It burns, it burns! From BBC News, "Young Americans who pledge to remain virgins until they marry have the same rates of sexually transmitted diseases as those who do not, a new study says." Not exactly a resounding endorsement of abstinence-only sex ed programs. Turns out that kids making these pledges not to have sex are less likely to use condoms when they do have sex. And then all the praying in the world isn't going to stop the itching and the burning. This is a little scary considering the way that the religious right and their friend in the White House have been touting the supposed supremacy of abstinence-only programs and have withheld funds from programs that discuss safe sex (no evidentiary weblink provided, I'm feeling lazy).
We started our sex-ed program in 6th grade (about a year too late, if you knowwhatimsayin...booyah!...I'm kidding, Mom, no need to call), and the only thing that I remember is that the kid who was always getting in trouble had some clay in his desk, and he shaped it into what could only be described as a grossly deformed penis. For this intolerable act, he was sent out into the hall for five minutes. But that could have been a "teachable moment." The principal (the only male who could teach the class) could have told us that unless we wrapped our tallywhackers, that's what it would end up looking like. Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self.
As always, The Onion delicately handles the subject of virgin newlyweds.