Sunday, October 31, 2004
Spurious correlations for Kerry! In the past 17 elections, when the Redskins have won their final homegame before the election, the incumbent party wins the presidential election; when they lose, the incumbent party loses the election.
Huzzah! (it was close though...the Redskins appeared to have scored with three minutes left, giving them the chance to take the lead, but the play was called back because of a false start penalty...Packers then got an interception and scored again)
Friday, October 29, 2004
Jeb Bush!!! From Poland, Daniel reports:
Jeb in Polish is the imperative form of "fuck". So, literally Jeb Bush means "Fuck Bush". I love it.I love it, too. Jeb Bush! Jeb Cheney! Jeb Jeb!
Funny. 2004's scariest Halloween costumes.
Not funny. Crass exploitation of tragedy for political gain (pictures of burning WTC in Bushco mailings). Both links courtesy Des.
OBL. Well, it turns out that Osama has something to say in a new video released today. To some, this will be a reminder of how Bushco fucked things up at Tora Bora. To others, this will be an argument for why we need to keep Shrub around so that he can...um...not catch Osama? To me, it's a reminder that I have a donut sitting on the counter waiting to be eaten.
Update: Apparently, OBL makes a crack about Shrub sitting in the classroom reading "The Pet Goat" while the towers were attacked.
Oh, and the mystery donut turned out to be lemon-filled. Blech.
And the winner is.... With 48.5% of the vote, the winner of the October Surprise poll is "Dick Cheney reveals himself to be John Edwards' father, invites Edwards to the Dark Side where they will rule the galaxy together as father and son."
Darth Cheney reveals his identity to Edwards, "John Kerry never told you what happened to your father." "He told me enough, he told me that you killed him." "No...I am your father." "No...it can't be true...I'll never join you!" Edwards then drops off the platform, down the chute, and is picked up by Al Sharpton in the role of Lando Calrissian, Janeane Garofalo as Leia, and Howard Dean as Chewbacca. From there, they develop their plan to travel back to Tattooine to rescue Bill Clinton as Han Solo who has been frozen in carbonite and is being held by Jabba the Hutt, played by Karl Rove.
Cheney could easily be Darth Vader. Both have hearts controlled by a machine. You can almost hear the Star Wars music playing when Cheney walks into a room. And I can just hear Cheney saying with a sneer, "Senator Kerry's lack of faith in the force, frankly, it disturbs me." He would then add, "During his time in the Imperial Senate, Senator Kerry voted 245 times against weapons programs across 40 different star systems. Programs like the AT-AT which we now know was integral to our assault on the Rebels on the ice planet Hoth. If it had been up to Senator Kerry, we would not have the Death Star, and the people of Alderaan would be free to attack us here at home."
Problem is, there's no redeemable good with Cheney.
WTF?!? I noticed that several people arrived here over the last 24 hours via searches for "Scott Stapp seventh inning stretch." Now, you all know how much I loves me some Scott Stapp (see here, here, and here). Curious, I went to see why people were using that same search term. Could Jesus Christ Pose have sung during the 7th inning stretch? And did I miss it? How did this happen?
Sadly, yes. He sang "God Bless America" last night during Game 4. I probably missed it because no sooner does the announcer say, "And now, here to sing...", I've already switched over to Comedy Central because I can't stomach that type of misplaced jingoism. But my cynicism backfired, and I was deprived of seeing whether he struck the J.C.P. while crooning away. Fuck. Double fuck.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
About those explosives.... Rummy said today, "People who use hair-trigger judgment to come to conclusions about things that are fast-moving frequently make mistakes that are awkward and embarrassing." Well, Don, I couldn't agree more.
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - ABC News on Thursday showed video that appeared to confirm that explosives that went missing in Iraq did not disappear until after the United States had taken control of the facility where they were stored.So let's recap.....conclusive evidence proves Bushco incompetence in post-war planning....Bushco caught photoshopping a commercial....Red Sox win World Series.... What could make this an even worse day for Bushco?
ABC said the video was shot by an affiliate TV station embedded with the 101st Airborne Division when members of the division passed through the facility on April 18, nine days after the fall of Baghdad.
ABC said experts who have studied the images say the barrels seen in the video contain the high explosive HMX, and U.N. markings on the sealed containers were clear.
The barrels were found inside locked bunkers that had been sealed by inspectors from the International Atomic Energy Agency just before the war began, ABC reported.
I know! A FBI probe into the Halliburton contracts.
Vote, fool. Don't forget to vote in the poll over there to your right. The winning October Surprise will be announced tomorrow, and Bushco will quickly get to work on it.
Rudy and the Clones. I'm kinda busy here, so here are two stories for you. First, Rudy Giuliani said on the Today Show this morning regarding al QaQaa:
The president was cautious the president was prudent the president did what a commander in chief should do. No matter how you try to blame it on the president the actual responsibility for it really would be for the troops that were there. Did they search carefully enough? Didn't they search carefully enough?Yeah, that's right. He blamed the troops. Add to that Bush deflecting Kerry's criticism by saying Kerry was criticizing the troops, and we really do have the "Blame American Troops First" crowd. Nice.
Second, it appears that Bushco will lie about ANYTHING. In one of their last commercials, aptly titled "Whatever It Takes" they have photoshopped a smaller crowd of troops in order to turn it into a larger one. See the evidence here. Lies!!! Maybe that's their plan for troop levels in Iraq, just photoshop a couple of extra divisions. Or even better, just photoshop it such that all the dangerous areas are replaced with teddy bears, rainbows, and unicorns.
Reminds me of this article from The Onion where Bush erases the deficit by crossing it out with a black Sharpie pen.
Oh, and I almost forgot...this is awesome. Bush flipping the bird. No photoshopping there.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
"It's a 'Jump to Conclusions Mat'!" Bush stepped right in al QaQaa today when he said:
For a political candidate to jump to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your commander in chief.Hmm...jumping to conclusions without knowing the facts.... Wes Clark, you wanna get in on this?
Today George W. Bush made a very compelling and thoughtful argument for why he should not be reelected. In his own words, he told the American people that “…a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your Commander in Chief.Zing! And Kerry today called Darth Cheney the "Minister of Disinformation."
President Bush couldn’t be more right. He jumped to conclusions about any connection between Saddam Hussein and 911. He jumped to conclusions about weapons of mass destruction. He jumped to conclusions about the mission being accomplished. He jumped to conclusions about how we had enough troops on the ground to win the peace. And because he jumped to conclusions, terrorists and insurgents in Iraq may very well have their hands on powerful explosives to attack our troops, we are stuck in Iraq without a plan to win the peace, and Americans are less safe both at home and abroad.
By doing all these things, he broke faith with our men and women in uniform. He has let them down. George W. Bush is unfit to be our Commander in Chief.
And on a completely unrelated matter, I was flipping around the dial on the telly this morning, and I came across a video on VH1 with Shania Twain and Sugar Ray's Mark McGrath singing a duet. I almost tossed up my cheerios. And normally when I come across something as wretched as this, I force myself to watch, just so that I know the evils that are out there. But I couldn't do it this time.
Where are they
And where's Crisco John Ashcroft? That crazy bastard has been laying low for the longest time. You know they've got him locked up in the attic with Neil Bush. No way they're going to let either of those two anywhere near a camera this close to the election. Ashcroft would be found speaking in tongues, covering up some more naked statues, and Neil would be caught with some more hookers.
UPDATE: Eye ken spel good.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
When puppets attack. Another person is out there taking stuff from the headlines and using it to criticize Bushco:
It was a heinous crime where a group of National Guards were targeted. There was great negligence on the part of some coalition forces. It seems there was sort of determination on doing Iraq and Iraqi people harm.And just who is this partisan hack who will say anything to get elected? Why, it's none other than Ayad Allawi, our hand-picked puppet Iraqi Prime Minister!
Why does Allawi hate America?
Doesn't he know that those type of words give aid and comfort to the enemy?
Why is he such a flip-flopper? First he supports the troops, and now he criticizes them.
Didn't he hear Don Rumsfeld say that democracy is messy, and that free people are free to commit crimes?
Clearly, Allawi doesn't understand the dangers of war, or what it takes to win the war on terra.
Weakness invites those who would do us harm. Hasn't he seen that ad with the wolf puppies?
Another white rapper against Bush. Eminem has a new video for "Mosh," an anti-Bush diddy. Apparently it makes "Fahrenheit 9/11" look sort of tame in comparison. At least, that's what the people at MTV say. You can watch the video here. Thanks to the wonders of dial-up, I'll just have to wait and see if this gets on the air.
YourLogoHere Country. Not quite as crazy a place as Friday nights in Scarborough Country. Lawrence O'Donnell engages swiftboat liar John O'Neill in a civil debate.
O‘DONNELL: Disgusting, lying book.And much, much more. But that isn't even the craziest part. The craziest is when O'Donnell is arguing with Jack Burkman, a Republican strategist, about Dick Cheney's daughter.
BUCHANAN: John, let me ask you this.
O‘NEILL: And you, Larry, are a professional liar.
O‘DONNELL: You have no standards, John O‘Neill, as an author. And you know it. It‘s a pack of lies. You are unfit to publish.
BURKMAN: Do you think it‘s OK that they attacked Cheney‘s daughter?That's one crazy place, that Scarborough Country. And here's a little "Did you know?" about the leader of Scarborough Country, Joe Scarborough.
O‘DONNELL: They didn‘t attack the daughter.
BURKMAN: Well, do you think what they said is OK?
BURKMAN: Is it?
O‘DONNELL: She‘s a lesbian and she has lesbian sex.
BURKMAN: But is appropriate to call attention, for a presidential candidate...
O‘DONNELL: The reason I know that is that her father told me.
O‘DONNELL: Her father and mother told me she‘s a lesbian and has lesbian sex.
O‘DONNELL: Because I believe there is nothing negative about lesbianism, and I‘m very much in favor of as much lesbianism as lesbians want to create in the world, and as many of lesbian Cheney family members as they want to have is all fine by me, I see nothing negative.
BURKMAN: I‘ll tell you, Pat. Even Bill Clinton and Al Gore—Al Gore, who in the 2000 campaign use every dirty and scurrilous tactic known to man, they did not...
O‘DONNELL: Dirty, scurrilous lesbians. Dirty, scurrilous lesbians.
BURKMAN: It‘s nothing to do with that. He did not attack the children of the candidates. Even Bill Clinton and Al Gore did not do that.
BUCHANAN: Let‘s take a look at something else.
O‘DONNELL: What‘s the attack in the word lesbian?
Monday, October 25, 2004
Stepping in Al QaQaa. Bushco can't seem to get their story straight. On the one hand, they say that the 380 tons of explosive materials went missing right before the war, and so it can't possibly be their fault. On the other hand, they say that it was the responsibility of the interim Iraqi government, so it can't possibly be their fault. And on the third hand (this is their world, not mine), they just found out about all this ten days ago, so it can't possibly be their fault. Josh Marshall has several posts on the evolving story.
Next thing you know, Bushco is going to say that they need another $70 billion for their war on terra. Wait! They just did!
"We are dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction and relatively soon." Paul Wolfowitz, 3/27/03
One more week.
Al QaQaa. An apt name. The big news of the day is that Ashlee Simpson lip-syncs. And the other story is that 380 tons of explosives went missing from an the Al QaQaa military site in Iraq after the invasion. One pound of the stuff is enough to bring down a plane. 380 tons times 2000 pounds in a ton....that's 760,000 planes. Or, more likely, 760,000 carbombs.
And the world is safer how? Yet after Condi found out about this a month ago (so they say), they still thought it was a good idea for her to go to battleground states making political speeches?
Bushco October Surprise: Surprise! We're more incompetent than you ever thought we could be!
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Pro Wrestlers for Kerry. I was listening to the Don and Mike radio show last week, and their guest was Mick Foley, a.k.a. "Mankind." His character was very popular in the WWE, and he played the part of the commissioner for a while. Don't ask why/how I know these things. Let's stay focused here. When asked, Foley said that he was going to be voting for John Kerry.
It turns out that Foley was also at the Democratic Convention in conjunction with the WWE Smackdown Your Vote voter drive. We'll save contemplation of the WWE's involvement in the democratic process for another day.
And then today, we get the news that Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura endorsed Kerry in his own weird way.
No word yet on who George "The Animal" Steele is voting for. And no surprise, that no good, cheating bastard Ric "Natureboy" Flair is a Bush supporter. Ralph Nader has yet to receive any endorsements from pro wrestlers.
Friday, October 22, 2004
New Poll! It's the question that's on everyone's mind. No, not "Did Mary Kate Olsen drop out of NYU?" The real question is, what will the October Surprise be? There's speculation that Shrub is planning a pre-election trip to Iraq. But that's not nearly as fun as the other possibilities.
No surprise here. According to a study by the Program on International Policy Attitudes at the University of Maryland, Bush supporters aren't part of the reality-based community.
Analyzing data from a series of nationwide polls, the report finds that a majority of Bush supporters believe things about the world that are objectively untrue, while the majority of Kerry supporters dwell in the reality-based community. For example, Bush backers largely think that the president and his policies are popular internationally. Seventy-five percent believe that Iraq was providing "substantial" aid to al-Qaida, and 63 percent say clear evidence of this has been found. That, of course, would be news even to Donald Rumsfeld, who earlier this month told the Council on Foreign Relations, "To my knowledge, I have not seen any strong, hard evidence that links the two."Not too surprising given the earlier PIPA study showing that watching Faux News makes you stupid. Or, perhaps it's just that stupid people watch Faux News. Probably a feedback loop occurring somewhere here.
Though its language is dispassionate, the report lays responsibility for this epidemic of ignorance at the White House's door. "So why are Bush supporters clinging so tightly to these beliefs in the face of repeated disconfirmations?" it asks. "Apparently one key reason is that they continue to hear the Bush administration confirming these beliefs."
I'm not going to say that being a Bush supporter makes you stupid, or that you have to be stupid to support Bush. But, the evidence is compelling.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
A Friend of Gary asks, "Anyone think the election will be determined before midnight on Nov 2?"
The optimist in me says "yes." The part of me that has watched how Bushco has operated for the last four years says "no." As Falafel O'Reilly asks, What say you?
I'm busy today. So you're going to have to find some other distraction from work. Like this. (caution: if you are squeamish about extreme facial piercing, then you might want to click here instead)
Too much time watching the Red Sox' amazing comeback against the evil empire, not enough time reading about Karl Marx and information technology.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Thanks, Pat. I never thought that I would thank Pat Robertson for anything, but thanks for sharing with the world just how incredibly incompetent Shrub really is. This story is getting legs and is being picked up by more news services, eleven in the last hour.
But who cares cuz John Kerry is a librul! He's one of them tax-and-spend libruls! As opposed to cut-tax-and-spend Bush Republicans! Again, you don't get to complain about others' votes on spending when you have presided over the greatest deficits and greatest increase in the national debt in history.
Fear Factor. Bush-Orwell '04. Because 20 years isn't too late.
Shrub, 10/18/04: One of the things that obviously we're now being confronted with are shameless scare tactics.And as further evidence that Shrub is a dangerous person, Pat Robertson says that Shrub told him before the war in Iraq, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."
Darth Cheney, 10/19/04: The biggest threat we face now as a nation is the possibility of terrorists ending up in the middle of one of our cities with deadlier weapons than have ever before been used against us — biological agents or a nuclear weapon or a chemical weapon of some kind to be able to threaten the lives of hundreds of thousands of Americans.... I don't think there's any evidence to support the proposition that [Kerry] would, in fact, do it [be as tough and aggressive on terrorism as Bush]."
Now somebody wrap that up in a commercial and get it on the air.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Two weeks from the election, and I'm quickly reaching a burn-out point. Bushco really is the teflon administartion. They were asleep at the wheel pre-9/11. Blew the surplus, created record deficits, tax-cuts favoring the wealthy. Lied about the true cost of their medicare overhaul. Abu Ghraib. No WMD. No post-war plan. Over-extended military. Osama bin Forgotten. The Plame case. Gitmo abuses. No terror convictions. Job losses. Increased poverty, increased cost of everything, decreased wages. Environmental degradation. AWOL. Increased worldwide terrorism.
Yet, Murkans keep eating up the "strong leader" bullshit.
On the last point, increased worldwide terrorism, I really do not see why Kerry has not made more of an issue of this. Shrub's own State Department says that terrorism has gone up, not down, since 9/11. Seems to me like that's the strongest indictment of Shrub's handling of the issue. If it's fear of being accused of politicizing the so-called "war on terra," well forget that, BC04 are running their entire campaign on a politicization of the war on terra.
But, nobody asks me.
Bands I dislike. Besides Creed, two other bands that have no business being on the radio are the Offspring and Bush (not because they share their name with the Bush Family Evil Empire, but because they make horrible music). I don't think that I've even known anyone who upon hearing either of those two craptacular bands on the radio would have said, "Yeah, alright, I love this song!" Stupid radio stations keep playing their recycled sounds over and over and over again. It's not 1995, folks. Move on.
And another thing. Led Zeppelin's "Fool in the Rain" should be banned from radio. You'd think that's the only Zeppelin tune that some deejays know. Would it kill you to play something off of Led Zeppelin III? Along those lines, "Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2" should also be retired. They have a dozen albums, surely there's something else suitable.
See? I got nothin.
Weird Science. Why have just a regular guinea pig when you can have a Super Guinea Pig?
It took researchers in Peru 34 years to develop the super guinea pig. And why have they gone to such trouble? Because they hope for this to become a new culinary delight. Super guinea pig. It's what's for dinner.
UPDATE: Apparently, guinea pigs have been a Peruvian food source since before Incan times. See the history of the guinea pig.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Faith-based Warmongering. Post-war planning for Iraq in the days leading up to the invasion: "To Be Provided." Bushco didn't just lack a coherent plan, they lacked any sort of plan. What happens when you let hubris get in the way of reality? You end up with a dangerous supply shortage, and it really is no surprise why reservists would break military code and defy orders to go on a dangerous convoy mission.
Shrub likes to say that "freedom is on the march." It's marching alright. Right off a cliff.
All your flu are belong to us. First, Treasury Secretary John Snow says that job losses under Bush are a "myth." And now HHS Secretary Tommy Thompson says that there is no flu vaccine crisis. Clearly, they are not part of the reality-based community.
Further signs that the ghost of Orwell is channeling Bushco: Shrub sez that he is the best protection against the draft, and he accuses Kerry of using scare tactics.
And so it begins. It looks like early voting has started off swimmingly.
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - With memories of 2000 and the state's bitter fight over ballots still fresh, Floridians began casting votes Monday and within an hour problems cropped up.What a great way to start the election in Florida. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, FLORIDA??? Are you trying to be a trouble-maker? And here is the Idiot of the Day:
In Palm Beach County, the center of the madness during the recount four years ago, a Democratic state legislator said she wasn't given a complete absentee ballot when she asked to opt for paper instead of the electronic touch-screen machines. And in Orange County, the touch-screen system briefly crashed, paralyzing voting in Orlando and its immediate suburbs.
Also coming out of the polls on Monday, Steve Perez, 44, said he came early to cast a "protest vote" for Ralph Nader. "What's important is that you vote. I didn't want to get in all the hoopla with all the turnout in Election Day," said Perez, a substitute teacher.Argghhh. No, Steve Perez, you idiot, what's important is that Kerry wins. Nobody cares about you and your childish "protest vote." You don't get to cast a "protest vote" this time around unless you are a lifelong Republican voting for Kerry.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Friday, October 15, 2004
Jon Stewart is the best. William and Mary's favorite alum was on Crossfire today on CNN. He absolutely ripped into Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson, telling them that their show is bad for America, and calling them partisan hacks. They had no idea what to do, probably because they just don't get it. Here's the transcript. A couple of choice sections:
STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.And much, much more. The best thing I'd seen since the Franken/O'Reilly dust-up at the L.A. Book Expo last year.
CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?
CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...
STEWART: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.
STEWART: What is wrong with you?
(APPLAUSE) CARLSON: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you -- when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing.
STEWART: I was absolutely his butt boy. I was so far -- you would not believe what he ate two weeks ago.
STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.
CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.
STEWART: You need to go to one. The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...
CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.
STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.
CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.
CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...
STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.
Liberalliberalliberalliberal. That's all Bush has fucking got. Well you know what, George? Thanks to your crew and your "unilateral, neoconservative, fucked up fantasy", we now have an entire platoon of reservists refusing to go on a mission.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Army is investigating reports that several members of a reservist supply unit in Iraq refused to go on a convoy mission, the military said Friday. Relatives of the soldiers said the troops considered the mission too dangerous.Yet jackasses like Wolf Blitzer are discussing what impact Cheney's gay daughter might have on the election.
The reservists are from the 343rd Quartermaster Company, which is based in Rock Hill, South Carolina. The unit delivers food and water in combat zones.
According to The Clarion-Ledger newspaper in Jackson, Mississippi, a platoon of 17 soldiers refused to go on a fuel supply mission Wednesday because their vehicles were in poor shape and they did not have a capable armed escort.
Good news. The fed has hit the debt ceiling, forcing it to borrow from government pension funds. Hooray! And in the last debate, Shrub said, "My opponent talks about fiscal sanity. His record in the United States Senate does not match his rhetoric." Maybe that was an ex-ag-ger-a-tion.
And even more good news. The "safe zone" in Baghdad? Yeah, well, not so safe.
Electronic voting machines? Not so good.
But at least someone had the vision and wisdom to make a "Miami Vice" movie.
Don't worry. Things aren't looking much better for amphibians.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
As expected, the Republicans are expressing outrage that John Kerry, in answering a question about homosexuality, would bring up the fact that Dick Cheney has a gay daughter. Sure, it was a bit awkward, but I think well within the boundaries of what is fair.
1. The question was about whether or not people choose to be gay.
2. Dick Cheney's daughter is out, and she has been campaigning for BC04.
3. Cheney's boss pushed a Constitutional amendment intended to discriminate against the gay community.
4. Kerry was making the point that we all know someone who is gay, and by bringing up Mary Cheney, it personalized the issue, and simultaneously points out the hypocrisy of Bushco.
5. Why is it so horrible to discuss someone's sexuality? The outrage from the right just shows how uncomfortable they are with the issue.
6. Even if this is out of bounds, since when do Republicans have a problem with dirty politics? These are the same people who spread rumors that McCain was mentally unstable and had a black child.
Lynne Cheney said of Kerry, "This is not a good man." Now, can you imagine how Republicans would react if Elizabeth Edwards or Teresa Heinz Kerry said the same of dear leader?
Ultimately, what this shows is that Bushco really has absolutely nothing else left to run on. No record. No plans for the future. No more Bush as likeable guy. Very desperate at this point.
Falafel. When he's not talking about "big boobs" and suggesting the purchase of a vibrator, Bill O'Reilly is writing children's books. Something tells me that sales will be dropping off.
O'Reilly's answer to these charges? "Shut up! Just shut up! Cut the mic!"
I'll bet that O'Lielly and Rushbo would throw one helluva party. Who knew that conservative talk radio hosts were such wild and crazy guys? Next thing you know, we're going to find out that Sean Hannity belongs to a swingers club.
More on the bulge. Letterman is having a good time with the bulge (via Salon)
David Letterman can't get enough of Bush's bulge. Here's a quick riff from his opening monologue Wednesday night:Sweet.
"How many folks tonight saw the third and final deabate? I thought George Bush looked great. He was wearing his three-piece bulge. ... It turned out, tonight, the first thing George W. did was show everybody that the bulge in the back of his jacket ... was just his flask. That's all it is ... I'll tell ya, I watched the debates and frankly Bush did look confused. At one point he tried to buy a vowel." UPDATE: Letterman went on to do a "Top 10 President Bush Explanations For The Bulge In His Jacket:"
10. "It's connected to an earpiece so Cheney can feed me answers--crap, I wasn't supposed to say that."
9. "It's a device that shocks me every time I mispronounce a word."
8. "Just a bunch of intelligence memos I haven't gotten around to reading yet."
7. "Mmm, delicious Muenster cheese."
6. "John Kerry initially voted for the bulge in my jacket, then voted against it."
5. "I'll tell you exactly what it is--it's a clear sign this economy is moving again."
4. "Halliburton is drilling my back for oil."
3. "Oh like you've never cheated in a presidential debate.
2. "Accidentally took some of Governor Schwarzenegger's 'roids."
1. "If Kerry's gonna look like a horse, then I'm gonna look like a camel."
"Ex-ag-ger-ra-tion." Case in point:
Shrub, 10/13/04: Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations.This one is great for two reasons: one, it shows that again Bush has a problem with telling the truth; two, people will be hearing bush say that he wasn't concerned about OBL.
Shrub, 3/13/02: So I don't know where he is. You know, I just don't spend that much time on him, we haven't heard much from him. . . . And I wouldn't necessarily say he's at the center of any command structure. And, again, I don't know where he is. I -- I'll repeat what I said. I truly am not that concerned about him.
Once again, Kerry took this one hands down. All Bush could do was try and make jokes, snicker, and talk about how the answer to everything that's going wrong is education. Can't get a job? Go back to school. Don't have healthcare? Go back to school. Living in poverty? Go back to school. Why? Because you're stupid. (there's someone at ASU in the background on MSNBC right now with a saying saying, "Screw Iraq, I need a job"). But at least Shrub didn't ask if anyone needed any wood.
Other points of note: Kerry said that he'd raise the minimum wage and he talked about the gender pay gap. Shrub didn't address either. Kerry said that he'd protect Roe v. Wade. Shrub won't. Kerry compared Shrub's credibility on fiscal responsibility to Tony Soprano's credibility on law and order. Nice. Kerry understands that people don't choose to be gay (people like Dick Cheney's GAY DAUGHTER). Shrub isn't quite sure (Chris Matthews said Kerry "should've asked Bush when he decided"). Way too much God-talk, but that's just my thing, and I'm going to burn in hell anyway.
As for Bob Schieffer, would it have killed you to ask about the environment or energy policy? But, he was okay, I suppose. But we really have to get rid of these stupid debate rules and put the candidates in a steelcage match. That'd be interesting. Kerry has the hand-to-hand combat training, but you know that Shrub would fight dirty, going for the eyes and the groin.
And okay, it's time for me to go to bed. MSNBC has Hall and Oates on their after hours show. They're Kerry supporters. I'm not going to make any political puns with their song titles--"maneater," "rich girl," "your kiss is on my lips." You can do that in comments. And good lord do they look scary. Oates looks like Calibos from "Clash of the Titans"--though he's talking about how the League of Women Voters was pushed out of the debate process, and that's why it's a dog and pony show now, so points for him.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Holy crap. O'Lielly has been hit with a sexual harassment lawsuit. You can read all the graphic details here. Freaky stuff, so consider yourself warned.
Spawn of Lynndie. America's sweetheart, Lynndie England, gave birth on Sunday. The father, Charles Graner, wasn't present because he's being held in Baghdad awaiting trial for his role in the prison abuse scandal. But sources tell us that when informed of the birth, he gave a big "thumbs up."
No pictures of the newborn have been released, but we were able to get hold of an artist's rendering of what the baby might look like.
W's old golfing buddy just so happens to be moderating the third and final debate, according to Media Matters.
And place your side bets here: how many times will Shrub say that Kerry "can run, but he can't hide" from his record in the Senate? And will he ask anyone if they "need some wood"?
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
The Bulge. FINALLY, I feel validated for believing in a conspiracy theory. A technical expert who designs wired devices for the military tells Salon that yes, Bush was wired. And Johnboy weighed in on the mystery bulge while appearing on Leno's show, saying that it might be Shrub's battery. He also reminded everyone that Shrub was a cheerleader, "[Bush] was on the side, with his pompoms."
So all eyes will be on Shrub in the final debate. And really, it doesn't even matter if he was or wasn't wearing a wire. The idea is out there, and there's no taking it back.
And if you've got nothing else to do, here's a list of advertisers on Sinclair networks.
RNC-funded voter fraud. Fucking criminals.
Employees of a private voter registration company allege that hundreds, perhaps thousands of voters who may think they are registered will be rudely surprised on election day. The company claims hundreds of registration forms were thrown in the trash.This election is going to make 2000 seem like a tea party.
The I-Team has obtained information about an alleged widespread pattern of potential registration fraud aimed at democrats. Thee focus of the story is a private registration company called Voters Outreach of America, AKA America Votes.
Two former workers say they personally witnessed company supervisors rip up and trash registration forms signed by Democrats.
"We caught her taking Democrats out of my pile, handed them to her assistant and he ripped them up right in front of us. I grabbed some of them out of the garbage and she tells her assisatnt to get those from me," said Eric Russell, former Voters Outreach employee
The company has been largely, if not entirely funded, by the Republican National Committee. Similar complaints have been received in Reno where the registrar has asked the FBI to investigate.
Oui be jammin. Can we get this over here?
PARIS - Watch a movie or make a mobile phone call. Soon, in France, you might not be able to do both at once.That would excellent if we could have theaters here do the same. And then maybe they could work on lowering the price of soda and popcorn. Not very likely though.
The government's industry minister has approved a decision to let cinemas, concert halls and theaters install cell phone jammers — on condition that emergency calls can still get through, officials said Monday.
Jean Labbe, president of the National Federation of French Cinemas, said the measure was a response to "a long-standing request" from cinemas of all sizes.
Cinemas have invested heavily to improve comfort, and "the authorization of jammers is the cherry on the cake," he told France Info radio.
Industry Minister Patrick Devedjian gave the go-ahead Friday, backing a decision by the Telecommunications Regulation Authority to allow jammers, his ministry said in a statement.
Devedjian specified however that emergency calls and calls made outside theaters and other performance spaces must not be affected.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Caption this. Just what could Shrub possibly be talking about here?
And yeah, I'm being a lazy blogger here. But tomorrow will bring the long-awaited return of No Politics Tuesday. And then Wednesday we'll have the third and final debate, the Tempest in Tempe. (You like that? I spent all day thinking up that one...I'm a little slow)
Friday, October 08, 2004
Need some wood? What the hell was that all about? And still, don't forget about Poland (even though they announced their intentions to pull out of the coalition). And if you can't win based on your record and your ideas, then just TALK LOUDER AND YELL AT EVERYONE.
On the issue of Shrub's ownership in a timber company---turns out Kerry was right, and Shrub did file his taxes as a small business owner back in 2001. So Kerry knows more about Shrub's taxes than Shrub does?
On the issue of Charlie "Why Won't My Head Stop Bobbling" Gibson, he let Shrub run roughshod over him at one point, and on several occasions redirected questions to Kerry for rebuttal but did not do the same with Shrubby. Better than Gwen Ifill though. At least Chucky didn't impose any stupid rules on the answers.
On the issue of the questioners, there sure were a lot of white folks. Granted, Missouri is 84% white non-Latino, but since this is a debate in a national election, it'd be nice if more than just one question were posed by a person of color.
Again, in my completely objective and non-partisan view, Kerry won this one. Shrub really has no game other than saying that Kerry is a liberal flippity-flopper. And given the chance to fess up to a couple of minor mistakes, Shrub instead proclaims that he has been right about everything--except for a couple of appointments. Yesss...it's because of his incredible judgement that everything is so completely fucked up right now. So what insights would Shrub bring in to a second term? None.
So we're two down, and one to go. Next stop: Tempe, next Wednesday.
The Fury in Missouri. Will Shrub shed the scowl? Will John Kerry deliver the deathblow? Will Dick Cheney emerge from the shadows, unhinge his jaw, and swallow Charles Gibson? Will Teresa Heinz Kerry mess with Laura Bush and also wear blue? It's. All. So. Exciting.
Actually, the unexpected could come in the form of someone posing as a "soft" supporter of Shrub or Kerry and then going off script. And for the conspiracy-theory-minded, all eyes will be on Shrub to look for answers to the million dollar question, is Bush wired?
As for me, I got my haircut, and I've got my margarita mix. Let the good times roll.
Round Two. Friday night debate night!!! I've got my foam "#1" hand, my popcorn, and my beer-hat ready to go. And I can only wonder how Shrub is going to try and explain his way out of the shittay jobs report released today. Congrats, George, you stupid monkey, you're the first president to actually lose jobs since my main man Herbie Hoover back in 1932.
Weren't all those tax cuts supposed to create jobs and growth? Well, considering that they've now resorted to using Saddam's supposed manipulation of the oil-for-food program as justification for their illegal war (I say "supposed" b/c the source is highly dubious), I'm sure they'll have no problem coming up with an explanation for this one. Tax cuts so that ordinary people will have more money to buy duct tape to protect themselves from the terrorists?
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Back in March, I noted that Wal-Mart, everyone's favorite evil corporation, was going to launch its own magazine. Well, it happened. The magazine promises, "In every issue, on every page, All You will make you feel great about your life and yourself. Just the way you are."
Okay, fine, that's noble and all. Making the masses feel great about their lives is something that I can only imagine being able to do. Kudos to you, Wal-Mart, you bastion of unethical business practices and foreign-made American flags. But just how is Wal-Mart going to reassure everyone of their own self-worth? According to the October issue:
Low Carbs for Cheap - How to lose weight and save money with the Low-Cost, Low-Carb DietThe message? You're fat, your wardrobe sucks, your double-wide is a mess, and you seriously need to get your shit together. Feel great, fucker.
Smart Tricks for Spiffing Up Your Casual Clothes
Transform Your Home in 24 Hours - Simple painting techniques to spruce up any room
Fall's Best "Get Organized" Bags
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
That reminds me of back in March when Shrub was joking about the failure to find WMD.
President Bush poked fun at his staff, his Democratic challenger and himself Wednesday night at a black-tie dinner where he hobnobbed with the news media.Still not funny.
Bush put on a slide show, calling it the "White House Election-Year Album" at the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association 60th annual dinner, showing himself and his staff in some decidedly unflattering poses.
There was Bush looking under furniture in a fruitless, frustrating search. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere," he said.
Headlines! Iraq and Iran edition.
Iraq: "U.S. Report Finds No Evidence of Iraq WMD"
Iran: "Iran Says It Has Processed Tons of Uranium"
I think the Bushco rationale for war has been reduced to, "My friend has a roommate whose cousin worked with this guy who said that he was watching The History Channel, and he said there was this story about how Saddam Hussein was a madman, and who are you going to believe? John Kerry or The History Channel?" That, according to Condi Rice.
Best Debate Moment. This one had me cheering:
EDWARDS: That was a complete distortion of my record. I know that won't come as a shock.Dick Cheney: Man of the People. And don't let the spinners tell you otherwise---John Edwards won the debate. Cheney couldn't defend their record, he could only offer up more lies, more fear, and more of the same. Though, Edwards did seem a little off his game, but how can you debate someone who is so thoroughly detached from reality?
The vice president, I'm surprised to hear him talk about records. When he was one of 435 members of the United States House, he was one of 10 to vote against Head Start, one of four to vote against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors.
He voted against the Department of Education. He voted against funding for Meals on Wheels for seniors. He voted against a holiday for Martin Luther King. He voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela in South Africa.
It's amazing to hear him criticize either my record or John Kerry's.
Cheney: Up is down. John Kerry tells you that 2+2=4, but he'll also tell you that 2x2=4. We can't trust a man without conviction. The sky is falling.
Ifill: Senator Edwards? A response, but only if you speak in pig-latin and stand on one foot.
Edwards: Up is up, and down is down, Gwen. I don't know how much clearer I can make that. 2+2 and 2x2 can both equal four, and John Kerry and I will show the American people our plan to prove it. Finally, the sky isn't falling, but if it were, Halliburton would get a no-bid contract to fix it.
Ifill: Mr.Vice President, thirty seconds.
Cheney: His facts are just wrong. I never said that up is down. Now watch me pull a rabbit out of this hat.
Ifill: Senator Edwards, thirty seconds.
Edwards: Are you people shitting me that we're not winning by a landslide?
Cheney is an asshole. But you already knew that. From the debate transcript:
EDWARDS: You know, we've taken 90 percent of the coalition casualties. American taxpayers have borne 90 percent of the costs of the effort in Iraq.Note that Edwards was speaking about coalition casualties. The Iraqi security forces are not included in that figure, so Edwards is right. And why does Cheney insist on minimizing and diminishing the sacrifices that have been made by the U.S. military?
And we see the result of there not being a coalition: The first Gulf War cost America $5 billion. We're at $200 billion and counting.
John Kerry will never give up control over the security of the United States of America to any other country. We will not outsource our responsibility to keep this country safe.
IFILL: Mr. Vice President, you have 90 seconds to respond.
CHENEY: Well, Gwen, the 90 percent figure is just dead wrong. When you include the Iraqi security forces that have suffered casualties, as well as the allies, they've taken almost 50 percent of the casualties in operations in Iraq, which leaves the U.S. with 50 percent, not 90 percent.
(as for the $200 billion, that's the projected price tag through next September...and still, $120 billion is quite a bit more than $5 billion, and more than the bill of goods they sold this war on)
Cheney's claim that he had never before met Edwards? It looks like Cheney is lying again.
And is Gwen Ifill really that stupid?
IFILL: ... I want people to understand exactly what it is, as you said, that Senator Kerry did say."Global" is another word for "universal." It is also another way to say "comprehensive," "total," "inclusive," "overall," or "large-scale." It's called a the-saur-us, Gwen. SHIFT+F7 in MSWord. Give it a try sometime. And Kerry said "prove to the world that you did it for legitimate reasons." Past tense. You don't give someone a veto after the fact. Jeebus, she was horrible. And what was up with this question:
He said, "You've got to do" -- you know, he was asked about preemptive action at the last debate -- he said, "You've got to do it in a way that passes the test, that passes the global test where your countrymen, your people understand fully why you're doing what you're doing and can prove to the world that you did it for legitimate reasons." What is a global test if it's not a global veto?
IFILL: Mr. Vice President, picking up on that, you both just sang the praises of the tops of your ticket.Why the hell shouldn't they be able to say Bush or Kerry? And then she interrupted Edwards when he mentioned Kerry by name. Stoopid. Did she think it was just some silly little game, and she was making them play by her rules? Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid.
Without mentioning them by name at all, explain to us why you are different from your opponent, starting with you, Mr. Vice President.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Who said it? Tonight:
I have not suggested there's a connection between Iraq and 9/11September 2003:
[Iraq is part of] the geographic base of the terrorists who have had us under assault for many years, but most especially on 9/11.
If you answered anything to these other than "Cheney," then you don't know Dick.
Who said it?
I think we'd be better off if we, in fact, backed off those sanctions (on Iran), didn't try to impose secondary boycotts on companies . . . trying to do business over there . . . and instead started to rebuild those relationships.Also:
We're kept out of [Iran] primarily by our own government, which has made a decision that U.S. firms should not be allowed to invest significantly in Iran. I think that's a mistake.
Who said it?
Let me make a generalized statement about a trend I see in the U.S. Congress that I find disturbing, that applies not only with respect to the Iranian situation but a number of others as well. I think we Americans sometimes make mistakes . . . There seems to be an assumption that somehow we know what's best for everybody else and that we are going to use our economic clout to get everybody else to live the way we would like.
Who said it? In preparation for the Edwards/Cheney debate, let's play a little game. Here's a quotation, and you see if you can figure out who said it. Here's our first one:
If [the president] "doesn't really cut defense, he becomes the No. 1 special pleader in town...The severity of the deficit is great enough that the president has to reach out and take a whack at everything to be credible...If you're going to rule out the other two [Social Security cuts and a tax increase], then you've got to hit defense."
Monday, October 04, 2004
My hometown. If you're pregnant and smoking, the last thing you should be worrying about is the effect of noise from construction. But not if you live in Roanoke. (thanks to Clarence for the link)
Darwin award nominee. Headline says it all, "Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It."
BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday."Out of danger"??? Danger of what? Catching the clap? When reached for comment, the dog said, "Tastes like chicken."
It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.
"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
They distort, we deride. Faux News has been caught red-handed making shit up about John Kerry. Fabricating quotes 'n stuff. But it doesn't stop there! No, no. They also show off their photoshopping skillz by magically making Shrub taller. LIES! LIARS! LIIIIIIIIIEEEESSSS!!!
(and don't forget about Poland)
Friday, October 01, 2004
But Bush also overstated the case when he corrected Kerry by saying that the senator forgot to mention that Poland supplied forces when the invasion began. Kerry said there were three countries that did -- Britain, Australia and the United States -- and Bush said, "actually he forgot Poland."So either Shrub was misleading, or he is clueless about his own coalition. And just how does the Polish president feel about being a part of the coalition? "They deceived us about the weapons of mass destruction, that's true. We were taken for a ride."(via Atrios)
Poland later supplied troops and commanded a zone in Iraq. But, except for a few commandos, Polish troops were not part of the original ground invasion. And though Bush said there are 30 countries in the coalition, he neglected to say that about a half-dozen have recently withdrawn their troops. (WaPo)
Paging Doctor Freud. From the debate, Shrub sez:
But to say that there's only one focus on the war on terror doesn't really understand the nature of the war on terror. Of course we're after Saddam Hussein -- I mean bin Laden.Oy.