "rock" radio station in town kept ZZ Top in heavy rotation during the hair-metal phase, through the early grunge years, and into the rap-rock era. They still play early Bon Jovi and not as a goof. ZZ Top is played right after Kansas and right before Hootie. Ah, Hootie, where have you gone, and why did you have to tease us with your blowfish only to take them away?
ZZ Top were old then, and they're really old now. They've got a tour promotion deal with Depends undergarments. Ooh yeah, they've still got crazy long beards! But not the drummer! His perm and moustache made him crazy! And they all wear sunglasses! And they had that ZZ Top roadster! And did I mention the beards?

In other news, we'll finally get our car back from the garage today, seven weeks after the wreck. Big yay.

Monday, March 15, 2004

The local news just said that it was a good night for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. But really, when isn't it a good night for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Is there any other hall of fame that rocks quite like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Probably not.

My younger brother's apartment in Poland is probably being raided by the police right about now. Good luck getting back in the country, little bro.

I'm like a sick person with politics. I have my good days, and I have my bad days. I think today was one of my bad days. As per doctor's orders, tomorrow will be no-politics-Tuesday. If John Ashcroft issues a statement regarding how the power of prayer helped him through his surgery, you won't hear it from me. If Dick Cheney is caught in a bathtub pouring crude oil over his head while singing "It's Raining Men," then you'll have to read about it elsewhere. And if Shrub finally comes clean and admits to having been suspended from flying in the T.A.N.G. due to being caught with cocaine, I won't say a word.

Funny story about my older brother. In the very early years, he was a pretty good athlete. In 9th grade, he ran cross-country, track, and played basketball. I think it was the mystical powers of his puberty-moustache that gave him his abilities. But once he turned 15, he started to change. His hair in the back started to grow longer, but the hair on top stayed the same length. The evil magic of Ronnie James Dio mixed with the power chords of early Metallica, and he soon had a mullet to be reckoned with. His athletic abilities declined in direct proportion to the size of his mullet, and he traded in the basketball for an air guitar (a wooden tennis racket to be accurate). Lacking any real musical talent, he and his friends would videotape themselves playing in an air band. AC/DC, Megadeth, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Stryper--- you name it, they "played" it.
The air guitar was just the gateway to other deviant behavior. Before long, he was getting drunk at work before Xmas eve mass, being arrested for underage possession, dating girls who kept switchblades under the bed, and joining National Honor Society.
So now that you know the type of role model that I had to work from, maybe that will explain a few things.
(In fairness to my older brother, he was only arrested two or three more times, and he did end up getting a job at Subway working as a sandwich artist. He parlayed that into a PhD, but I could still kick his ass if I really wanted to.)

Pop Quiz, Hotshot.
"My parents went through this kind of thing with protests of Vietnam," said Jason Zarro, a sophomore computer science major. "Even though this is not of the same magnitude, it will be part of my history." (Wash Post via Wonkette)
Is this student describing his experience at:
a) a city council vote to reject the Patriot Act
b) a demonstration to denounce the wall being built to isolate Palestine
c) a sit-in to support higher wages for non-salaried university employees
d) a protest staged to oppose the one-year anniversary of the invasion of Iraq
e) a celebration/mini-riot after Maryland beat Duke in overtime to win the ACC men's basketball championship

If you answered "E," then I'm sorry to say that you're correct. There is no prize, only the sad confirmation that despite all the psychobabble about the younger generation having it tough and facing all sorts of new problems their parents didn't have to confront, this is truly one incredibly soft bunch of people. Doughy, even.

"I've never been to a riot before, and I wanted to get in on the action," said Oba Opesanmi, a freshman wearing only gym shorts and socks who had just posed triumphantly in front of the line of stern-faced police officers. "We killed Duke."
Yes, yes...this is exactly like placing a flower in the barrel of a rifle. If I had a dollar for every time that I'd posed in front of a police-line wearing only shorts and socks....

We love to gamble at Your Logo Here. I use the royal "we" because I'm a jackass. But I will never under any circumstances refer to myself in the third person, that is my solemn pledge to you.
It's NCAA tourney time, and so that means that I will spend hours researching the University of the Pacific's backcourt and how it will react to a Providence team that defeated UConn, B.C., and Seton Hall. My gut tells me this isn't the 12-5 seeding upset to go with. The Manhattan Jaspers are a better bet to knock off 5th-seeded Florida which has had an up and down season.
Since I won the pool at the U. of Az a few years back, I'm now obliged to participate every year until I've given back all my prior winnings and then some. I don't care for that brand of socialism.

A recent visitor commented,
    Are you not disturbed that the bombing promoted the ousting of the in-party? The printing of "Terror Works" t-shirts shouldn't be far behind.

The other possibility that I didn't mention is that many voters in Spain believed that the government had tried to cover-up al Qaeda's involvement in the bombings in favor of blaming ETA, and this was the decisive blow to the ruling party. Unlike here in the U.S., people elsewhere actually get a little ticked off when they suspect they are being lied to by their leaders.
I don't think this is a statement by the people of Spain that they are against this endless "war on terror." I think it's more a statement that there is a right way to go about it, and a wrong way. The right way is to go after the terrorists and deal with the root causes of terrorism. The wrong way is to invade and occupy a country that posed no real regional threat and that lacked ties to al Qaeda.
And really, wouldn't the policies of Aznar's party serve as a better recruiting tool than the Socialist party? The Bushco policies have probably done more to help al Qaeda recruitment than any policy of Al Gore ever would have.
I'm disturbed that this attack didn't appear on anyone's radar beforehand. I'm disturbed that we lost focus on going after al Qaeda and diverted resources in order to wage an unnecessary war in Iraq. I'm disturbed that we're spending billions on a missile-defense system that probably doesn't work rather than putting that money toward first-responders and securing ports and our own rail system. I'm disturbed that our own government has virtually made fear-mongering official policy. And most of all, I'm disturbed by all of the New York Yankees' off-season acquisitions.
But I don't presume to be all-knowing in this mixed-up crazy world. I just pretend.
Thanks for the comment, and thanks for not calling me a puppy-kicker. I really do like puppies.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Sunday night blogging. Not only is it fun, but it gives you, loyal reader, another brief respite from beginning your workday on the latest in an endless succession of Monday mornings. "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!"
Item! I signed up for a free service that lets me track the number of unique visitors to the website, and I can see at what time people visited, and how they came to the website---by just typing in the address, through a websearch, or via another webpage. Don't worry, I have no way of knowing your identity; your secret is safe with me. But there's a good chance that if the NSA is monitoring me, they can figure out who you are, declare you an enemy combatant, and then detain you indefinitely without access to the legal system.
Aside from people in the know simply typing in the web address, the second most common way that people get here is through a Google search. Lately, a lot of people have been directed here through searches for video clips from Chappelle's Show (and really, if you haven't yet watched "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories," stop what you're doing, and watch it now). A few people were searching for the television show D.H.S.--The Series, another was searching for some information on Jehova's witnesses, and one person was searching for Joel Osteen, the televangelist from Lakewood Church in Houston. You know, the "person of excellence" guy who I like to imagine shooting skeet while he's all coked up. I doubt that visitor found what they were looking for. And recently, a UK site, The Sideshow, picked up on our little blog somehow and posted a link to us.
I just find it interesting, that's all. The other thing I've noticed is that there's generally an upsurge in viewer activity from 12:00-2:00 weekdays. I wonder why.

In other news, the Spanish Socialist Party won the elections today, ousting the Popular Party. In part this was retribution for Prime Minister Aznar's support of the Iraq War and amigo-amigo relationship with Shrub. It's looking likely the deadly bombings on Thursday were the work of al Qaeda, and many Spaniards are blaming the attack on Spain's membership in the "coalition of the willing." Afterall, 90% of the population was opposed to the war, so it's not like the government had the backing of its citizens. The leader of the Socialist Party, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, has pledged to withdraw Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq and distance itself from the U.S. while strengthening relations with France and Germany. So it's not likely that we'll be seeing that dude visiting Crawford, TX, anytime soon.
What I find most interesting here is the reaction of so many people to the bombings, and how that contrasts with reactions to terrorism here. Ten million people were in the streets in Spain after the bombings, some to grieve, and others to express anger at the government. After 9/11, anyone here who even hinted that U.S. foreign policy was partially to blame for the terror attacks was labeled a heretic, un-American, and a puppy-kicker. And conventional wisdom says that another terror attack before the election in November would help Shrub's re-election effort, just the opposite of what just happened in Spain. I think the Spaniards' reaction is the more reasoned, but really, let's hope we don't find out if the conventional wisdom is correct.
One last note--voter turnout in Spain was at 76%, 8% higher than the last election. Two million young Spaniards voted for the first time, and many were driven to the polls by a desire to get rid of Aznar. With any luck, we'll see something similar here in eight months.

Friday, March 12, 2004

Classy. Donald Rumsfeld apparently kept a "souvenir" from 9/11. He's got a piece of the airplane that flew into the Pentagon. It's not a freakin foulball that you caught at a baseball game, Don. This kind of typical behavior really makes you wonder how these crooks sleep at night. How do they sleep? My bet is that after drinking cow's blood (okay, fine, it's only warm milk with red food coloring), Rummy does his chants to the dogs of war before nestling into his four-post bed with its headboard constructed of human remains and monkey skulls atop each post.

So let's get this right--the Secretary of Defense (the person in charge of, you know, defending the country) who oversaw the greatest intelligence failure in U.S. history has a momento from that day. Sure, why not. I wonder if he has a souvenir from when he met with Saddam back in 1984 to let him know that we were cool with him using chemical weapons against the Iranians, back in the day when Saddam was our boy. Maybe Rummy brought back a t-shirt that says, "I traveled to Iraq to meet with a brutal dictator, and all I got was this shirt." A snowglobe depicting chemical agents falling down on a village? An oversized pencil? Astronaut ice cream?

No wonder Rummy reminds me of Skeletor, He-Man's nemesis in the most homoerotic cartoon of the 80s.

Warning: May prevent babies. Bushco is apparently considering requiring warning labels on packages of condoms noting that condoms do not protect users from every single string of bacteria or virus on the planet. This is of course all part of their abstinence-only agenda: scare kids into thinking that condoms won't protect them from STDs, and so kids won't have sex. Slight problem with the logic there. And loyal readers would know that kids making virginity pledges have the same STD rates as kids who don't take those same pledges.

When my sister was a student at VCU, she worked in the student health center. There they had boxes upon boxes of condoms to be given out to the students. Least popular among these were the condom-coins, the condoms packaged in foil wrappers. I tried to pass one off at a Wal-Mart once, but that's another story.
One Xmas, she brought home a variety of the coin condoms, some wrapped in green, some in gold, and others in red. She then sprinkled these under the crimmis tree because nothing says "holiday spirit" like a nativity scene with condoms next to little baby Jeebus.
And as if that probably weren't blasphemous enough, we ended up blowing up the condoms and batting them around like balloons. Mom must have been so proud that day.

The Clinton Test. This is what you call it when you take a situation and say, "What would happen if this happened to the Clintons?" For example, what would the Republicans do if the Clinton administration outed a CIA operative? We saw what they did over a b.j., so you can just imagine.
So let's apply the Clinton Test to this one: A woman in Maryland was arrested Thursday on charges that she had been acting as an Iraqi spy. It turns out that she is a cousin of White House Chief of Staff Andy Card. More interestingly, she used to work for FAUX News.
How to play: Answer the question of how the Republicans would spin this one if a cousin of Clinton's chief of staff was arrested for being a spy.
(Note: the woman also worked for some Democrats, and I don't think any of this really matters; the point is the Clinton Test)

That was fast. The Kerry campaign has already released a new commercial in response to the latest Bushco ads.
Eight months of this, huh? That's why I'll continue to bring you examples of super-science like this.

A Friend of Gary reminded me that the Unibomber was also a white dude. Not only was he a white dude, he's a white dude who was living in a shack. Double-danger.

Muhammad Horton. That is what one of the new Bushco campaign commercials will be dubbed. In 1988, Poppy Bush ran a commercial accusing Dukakis of being soft on crime, and the commercial featured a mugshot of Willie Horton, an African-American man who had been convicted of murder and was released from prison on a weekend furlough program and ended up assaulting a couple of people. The ad was race-baiting at its worst, an attempt to scare white American into fearing the evil black man. You can see that commercial here, just be sure to select a video format.
Take a look at a screenshot from the new Bushco commercial here

Now, you tell me---what ethnicity does the man at the bottom look like? I suppose that the Bushies think that what worked for Poppy in 88 will work for Dubya in 2004. "John Kerry is gonna let all them a-rab evil-doers into your backyard! John Kerry wants to eat your babies! And then he'll raise your taxes!" Fairly disgusting. Now, the rightwing response to criticism of this commercial will likely be that the 9/11 hijackers were all from the Middle East. Well, yeah, but not every person from the M.E. is a terrorist, in fact the vast majority can't stand the way that al Qaeda distorts their religion. And then there's Tim McVeigh. He's whitebread all the way. And all the bombings of abortion clinics? White people. Churches and synagogues being set ablaze? You guessed it--white people. Does this mean that every white person is a terrorist? Of course not. And if you really think about which race has brought a great deal of death and violence to the world over the course of history, white folks rank right up there at the top.

Another piece of distortion included in the ad is a line about how John Kerry wanted to wait for UN approval before the U.S. defended itself. First of all, Kerry believed that we should use the U.N. to form a real coalition, not a coalition with heavy-hitters like Barbados and Poland. And secondly, exactly what threat to the U.S. are they talking about? There are no WMD, and the Bushies have been forced to accept that there were no ties between Saddam and al Qaeda. So what was there for us to defend ourselves from? Thoughtcrime? The possibility that someone somewhere might be thinking of something naughty?


By the way, that website with the Willie Horton commercial also has archived just about every other television political commercial since they began in 1952.

And I'm not as up to date on my South Korean politics as I'd like to be, but I can't imagine that the impeachment of their president can be a great thing for regional stability.

But no matter what, I've really got to get the latest Outkast album.

Yes, yes, I'm a little slow getting started today. But I'll bring the goods at 1:00 EST.
In the meantime, today's recommended link is Conan O'Brien's "If They Mated." You can also access links to video of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog including classic moments with Bon Jovi and Star Warks geeks. Here me now and believe me later.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

I'm feeling lazy. So here's a couple of pictures for you. Plenty more here.

Even more freaks of nature! Per request of a loyal Y.L.H. blog reader, here is a story on Peanut Butter and Jelly, a couple of conjoined African leopard tortoises just trying to make it in this crazy, mixed up world. This is sure to be the feel-good story of the year. Be sure to click on the "Next" button under the picture to see all the images.

I think there is an emerging trend here...political rantings mixed with wildlife oddities. I like it.

Apparently there isn't anything else more pressing for Congress to address than the issue of steroids in baseball. I must've missed the train on the day when we solved the riddles of what happened to Saddam's WMD, where Osama is, how 9/11 was allowed to transpire, who leaked the name of a CIA operative working on weapons proliferation, who used pilfered files stolen from Democratic Senators' computers by Republican staffers, where the surplus went, where the jobs are, are there aliens stored at Area 51, and what the hell is wrong with this goddam country?

Donald Fehr is the head of the players' assocation, so he's the lead guy when the players are negotiating with the owners. He was on the Hill today testifying about steroids and baseball, and what should be done to correct the problem. When asked why baseball doesn't adopt a policy similar to the NFL policy of random drug testing throughout the year with immediate suspension for violations, Fehr dug out his notes from 8th grade civics class: "While the Fourth Amendment's protection against unreasonable searches and seizures is not directly applicable to the private employment setting, the important principles on which it is based should not be lightly put aside."

I'm sorry, but when the average income of baseball players is over $1 million a year not including endorsements, then I think that it's not asking too much that you pee in a cup every now and then. Am I saying that just because you're disgustingly rich that you should be treated differently? You're damn right that's what I'm saying. If someone offered me a $1 million a year salary, I'll piss in a cup six days a week, and on the seventh, I'll piss in the cup, swallow it down, and piss it out again.
Steroids. Good for your pecs, bad for your nuts. And they're not even good for your pecs. They'll turn you into a damn freak in charge of the world's fifth largest economy.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Because you just can't get enough, here are a couple more freaks of nature. First, meet JoJo, a two-headed painted turtle. Then say 'hi' to Jose and Hose-B, the two-headed tortoise. You dig it the most.

Sen.McCain Open to Being Kerry's V.P. That's the headline of a story running on Yahoo news this afternoon. Of course, while this would be interesting and certainly a blow to Shrub's chances of reelection, this will absolutely never happen. But it is also hardly a resounding sign of support for Bush from a prominent member of his own party who carries a lot of weight with independents. You could even say that this amounts to McCain endorsing Kerry for prez. Makes you wonder if the Bushies might regret running an incredibly dirty campagin against McCain in 2000, spreading rumors that he had fathered an African-American child and that he was some type of Manchurian candidate who was brainwashed while being held in a P.O.W. camp for years.
Smearing a veteran's reputation worked for Shrub four years ago, and it certainly seems that they'll be trying again with Kerry. But as the Bushies like to say, 9/11 changed everything.

Supporting the Troops so long as they support you. That seems to be the Bush line of reasoning. From the Salon War Room:
    The president's ballyhooed surprise trip to Baghdad on Thanksgiving, widely admired as a cunning political move at the time, just gets more disturbing the more you know about it. A U.S. soldier back from Iraq gave an interview to Intervention Magazine about what went on the day before the president came to town:

    "Stationed in the area of the Baghdad Airport at the time of President Bush's Thanksgiving 2003 visit to the troops there, [the soldier] recounts that on the day before the president's visit, the troops were given a questionnaire that asked them whether they 'supported the president.' Those who did not declare their support with sufficient enthusiasm were not permitted to take part in the Thanksgiving meal, and had to make do with MREs (meals ready to eat, referred to by the soldiers as 'meals refused by Ethiopians') in their quarters."

    The "pre-screening" of U.S. soldiers was also reported in Stars and Stripes, although the military paper said the soldiers were screened for security reasons. This is also the same dinner, recall, in which Bush proudly raised a too-good-to-be-true "trophy turkey" for his photo-op.

It burns, it burns! From BBC News, "Young Americans who pledge to remain virgins until they marry have the same rates of sexually transmitted diseases as those who do not, a new study says." Not exactly a resounding endorsement of abstinence-only sex ed programs. Turns out that kids making these pledges not to have sex are less likely to use condoms when they do have sex. And then all the praying in the world isn't going to stop the itching and the burning. This is a little scary considering the way that the religious right and their friend in the White House have been touting the supposed supremacy of abstinence-only programs and have withheld funds from programs that discuss safe sex (no evidentiary weblink provided, I'm feeling lazy).
We started our sex-ed program in 6th grade (about a year too late, if you knowwhatimsayin...booyah!...I'm kidding, Mom, no need to call), and the only thing that I remember is that the kid who was always getting in trouble had some clay in his desk, and he shaped it into what could only be described as a grossly deformed penis. For this intolerable act, he was sent out into the hall for five minutes. But that could have been a "teachable moment." The principal (the only male who could teach the class) could have told us that unless we wrapped our tallywhackers, that's what it would end up looking like. Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self.
As always, The Onion delicately handles the subject of virgin newlyweds.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

"The colossal prick even managed to sound magnanimous." Red (Morgan Freeman), The Shawshank Redemption. The WH has changed their tune again, and Shrub will hang around if the 9/11 commission still has more questions after an hour (if? IF???). "Nobody's watching the clock," said White House press secretary Scott McMuffin. He reminded all those within earshot of the "unprecedented cooperation" offered by the Bushies, and he said that one hour is "a reasonable period of time to set aside for a sitting president of the United States."
Still plenty of time to mug for the cameras though.

Are there no limits to the stupidity of some people? A woman down in Georgia was arrested for attempting to use a fake million dollar bill. And where was this woman trying to pass off the funny money? Where else...Wal-Mart. Genius was trying to buy $1675 worth of merchandise, so she expected to get back $998,325 in change? Yeah, she probably did.
Note to self: Abort plans to use Gazillion dollar bill to buy flatscreen plasma TV and Outkast album.

The evolution of D.H.S.. The real Department of Homeland Security, not the series. Talkingpointsmemo has a good refresher on the emergence of the DHS--who supported its creation, who opposed it, and who ultimately took credit. It's akin to telling your roommate that you ought to put some locks on the windows to your house, but your roommate tells you, "No, it's really not necessary, doing that wouldn't accomplish anything." And then some time later after you've been pushing for the locks, your roommate says, "You don't care about our safety. We should really put some locks on those windows. I'm the greatest!" And then all everyone in the neighborhood can talk about is how your roommate was so smart for installing those locks.

Start loading the U-Haul. Intelligence sources report that Osama bin Laden might be preparing to move from Pakistan back across the boarder to Afghanistan. Analysts started to become suspicious when they heard rumors that Osama had been sited shopping at the Wana region IKEA and picking up some packaging materials at the local MailBoxes Etc. Top al Qaeda deputies close to Osama say that he feels that the Pakistani mountains are starting to become overcrowded. "Osama remembers the days when you could smoke a bowl and fire some RPGs at the infidels without anyone else horning in on the action, back when the monkeybars weren't being used for training by every extremist nutcase who can say 'Death to America.' He's very saddened by all this. Oh...and death to America."

If O.B.L. is making a move, it's probably because we finally got Pakistan to help out with the search, and we've put more forces in the region. Now, that begs the question, why haven't we been going fullforce after this s.o.b. for the last two and a half years? Something to do with the Iraq war perhaps? Election year?

Of course, all this is predicated on the idea that we don't already have O.B.L. chilling in a freezer just waiting to be thawed out in time for another October surprise.

Monday, March 08, 2004

What is chubby, seven centimeters long, and purple? This frog. Rather than having three heads like Trey, this specimen's "head appears too small for its body and it looks more like a squat, grumpy blob than a living creature."

It looks like the Bushco chosen line of attack against John Kerry is that he's a flip-flopper. Again, given Shrub's record for the past three years, this seems like a rather hypocritical choice of rhetoric. Then again, it was Al Gore who was dubbed the pathological liar in 2000 despite a wealth of evidence suggesing that Shrub was the one who has a problem with the truth ("By far, the vast majority of my tax cuts go to the middle class"). Over at Daily Kos, you can see a sampling of the many ways in which Shrub is the master of the flip-flop, king of the bait and switch, lord of the waffles.

Meanwhile, back in know, the place we liberated before we invaded and occupied Iraq? While we've been busy in Iraq, they've been busy in Afghanistan trying to establish democracy. From the looks of it, the results are rather mixed. Attempting to convince Afghani men of the need to allow women to participate in elections, Afghan President Hamid Karzai said, "Please, my dear brothers, let your wives and sisters go to the voter registration process. Later, you can control who she votes for, but please, let her go." Brilliant!
One woman responded, "Now that is a bad idea. It doesn't seem like a very good interpretation of the rights we are working for. We can select which minister or warlord to vote for as well as anyone."
Yes....they should be able to select whichever warlord they like the most. Whether it is the conservative warlords running on a campaign platform of brutal aggression, or the liberal warlords who have been pushing an agenda focused on slightly brutal aggression, Afghani women will now finally have the freedom to cast their votes for whoever their husbands or brothers tell them to.

Factoid: the constitution adopted in January promised women 20% of the seats in the future legislature of Afghanistan. While here in the good ol' U.S.A., women hold 14/100 seats in the Senate and 59/435 seats in the House, for a grand total of 13.6%.

Because you can't get enough. Here are some more pictures of Trey, the three-headed frog.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Everybody loves Neil Bush. Whether it's Saving and Loan scandals that cost the government $1 billion, having sex with hookers in Thailand, trading on the family name to get positions for which he had no qualifications, starting a business which will benefit from his bother Gov.Jeb's educational policies in Florida, or being involved in a paternity suit worthy of the Jerry Springer show, the third Bush boy is always demonstrating those Republican family values.
Over the weekend, Neil married his girlfriend who he met several years ago while he was married to his first wife. Interestingly enough, Dubya (and Jeb) did not attend the wedding even though he was in Crawford for the weekend. Must've had a lot of brush to clear back at the ol' ranch. Prez issued this statement through Bush family consiglieri James A. Baker III:
    "I wish to congratulamatize my little brother Neil on his recent wedding. He is proof that marriage is an institution, an institution that, uh, we must preserve and defend against activist judges, and we wish him well. Cuz ya see, this here is Neil's second marriage. His first one ended in divorce, and that's why, uh, we need to enact a Constitutional amendment protecting marriage. Our intelligence, the same intelligence by the way that the UN and my predecessor had, our intelligence services tell us that it was the ho-mo-sex-uals that sent those Oriental hookers to Neil's hotel room. They don't understand that marriage is between one man and one woman. And neither did Neil....heh heh, I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waiters.
    Seriously folks, you see, that's also why we need to make my tax cuts permanent. Because even though Neil didn't pay those hookers, he had more money in his pocket because of the tax cuts. And he probably gave those young girls a generous tip for their services, and that probably created a job somewhere. And that's making our economy stronger. So, here's to you, Neil and, uh, Neil's wife. We know you didn't father that baby, little brother. Oh, and by the way, 9/11, 9/11, terror, tax cuts, terror."

What has three heads and six legs? A frog found in England, that's what. Perhaps this is the result of super-science the likes of which produced Ookla the Mok from Thundar the Barbarian. What's more astonishing than the finding of the frog is that it was allowed to get away. Just another case of life imitating art.

And it looks like Shrub's goin' to the rodeo tomorrow. All part of the renewed effort to portray Bush as a regular dude (who went to the elite Phillips Andover boarding school, attended Yale, Harvard MBA, father was V.P., grandfather was a Senator....just the kind of guy you could have a beer with). Amazingly enough, Shrub still only has one hour to spend with the co-chairs of the 9-11 commission (though the WH concedes that Shrub won't walk out if there are still questions after an hour), and the Bushies still don't understand why their use of imagery in campaign commercials is inappropriate. Almost as galling is a tidbit noted in this passage:
Another less-publicized aspect of the ad flap: the use of paid actors—including two playing firefighters with fire hats and uniforms in what looks like a fire station. "Where the hell did they get those guys?" cracked Harold Schaitberger, president of the International Association of Fire Fighters, which has endorsed John Kerry, when he first saw the ads. (A union spokesman said the shots prompted jokes that the fire hats looked like the plastic hats "from a birthday party.") "There's many reasons not to use real firemen," retorted one Bush media adviser. "Mainly, its cheaper and quicker."


Saturday, March 06, 2004

Every once in a while a situation arises that brings to the forefront the eerie feeling that I'm becoming an old man. Generally, I don't feel old, because really, 27 isn't that old even with 28 right around the corner. Sure, it's the age at which Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and Kurt Cobain all died. But those fools were all hopped up on goofballs every night of the week, and everyone knows that's just not healthy living. Thirty-three, now that is old.
For example, a couple of teenagers came by our apartment last spring trying to sell some magazines so that they could win a trip to Europe (total scam), and I completely lost my shit when they wouldn't take "No" for an answer. Felt a little old after that, plus Nathalie made me promise never again to open the door to anyone trying to sell magazines or religion. It feels awkward when I have to tell the Jehova's Witnesses though the door, "Sorry, I can't talk to you, my wife thinks I might go nutso."
And now, we have these rugrats who moved in down the hall from us, and they like to run up and down the hall all day and well into the evening. I really wouldn't care if they stopped after 9:00 at night or if it didn't sound like an elephant parade. So I'm presented with the dilemma of a)chalking it up to kids being kids and letting it go, or b)sticking my head out the door and doing the equivalent of "Hey, kids, get off the lawn!" Yelling at them could be difficult though because I'm generally not a mean person except when it comes to old people and puppy dogs.
Sure, I could take the third, non-confrontational but assertive route of asking them kindly to stop after 9:00, but I'm not as big a person as that. But the bottom line is that the whole damn thing makes me feel old. Matlock!!!

Friday, March 05, 2004

A couple of good items in the mailbag today. The Wash Post has an article with the headline "Bush's Economic Indicator: 2 New Jobs." Shrub is indeed the master of low expectations. Also, Air Force One phone records have been subpoenaed by the federal grand jury investigating the outing of CIA operative Valerie Plame by White House officials. Even Bubba never had Air Force One phone records subpoenaed (thanks to Des for the links).
Dan Froomkin discusses in his White House Briefing the issue of Shrub making the same jokes over, and over, and over again (see Trifecta). One of his favorite jokes is to say, "The country has had no finer Vice President than Dick Cheney....Mother may have a different opinion." Guffaw. Froomkin reports: So it's no surprise that he'd eventually blow the line completely. Which he did yesterday, according to the transcript provided by the White House. "Speaking about the Vice President, I made a really good pick when I asked Dick Cheney to serve by my side. He is a fabulous Vice President for our country. (Pause for applause.) Mother may have a second opinion." Moron.

And for some reason, it seems to be a bizarre week for salad bars, whether it's old people brawling on the salad line or severed thumbs showing up in garden salads. I might have done a lot of unsanitary things while working at IHOP or at the now defunct Ground Round (serving ham that dropped on the floor, checking the temperature of eggs with my fingers, fishing around in a pickle bin without first washing my hands, sticking pancakes down my pants) but I can proudly say that I never served up a severed thumb with the Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity. I only brought the fruity.

We have a new comments server. Unfortunately, this means that all your earlier witty comments are lost forever. So please leave new and even wittier comments.
We've also been Googled. So if i were to put "Paris Hilton sex tape," (like so) then this will come up as one of the many hundreds of thousands of hits. Anyone looking for evidence that Gary Coleman is a genius will have this page returned in the search results. And should anyone ever search for "Gary Coleman shagging Paris Hilton," then they'll be sorely disappointed to find this page as the only hit. If you are that person, don't despair, there are trained professionals out there willing to help you.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Girl Scout Cookie Update: Concerned Texans are still protecting America from the radical Brownie uprising. My Trefoil supply has been depleted, and I have one package of Thin Mints remaining.

In case you haven't seen it yet, here are the screenshots from the Bushco campaign ad causing all the hubbub. First, the Bushies are forced to roll out their campaign earlier than they'd hoped for, and now that they've begun, it's clearly not going the way that they had hoped. And where's Bush in all this? Doing what he loves most, fundraising at $2000 a plate dinners.
Why's it so important to spend so much time gladhandling wealthy Republican donors? Because according to Oklahoma Congressman Tom Cole, "If George Bush loses the election, Osama bin Laden wins the election." Actually, I think that Osama bin Forgotten would prefer a Bush win since the Bush foreign policy is more likely to ge a good al Qaida recruiting tool, and contrary to their own rhetoric, the Bushies haven't been the most aggressive when it comes to going after al Qaida.

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