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Sunday, March 07, 2004

Everybody loves Neil Bush. Whether it's Saving and Loan scandals that cost the government $1 billion, having sex with hookers in Thailand, trading on the family name to get positions for which he had no qualifications, starting a business which will benefit from his bother Gov.Jeb's educational policies in Florida, or being involved in a paternity suit worthy of the Jerry Springer show, the third Bush boy is always demonstrating those Republican family values.
Over the weekend, Neil married his girlfriend who he met several years ago while he was married to his first wife. Interestingly enough, Dubya (and Jeb) did not attend the wedding even though he was in Crawford for the weekend. Must've had a lot of brush to clear back at the ol' ranch. Prez issued this statement through Bush family consiglieri James A. Baker III:
    "I wish to congratulamatize my little brother Neil on his recent wedding. He is proof that marriage is an institution, an institution that, uh, we must preserve and defend against activist judges, and we wish him well. Cuz ya see, this here is Neil's second marriage. His first one ended in divorce, and that's why, uh, we need to enact a Constitutional amendment protecting marriage. Our intelligence, the same intelligence by the way that the UN and my predecessor had, our intelligence services tell us that it was the ho-mo-sex-uals that sent those Oriental hookers to Neil's hotel room. They don't understand that marriage is between one man and one woman. And neither did Neil....heh heh, I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waiters.
    Seriously folks, you see, that's also why we need to make my tax cuts permanent. Because even though Neil didn't pay those hookers, he had more money in his pocket because of the tax cuts. And he probably gave those young girls a generous tip for their services, and that probably created a job somewhere. And that's making our economy stronger. So, here's to you, Neil and, uh, Neil's wife. We know you didn't father that baby, little brother. Oh, and by the way, 9/11, 9/11, terror, tax cuts, terror."

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