Back in March, I noted that Wal-Mart, everyone's favorite evil corporation, was going to launch its own magazine. Well, it happened. The magazine promises, "In every issue, on every page, All You will make you feel great about your life and yourself. Just the way you are."

Okay, fine, that's noble and all. Making the masses feel great about their lives is something that I can only imagine being able to do. Kudos to you, Wal-Mart, you bastion of unethical business practices and foreign-made American flags. But just how is Wal-Mart going to reassure everyone of their own self-worth? According to the October issue:

Low Carbs for Cheap - How to lose weight and save money with the Low-Cost, Low-Carb Diet

Smart Tricks for Spiffing Up Your Casual Clothes

Transform Your Home in 24 Hours - Simple painting techniques to spruce up any room

Fall's Best "Get Organized" Bags

The message? You're fat, your wardrobe sucks, your double-wide is a mess, and you seriously need to get your shit together. Feel great, fucker.