Regarding Yngwie. Joel, our Senior Guitar Correspondent, writes in:

i can tell you why you're getting hits on your blog for 'yngwie malmsteen unleash the fury'.
he has a new album coming out, and guess what he named it.

Well, that certainly does explain things. For all things Yngwie, click here. For the "fooking fury" soundclip, click here. And for a truly horrible picture of Katie Couric at the Oscars, click here.

Snow Day #2. The area is shut down today. Amount of snow on the ground? None.

Cakewalk. 106 dead, 133 wounded by two successive suicide bombings in Iraq today. But...but...I thought the elections were supposed to make things better. Just like "Mission Accomplished," the killing of Uday and Qusay, the capture of Saddam, the "handover of power," and the capture of any leader or associate of anyone.
Where's Scottie McMuffin to tell us that this is just a sign of desperation from people who hate freedom and don't want a free and democratic Iraq?

We get traffic. Kristin mentioned one of the more odd referring search terms that led someone to her blog--something about somebody's "ass in a mirror." Over the past few days, I've had more people that usual getting here via searches for the elusive video of a monkey washing a cat, most likely because of The Daily Show's use of the clip. Other popular search terms have been variations on "yngwie malmsteen unleash the fury", and then people searching for "Scottie McMuffin," my pet name for Scott McClellan. Speaking of--if you thought his forehead was abnormally huge, then you really should see his brother's forehead. It's huge! Gargantuan even.

And along the lines of Scottie McMuffin and shameless shills for Bushco, Ari Fleischer will be on The Daily Show this week. Hey Asshat, remember when you said, "Well, there is no question that we have evidence and information that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, biological and chemical particularly... all this will be made clear in the course of the operation, for whatever duration it takes."

Quarter-Century Man. Happy Birthday to Pan Danio. Hope your birthday involves plenty of Polish sweets.

Snow day! School's closed today. Oh, how exciting! So now I can sit around all day with the television on without showering...of course, that's close to how things would probably go regardless.

"The Daily Show" last night showed the famous video of a monkey washing a cat, video that you can see here. But TDS had a much better quality video. And Triumph was on Conan last night with video from the red carpet at the Grammys. You can catch a replay of Conan on CNBC at 7 EST, the same time that TDS replays.

If you're not up on your latest JimJeff GuckertGannon news, get thee to Americablog.

Iceman Secrets. Alpine Iceman Reveals Stone Age Secrets:

BOLZANO, Italy (Reuters) - Some 5,300 years after his violent death, a Stone Age man found frozen in the Alps is slowly revealing his secrets to a global team of scientists.

Among the secrets the Iceman has revealed:

"If you eat a bag of Pop Rocks and then drink a can of Coke, your stomach will not explode."

"Never pay for extended warranties on appliances. It's a scam."

"Entering the passcode "JUSTIN BAILEY" will let you play the original NES "Metroid" without body armor."

"Betty Rubble gave me the clap."

"Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think 'Invisible Touch' was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums."

But seriously, folks. It's pretty neat-o what they've been able to piece together 5300 years later--such as, DNA tests have identified traces of blood from four different people, leading one professor to speculate that Iceman may have been assassinated. Who assassinated him? Maverick and Goose.

Old folks hate freedom. It's true! See the real AARP agenda. Ridiculous. Here is the real Bush agenda.

And the people on television tell me that Shrub ate French fries, NOT freedom fries, with Chirac today. Of course, french fries not of the McDonalds variety are a Belgian creation.

"Where's Junior?" Today was the running of the Daytona 500, and like last year, we watched the race. And like last year, I fell asleep, and my legal counsel lectured me on how I wasn't understanding "the strategy...man against machine, the ultimate competition." And when Junior (Dale Earnhardt Jr., #8) pulled ahead of Tony Stewart with five laps to go, she let out a whoop of excitement, "Yeah, go, Junior, go!" But then after another caution, Jeff Gordon pulled out ahead of the pack and took the win. This much to her dismay, "I hate Jeff Gordon!" I'm not exactly sure where this animosity toward Jeff Gordon comes from, but she loathes the Rainbow Warrior.

But NASCAR is the fastest growing "sport" in recent years, and I guess this just demonstrates its reach. I just hope that I don't go out to the car one day to find a number 8 decal in the rear window.

(I should disclose here that I had actually turned to the race while Nathalie was out, and I did sit there and watch most of it--for the crashes, of course)

Class. At today's press conference where Shrub announced the nomination of John Negroponte for the National Intelligence Director (a position that Bush opposed and then favored...you could say he flip-flopped on it), Dear Leader was calling on reporters, and we have this exchange:

THE PRESIDENT: Let's see, have I gone through all the TV personalities yet?

Q Yes. (Laughter.)

THE PRESIDENT: Herman.

Q Mr. President, good morning.

THE PRESIDENT: A face made for radio, I might add.

Q Thank you. My mother appreciates it. (Laughter.)

What an obnoxious asshole. "Face for radio" is a way of calling someone u-g-l-y ugly. I'm sure the guy's mom really appreciates Shrub calling her son an ugly son of a buck. And this also shows just how entirely unoriginal our fratboy prez really is. He has apparently made this joke on several other occasions, most notably at another press conference back in October of 2003.

Here's a funny site comparing the leadership style of Shrub and David Brent of "The Office."

What could beat a monkey washing a cat? Only one thing. Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey. Watch the video here and learn more about Whiplash here. If neither loads up on the first try, it's probably because traffic is high since this was on ESPN Sportscenter this morning.

Rapture, hell yeah! I received a mailing yesterday for The Prophecy Code: Bible Secrets Unlocked!, one of these groups preaching that all the terra alerts, tsunamis, and war are a sign that the four horseman of the apocalypse have saddled up the horses and will be riding into town any time now. Here is the brochure I received. It seems that there is a live satellite event in March, and I'm invited to watch a live broadcast at a nearby location. What are people saying about The Prophecy Code?

"Finally, some clear answers about Bible prophecy that really make sense!"
"I never dreamed I'd learn so much. This information has changed my life for the better."
"I now have an inner peace that scary news headlines can't shake."

Sounds like a good time.

Link updates. A few new blogs on the sidebar. I've been notified that Daniel's Polish blog is no more, but he has a livejournal page, airpolonia.

Oh, and did you hear that the NHL cancelled its season? Yeah, I don't give a fuck either.

He's a uniter, not a divider. Shrub really does have the power to bring people together. Case in point, Iran and Syria have agreed to form a "united front" against any outside threats. Hmmm...I wonder who they are talking about.

Los shenanigans. If you're tired of reading this blog in english, then you should try it en español. According to the sitemeter, somebody already has. ¡Crap santo!

Fight for your right to...riot? There never has been and most likely never will be a sports riot at my alma mater. There might have been some rowdy cheering and perhaps even some gestures unfit for proper society at some of the games. But the Williamsburg police were never called in to regulate any victory celebrations (not that there was any shortage of fuzz in town; they were like Visa, everywhere you want to be). So I can't say that I can empathize with the urge to go out and burn shit and break stuff--after a basketball game, I mean.

But not the kids at the University of Maryland. You might recall the shenanigans last March after Maryland beat Duke for the ACC tourney championship. Shenanigans so important that they could only be compared to the anti-war protests of the Vietnam era. The Maryland kids love a good riot much in the same way that Neil Bush loves Thai hookers. So this past Saturday night after the Maryland basketball team beat Duke ("the anti-Christ") for the second time this season, the next logical step was to get out there and get your riot on. Inevitably, the police tactics turned ugly according to some accounts (the Prince George's County police don't have the best reputation as it is), and it wouldn't be a true riot unless someone was shot in the face by one of the "non-lethal" weapons.

In the wake of the rioting, an intelligent and thoughtful discourse has begun with letters to the editor of the student newspaper:

You hear the same grievance time and time again: The rioting needs to stop. This is an easy answer, but we need to dig deeper. The electricity and energy expressed here during and after basketball games is a very special thing. Yet we need to harness this excitement into an alternative that combines the students’ desire to celebrate with the community’s concern for blind destruction. The answer to this quandary is to sanction and enclose an area of the campus (i.e. Fraternity Row) for a supervised “riot.” Instead of spending thousands of taxpayers’ dollars on ridiculous cautionary provisions such as a top secret U.S. military mega-chopper and a fully functional tank that belongs in the Gaza Strip rather than College Park, why not supply us with burnable benches and other items we can destroy without harming anyone/anything else?

The university has to be smart about what happens after big wins. The riots will continue to happen, and a compromise has to be made. We are wasting money and manpower and bringing more attention to an event that could be easily avoided. Face the facts — or face the wrath of seasoned Terp rioters.

What an amazing idea! The University could sanction the rioting! Problem solved! It's not like that would be any sort of massive insurance liability to the school and the state or anything like that. Just get some of those "riot benches" from IKEA, and everything will be under control. The University does need to "dig deeper" and "be smart," and this is the enlightened path. Oy.

Okay, to the student's credit, he does make a point that an amped up police presence coupled with an antagonistic attitude tends to make things worse. And I think the P.G. County Police really do have a tank on hand just in case. I'd not be surprised if the police probably did cross the line when it came to applying tactics for crowd control (a couple of our regular posters have been subjected to crowd-control methods by Tucson's finest). But any notion that it is the right of students to riot or else they will unleash the fooking fury is flat-out ridiculous.

Holy crap. More on "Jeff Gannon," hustler and former White House "reporter."

Lots more at Americablog. Not necessarily work-safe.

Man, this is bizarre. Again, it's not about the sex, it's about how the hell did this guy get access to the Honky Crib and internal CIA memos.

Small penis? Then the Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck might just be the truck for you.

ASPER, Texas - For some drivers, even a Hummer may not be enough. At a curb weight of more than 3.5 tons, the Humvee-inspired Hummer H1 is no skinny guy who gets sand kicked in his face. But the Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck, a dressed-up military vehicle more than twice as heavy, is being billed as bigger, badder and more bodacious.

Again, if you've got a hard-on to drive a "dressed-up military vehicle," then do us all a favor and join the Army and stay the fuck out of my rear view mirror.

For a base price of $225,000 — nearly twice the Hummer H1 wagon's base price of $117,508 — consumers can get a basic version of the 10-foot-tall Bad Boy that can drive through five feet of water, climb a 60-degree grade, tow six tons and keep rolling even with a quarter-sized hole in the tire's sidewall.

PLUS, for all you urban commandos, it'll haul back all your bags from the shopping mall. Hit a homeless person? Don't worry, you won't even notice.

Art Spinella, president of CNW Marketing Research and an auto industry expert, said there's definitely a market for Bad Boy Trucks.

"It's exactly what the Humvee was all about — an absolutely useless vehicle for consumers," Spinella said. "It's a statement vehicle. I know people who would buy this and that's the only reason they would do it — because it makes a statement."

That statement? "I'm an asshole." And don't forget to slap a "Support Our Troops" yellow ribbon on the back of your Bad Boy Truck so that you can proudly show your support for the troops who are dying so that you can act out your narcissistic fantasies at only $2 a gallon.

You remember when Neil Bush admitted to having sex with prostitutes in Thailand? I do.

Good times. One of my more favorite moments when teaching the kids in Intro to Soc classes (other than laying out the realities of the American class structure and debunking the American Dream, making fun of their pop icons, or somehow dropping into discussion that I had a mullet in the 8th grade) is watching the lightbulbs flashing on once they realize that the Nacirema are simply Americans.

Condiliar. More evidence that Condi has a problem with the truth and that Bushco was asleep at the wheel pre-9/11.

VICTORY!!! Sag away!

RICHMOND, Virginia (AP) -- Virginia lawmakers dropped their droopy-pants bill Thursday after the whole thing became just too embarrassing.

The bill, which would have slapped a $50 fine on people who wear their pants so low that their underwear is visible in "a lewd or indecent manner," passed the state House on Tuesday but was killed by a Senate committee in a unanimous vote.

Republican Sen. Thomas K. Norment said news reports implied that lawmakers were preoccupied with droopy pants.

"I find that an indignation, which dampens my humor," Norment said.

Oh but Sen.Norment, it did so much for our humor. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed that nobody was able to test the legal bounds of the droopy drawer legislation.

And so we live on to fight another day.

"I'm as happy as a little girl!"



I'm not going to even link to a story about Charles and Camilla getting married. But I will link to a picture of a two-headed python.

Rich people kick ass. The Post has this article talking about how most people don't agree with Shrub's assessment that Soc.Security is in a "crisis," but that most people think it will go bankrupt within two decades (which is also completely wrong in more ways than one). But this passage struck me as quite amusing:

Solid majorities reject both increases in payroll taxes and decreases in retirement benefits, except for the wealthy.

Ahhh ha ha ha. Oh, you wealthy people, you crack me up. Why should you care about cuts in benefits? And why wouldn't you support increases in payroll taxes? It's as if the government stops collecting payroll taxes on amounts over $80,000 and the wealthy are less reliant on those monthly social security checks.

Update: Daver might be right that rather than the wealthy supporting cuts in benefits or increases in payroll taxes, solid majorities support cuts in benefits for the wealthy and increases in payroll taxes on the wealthy. And I think his interpretation might be right. I just find it hard to believe that all of a sudden, the same people who supported Shrub's tax cuts for the rich and all his other programs intended to fuck over the middle and working class would realize that the rich are getting the best of them. BUT, I would bet that the rich would have less of a problem with cuts in benefits and a raise in the payroll tax rate (but not the cap on payroll taxes).

This and that. Salon's story on "Jeff Gannon" hits all the important points, and Daily Kos has an interesting timeline of when and where Gannon (conveniently) showed up.

Oh, and then there's some shit about how the Medicare drug benefit is going to cost way more than anyone admitted. Like a couple hundred billion more.

And something about a 9/11 commission report that says the FAA received 52 intelligence reports between April and Sept.10, 2001, specifically mentioning Osama and/or Al Qaeda, five of which dealt with the threat of hijackings. Oh, and Bushco sat on this report for five months. But hey, what are you gonna do? It's not like Bush got an intelligence report titled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States" a month before 9/11 and then did nothing.

But shit, y'all, there's kids in Virginny with their underwear showin!

Droopy Drawers. More on the Virginia House of Delegates' plans to let loose the fashion police.

HOUSE BILL NO. 1981

AMENDMENT IN THE NATURE OF A SUBSTITUTE

(Proposed by the House Committee for Courts of Justice on February 4, 2005)

(Patron Prior to Substitute--Delegate Howell, A.T.)

A BILL to amend the Code of Virginia by adding a section numbered 18.2-387.1, relating to indecent display of below-waist undergarments.

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of Virginia:

1. That the Code of Virginia is amended by adding a section numbered 18.2-387.1 as follows:

§ 18.2-387.1. Indecent display of underwear.
Any person who, while in a public place, intentionally wears and displays his below-waist undergarments, intended to cover a person's intimate parts, in a lewd or indecent manner, shall be subject to a civil penalty of no more than $50. "Intimate parts" has the same meaning as in § 18.2-67.10.

FYI: Code 18.2-67.10 defines "intimate parts" as "the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, or buttocks of any person."

A couple more things on this. How will they define intent? What if you didn't know that your pants are sagging down so low as to reveal your drawers? And what if the undergarments are designed in such a way that they aren't intended to cover those intimate parts? What about crotchless underwear? Or edible undergarments? What if someone is wearing underwear over their pants while simultaneously having underwear on under the pants, and the underwear beneath the pants is not on display? And what about people who wear boxer shorts as regular shorts? Will that count? What if I want to run around with a pair of tighty-whities on my head? Would I be subject to the $50 fine? I need to know.

Did you hear the one about the guy who used a fake name, had questionable journalistic credentials, repeatedly got into the White House to ask Scottie McMuffin and the prez softball questions, and was supoenaed in the Plame investigation because somehow he got access to an internal CIA memo? And then evidence turns up linking him to a website promoting gay prostitution? And then he up and quits, and all his articles (laden with plagiarism) disappear from the "news" site that he volunteered for? No? Well start here for background info and then browse around here for the details and consideration of the Clinton test, i.e. what would happen if Clinton were prez?

"Why are all these people dirty?" That's what I think when I see all these people walking around with what appears to be dirt on their foreheads. And then I remember, "Oh yeah, it's Ash Wednesday," and I continue about my business.

Update: A Friend of Gary pointed out that it's also Chinese New Year's and Islamic New Year's Eve. Everybody party according to the dictates of your own cultural heritage! For me, that means watching "Oz: Season 3: Disc 3."

Priorities. Is there really nothing else better for the Virginia legislature to be worrying about than low-riding pants?

RICHMOND, Va. - Virginians who wear their pants so low their underwear shows may want to think about investing in a stronger belt.

The state's House of Delegates passed a bill Tuesday authorizing a $50 fine for anyone who displays his or her underpants in a "lewd or indecent manner."

Two things. First, there is no way the bill will work because the language "lewd or indecent" is too vague and unenforceable. Second, is there really nothing else better for them to be doing? Have all the other problems been solved? Is unemployment at a near-zero rate? Are all the schools properly funded? All the roads nicely paved? Short lines at the Department of Motor Vehicles? The ports all secured?

If this bill passes, then I think we should all take a field trip to Virginia and test the boundaries of what would be considered "lewd or indecent" exposure of underwear. Idiots.

Shrub's America. Homeless vets from Iraq and Afghanistan. Yellow ribbons my ass.

Supportin' the troops. More budgetary courage from Bushco.

President Bush's budget would more than double the co-payment charged to many veterans for prescription drugs and would require some to pay a new fee of $250 a year for the privilege of using government health care, administration officials said Sunday.

How many Shrub supporters who drive SUVs with the "support our troops" yellow ribbon magnets will recognize the hypocrisy here? My guess? Not many. Apparently, cognitive dissonance isn't a problem for them. But wait...there's a good explanation for the $250 fee:

The administration says the co-payment and the $250 "user fee" would apply mainly to veterans in lower-priority categories, who have higher incomes and do not have service-related disabilities.

So this is who we're asking to make sacrifices? What about all those other people with higher incomes who account for the majority of Bush's tax cuts? Rolling back the tax cuts would generate far more revenue than any "user fee" imposed on veterans would. Cheney, what do you have to say about all this?

"It's not something we've done with a meat ax, nor are we suddenly turning our backs on the most needy people in our society."

He's right. There is nothing sudden about any of this. Cheney and his pals have been turning their back on the most needy people in society for a long time now.

Thanks, America. Thankyou for electing Shrub for another term. Finally, we have a leader courageous enough to stick it to those lazy local emergency responders.

According to figures obtained by the AP, Bush would slice a $600 million grant program for local police agencies to $60 million next year. Grants to local firefighters, for which Congress provided $715 million this year, would fall to $500 million.

That's what you get for backing John Kerry, you bastards. 9/11 was over three years ago, and your fifteen minutes of fame are clearly up. But it's not just fire and police departments that Shrub is standing up against. He's also going after the bottom-feeders of society--the old and the poor.

The $2.2 billion program that provides low-income people — in large part the elderly — with home-heating aid would be cut to $2 billion.

Suck it, old-timers! We gots an empire to maintain! That $200 million is owed to Halliburton anyhow.

Defense Department documents obtained Friday show the Pentagon's budget would grow by 4.8 percent to $419.3 billion.

So let me make sure that I understand this...another $20 billion will be spent on defense, and this is in part being made possible by cutting about a billion dollars in funding for police, fire, and support for the poor and elderly. And that increase in defense spending doesn't even account for the $5 billion a month going to the war in Iraq and operations in Afghanistan? Awesome!!!

But why stop there? You deserve more, America. You deserve a president who will also fight against such wasteful government agencies like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

His plan would also cut the budget of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention by 9 percent, to $6.9 billion, the documents show.... The president's budget would also eliminate a block grant that provides $131 million for preventive health services.

Take that...sick people! Take that...people who might get sick!

What a brave leader we have in George W. Bush. He could buckle and reduce some of the tax cuts given to the ultra-rich to pay for all these programs, but what sort of message would that send to our enemies? Again, I can't believe I didn't support him. I love the GOP!!!

Sign of the beast. The "W" stands for "Why the fuck are my parents writing on my face?" Shortly after, the child took a "pre-emptive strike" in his diapers.

What was I thinking? How could I have ever supported anyone but our great leader, George W. Bush? A Kerry administration wouldn't be nearly as colorful as this. We've got pro-torture Alberto Gonzales as the new Attorney General. We have a Sec. of Defense who is afraid to go to Germany because he could possibly be arrested for war crimes. And a Sec. of State who is a pathological liar and rattles the saber in Iran's general direction (perpetual war requires perpetual enemies) saying, "I don't think anybody thinks that the unelected mullahs who run that regime are a good thing for the Iranian people and for the region." As opposed to the unelected leaders of Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Egypt, Jordan, Kuwait, etc. Condi is cool with those.

Framing. The Republicans convinced the middle class that they should be worried about the estate death tax even though it was targeted at the rich. Progressives need to run with this idea of the "birth tax."

Snake oil. Equivalent to Shrub's proposal to privatize social security. The social security "crisis" is just as real as the "crisis" posed by Iraq's WMD. It doesn't exist. The Boston Globe sums it up nicely:

the statement that starting in 2018 the government "will somehow have to come up with" extra billions to stay afloat ignores the fact that there exists a substantial trust fund now invested in US treasury bonds and will make up the shortfall for several decades. Second, the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office has projected the trust fund will be exhausted in 2052; the year 2042 is an older figure that came from the Social Security Trustees, who used a different set of economic assumptions. Finally, even after 2052, the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities has noted the system could still pay out 80 percent of normal benefits without new taxes or borrowing.

So the "crisis" is that in 2052, the system as it now stands will only be able to pay out 80% of the guaranteed benefits. Here are more details and a nifty chart on how privatization would be a raw deal and, according to White House officials, won't even solve the ginned up crisis.

And since I didn't watch the SOTU last night, I missed the Kodak moment when an Iraqi woman who voted in the election hugged the mother of a soldier killed in Falluja. Seems that the Iraqi woman isn't your typical Iraqi voter. I'm shocked.

SOTU. I'm not going to make the same mistake as last year and watch Shrub's SOTU address tonight. There will be plenty of other places detailing the lies and distortions. Instead, I think I'll watch the first disc of "Oz" season four.

Sociology Blog Battle Royal. What happens when one sociology group blog questions the sincerity of another? All hell breaks loose. It's bloodier than an East Coast vs. West Coast rap rivalry. More riveting than an episode of "Tilt" on ESPN. Snippier than a bingo game gone horribly wrong. Break out the brass knuckles, switchblades, and lead pipes. It's on! Starts here and continues here.

I'm not sure that some sort of ultimate fighting round-robin tournament at the annual sociological meetings would be the worst thing for the discipline's image. Most people think that sociology is some combination of psychology and social work anyway. You'd just have to watch out for the postmodernists. They fight dirty.

Sammy Sosa to the Orioles? Given the O's futility over the past seven years, why am I not excited about this? Oh, that's right, it's because this is the same strategy they've been using for the last eight seasons--bringing in aging veterans who are past their prime and saddled with bloated salaries in hopes of turning things around. It's called a pitching staff. And they don't have one.

And can I just say how tired I am of those icky Overstock.com commercials with their skeevy camera angles and overdone double-entendres? I can? Okay, I'm tired of them.

February 1, 2005 already? Seems like just yesterday it was February 1, 2004. Or January. Either one.

What the hell happened to January? This year is 1/12 over, and what do I have to show for it? About as much as most other years, I suppose. I really should start exercising, but that would take more effort than I'm willing to put in right now. The campus rec center is way too far from the department building. It would be a workout just to get there. And from my experience at the U. of Arizona rec center, you have to get there early in the morning to avoid the meathead crowd. Then there's the risk of running into your students and making them feel bad for being such weaklings in comparison. Oh, I make myself laugh. Seriously though, I can bench 350 pounds. Just not all at once. ba-da-bum.