Small penis? Then the Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck might just be the truck for you.

ASPER, Texas - For some drivers, even a Hummer may not be enough. At a curb weight of more than 3.5 tons, the Humvee-inspired Hummer H1 is no skinny guy who gets sand kicked in his face. But the Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck, a dressed-up military vehicle more than twice as heavy, is being billed as bigger, badder and more bodacious.

Again, if you've got a hard-on to drive a "dressed-up military vehicle," then do us all a favor and join the Army and stay the fuck out of my rear view mirror.

For a base price of $225,000 — nearly twice the Hummer H1 wagon's base price of $117,508 — consumers can get a basic version of the 10-foot-tall Bad Boy that can drive through five feet of water, climb a 60-degree grade, tow six tons and keep rolling even with a quarter-sized hole in the tire's sidewall.

PLUS, for all you urban commandos, it'll haul back all your bags from the shopping mall. Hit a homeless person? Don't worry, you won't even notice.

Art Spinella, president of CNW Marketing Research and an auto industry expert, said there's definitely a market for Bad Boy Trucks.

"It's exactly what the Humvee was all about — an absolutely useless vehicle for consumers," Spinella said. "It's a statement vehicle. I know people who would buy this and that's the only reason they would do it — because it makes a statement."

That statement? "I'm an asshole." And don't forget to slap a "Support Our Troops" yellow ribbon on the back of your Bad Boy Truck so that you can proudly show your support for the troops who are dying so that you can act out your narcissistic fantasies at only $2 a gallon.