And the winner is.... With 48.5% of the vote, the winner of the October Surprise poll is "Dick Cheney reveals himself to be John Edwards' father, invites Edwards to the Dark Side where they will rule the galaxy together as father and son."

Darth Cheney reveals his identity to Edwards, "John Kerry never told you what happened to your father." "He told me enough, he told me that you killed him." "No...I am your father." "No...it can't be true...I'll never join you!" Edwards then drops off the platform, down the chute, and is picked up by Al Sharpton in the role of Lando Calrissian, Janeane Garofalo as Leia, and Howard Dean as Chewbacca. From there, they develop their plan to travel back to Tattooine to rescue Bill Clinton as Han Solo who has been frozen in carbonite and is being held by Jabba the Hutt, played by Karl Rove.

Cheney could easily be Darth Vader. Both have hearts controlled by a machine. You can almost hear the Star Wars music playing when Cheney walks into a room. And I can just hear Cheney saying with a sneer, "Senator Kerry's lack of faith in the force, frankly, it disturbs me." He would then add, "During his time in the Imperial Senate, Senator Kerry voted 245 times against weapons programs across 40 different star systems. Programs like the AT-AT which we now know was integral to our assault on the Rebels on the ice planet Hoth. If it had been up to Senator Kerry, we would not have the Death Star, and the people of Alderaan would be free to attack us here at home."

Problem is, there's no redeemable good with Cheney.