Remember when people actually bought sets of encyclopedias? Back in the stone age? Here is one of the worst commercials ever, the one for Encyclopedia Britannica with the annoying Flock of Seagulls kid. I remember how much I hated this ad, and after seeing it again, I can say that I was right to hate it.

Lots more old commercials where that one came from, including the Energizer commercial with Jacko ("OY!!!"), some toy commercials, a number of PSAs on crack/aids/drunk driving, a load of Nintendo commercials--including the original rapping commercial for "The Legend of Zelda" ('It's the Legend of Zelda and it's really rad, those creatures from Gannon are pretty bad.'), and a commercial for the McDLT (lettuce and tomato on one side, the burger on the other) starring Jason Alexander that makes you wonder if it really would have been a huge loss had their been nuclear war in the 80s.

But that's not all! There are also theme songs to a bunch of old tv shows like "Night Rider," "The A-Team," "Transformers," "The Smurfs," "Thundercats," and "Gummi Bears" ('Gummi Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere, high adventure that's beyond compare, they are the Gummi Bears!'). A great way to kill some time in the office.

Herbert Kornfeld has a new column in The Onion. Watch out for the letta opena of death.

Why does Bush hate veterans?:

The Bush administration has told officials who oversee federal education, domestic security, veterans and other programs to prepare preliminary 2006 budgets that would cut spending after the presidential election, according to White House documents.

The documents show spending for...the Veterans Affairs Department would fall 3.4 percent from $29.7 billion in 2005 to $28.7 billion.

We're in the middle of a goddamn war, and they're talking about proposals to cut spending for veterans? Especially appalling when you consider the types of injuries being suffered in Iraq:

While attention remains riveted on the rising count of Americans killed in action...doctors at the main combat support hospital in Iraq are reeling from a stream of young soldiers with wounds so devastating that they probably would have been fatal in any previous war.

More and more in Iraq, combat surgeons say, the wounds involve severe damage to the head and eyes — injuries that leave soldiers brain-damaged or blind, or both, and the doctors who see them first struggling against despair.

This stupid war has $119 billion, and the tax cuts for the wealthy have cost hundreds of billions more. But Bushco can't find $1 billion to maintain the line on spending for veterans. Criminals. All of them.

The Bogeyman.

Total and complete incompetence. So that terra alert non-alert issued by Crisco John yesterday? Well, it turns out that Asscrack was acting without coordinating with other government agencies. Said one administration official, "The whole warning process was usurped by the Attorney General." That's not a good thing, is it? From a CBS News report:

Beyond that, senior counterterrorism officials question the legitimacy of the bulletin, saying there is no new, specific, credible evidence pointing to an imminent attack in the U.S.

Homeland Secretary Tom Ridge, who did not appear with Ashcroft at Wednesday's press conference, seemed to downplay the warning in a series of interviews. "There's not a consensus within the administration that we need to raise the threat level," said Ridge.

This mixed message caused frustration in the heartland. "We cannot live in a 24-hour alert, 7 days a week," said Chicago Mayor Richard Daley.

It also prompted a question at the White House. An administration official told CBS News that at one point, President Bush asked Ashcroft and Ridge: "Are you guys synched on this plan?"

There is a suspicion inside some agencies, reports Orr that the Attorney General may be "hyping" the threat in a turf battle over controlling domestic security. At a minimum, sources say the administration infighting has done nothing to better inform or reassure the American public.

So let me make sure I understand this....these jackasses are hyping terror threats because of an inter-agency pissing match? So, so comforting to know we're in such capable hands. And what type of reprimand can we expect Asscroft to receive for this blunder? Why, nothing less than Shrub publicly expressing his support for Crisco John and his belief that "He's a good guy." And Oily Dick will assure us that Asscrack is the "best Attorney General ever."

Abu Gu-rab-idab. John Mccain explains to Conan O'Brien why he thinks Shrub had such a hard time pronouncing "Abu Ghraib" during this talk Monday night:

I think it’s a way of keeping the attention of the audience. How’s he going to pronounce it next time?

My Home Town. "Jury Convicts Man in Wedgie Murder." (via Nathalie)

I Hate My MTV. The corporate whores at MTV (or their parent company, Viacom) have decided that the documentary "Supersize Me" is "disparaging to fast food restaurants," and they are refusing to air ads for the movie. I don't get it though---Britney Spears' videos are disparaging to cheap ho's around the world, yet MTV has no problem airing those. And that includes Neil Bush's hookers. And MTV has no problem airing Creed videos, even though that is disparaging to every other band out there. Except for Train. Those guys are la-a-ame.

Speaking of band's, did you hear that Phish announced they will part ways at the end of their upcoming summer tour? Yeah, I don't really care either. Maybe I didn't smoke enough dope (or any, if you're reading this, Mom) or play enough hacky-sack, but I just never got what the big deal was. Now, that Phish Food by Ben and Jerry's---that's some damn good ice cream.

Oh, and according to Bushco, al-Qaida is supposedly ready to go bonkers inside the States. Asscroft says that there is "credible intelligence from multiple sources." Good thing that the Bushies have never been wrong when it comes to "credible intelligence," otherwise some might blow off this warning as just an attempt to change the subject from Shrub's inability to properly pronounce "Abu Ghraib." When asked for specifics about the threat, Crisco John sez, "We are not aware of details of a plan." Therefore, when an attack does occur, they can't be held accountable. Because as Shrub has demonstrated with 9/11, if they don't have a formal announcement from al Qaida regarding the attack including time/date/location, then they can't be expected to do anything to stop it. So as always, be afraid, be very afraid. But go about your daily lives. And if the shit hits the fan, well, you were warned.

Have you heard of Washingtonienne? No? Then read on, fool. Nothing like a good Washington sex scandal. Of course, if Bush hadn't gone and effed up everything, then you'd surely have heard about this. Long story short: A staff worker on the Hill had lots of sex with political appointees, got cash "gifts" from them, kept a blog detailing her extracurriculars, was found out and summarily fired from her job. Her blog has been resurrected here.

It must be Clenis's fault.

My New Favorite Show is The WB's "Superstar USA." They've taken the funniest part of "American Idol," the really, really bad singers, and devised a hoax to keep only the worst and freakiest in the competition. These people put William Hung to shame. From the show's description:

In an elaborate hoax, auditions for The WB's Superstar USA were held in Las Vegas, Minneapolis, Orlando, and Philadelphia. The best singers were sent home while a gang of hopefuls, with more guts than talent, were chosen by The WB's Superstar USA's expert panelists, Tone-Loc, Vitamin C and television producer Briggs to remain on the show.

The seven-episode series, hosted by MTV vee-jay Brian McFayden, follows 12 uniquely gifted, and totally unsuspecting, hopefuls as they're whisked away to Hollywood where they receive superstar treatment - complete with makeovers, dance sessions with a top choreographer, and singing lessons with a respected voice coach. The WB's Superstar USA's conclusion, in which the last singer standing, receives the title of "The WB's Superstar USA," $100,000 and a recording contract, is played out in front of a live audience.

They've got Tone-Loc, people! If you haven't seen the show, you really should watch the clips of some of the contestants. I've only seen one episode, but I'll be watching the rest. Should we feel sorry for these poor saps who are being fooled into thinking that they really have talent? No, of course not. If you constantly speak about yourself in the third-person and don't have the sense to realize that Tone-Loc probably isn't qualified to pick out the next big talent, then you deserve whatever humiliation comes your way. Anyway, the winner gets 100,000 and a contract.

By the way, if you're going to be in the Los Angeles area on June 4th, William Hung will be performing at the Six Flags Magic Mountain amusement park. Half-price tickets, too.

Divizzle Fo Shizzle. What is the world coming to when even Snoop Doggy Dogg can't keep his marriage together. Snoop filed for divorce from his wife whom he married in 1997. It is unclear who will maintain custody of the Dogg Pound.

How's that work? From remarks today made after meeting with Iraqis who recently received medical treatment in the U.S., Shrub sez:

I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein. I'm with six other Iraqi citizens, as well, who suffered the same fate. They are examples of the brutality of the tyrant.

Oh....Other hand. All part of the "Not as Bad as Saddam" campaign. I wonder if he'll meet with any of the Iraqis tortured at Abu Ghraib. Considering that Shrub can't even pronounce Abu Ghraib, I'd say probably not.

Spoilers aren't cool. We don't have cable, but my sister kindly tapes "The Sopranos" for us. So we're usually a few episodes behind, and I do my best to avoid any articles mentioning the storyline and any spoilers. But the bastards on the news websites today have posted headlines giving away a major plot twist. I won't say what it is because I have the sense not to do that. Bastards. Maybe somebody will get an advance copy of tomorrow's "24" finale and put up posts about how it ends. Because that would be the bastardly thing to do. Will Spawn of Kiefer finally be put out of our misery? Will Chloe be revealed as the supreme evil mastermind? Will Evil Turtleneck be yelled at some more by Kiefer? Who knows?

Have you heard the one about the convicted criminal whose group was used by a member of the "axis of evil" to pass along disinformation to our government? And then that disinformation was used to start a war against another member of the axis of evil? And that convicted criminal then passed along classified information to the member of the axis of evil that was supplying the disinformation? Hilarious, right?

Our man Ahmed Chalabi seems to have pulled off one of the greatest ruses since the Trojan Horse. For years, he has been getting information from Iran accusing Iraq of developing WMD. What's Iran's interest? Getting rid of Saddam. Chalabi's interest? Power in post-Saddam Iraq. Chalabi gave that disinfo to the neocons in the Bushco administration, and they used it to start the war in Iraq. All the while, we're paying Chalabi's group millions of dollars, and Chalabi is handing over secret classified info to Iran. So does this mean that by taking us into this boondoggle that Shrub was really doing the bidding of the Iranians? Hmmm....

Somebody isn't too happy about the leaks to Chalabi, and an investigation is under way to try and figure out who in the administration was playing loose and fast with sensitive info. My guess is that they'll probably find out who it was right about the same time they figure out who outed CIA operative Valerie Plame. Which is never.

In better news, I still get carded in bars. Went out with my younger brother and his chums in DC last night, and I was the only one asked for ID. Some might take offense at this, but frankly, I don't mind not looking my age. I'll mind when I stop being asked for ID. The funniest instance related to this was when I was visiting my brother at George Mason a couple of years ago, and one of his friends said to me, "So are you a freshman here?" And I said, "No, I actually teach freshmen." Hoo-ray.

Aaaah! Aaaah! Scary.

Did Georgie have another attack of the killer pretzels? No, he just fell off his bike. Those evildoers from al Qaida sure are crafty, they must be behind this assault on Shrub. Retribution will be sure and swift against all rogue bike trails everywhere. Bad timing for Shrub since he's going to be giving a primetime speech tonight from the Army War College in Carlisle, PA. Why couldn't Shrub have given a speech in Carlisle while I lived there so that I could shown up to demonstrate only to be placed in the "free speech zone"? All we got were car shows and an endless stream of parades.
But it appears that the major networks won't be carrying the speech, only the cable networks. Good for me, because now I won't feel compelled to watch as Shrub spins the disaster in Iraq. Just over five weeks until power is "handed over" in Iraq, but nobody seems to know who it's going to be handed over to.

That's okay though, because we're not as bad as Saddam was, and that makes everything a-okay.

Ready for another vacation. More is out today in the Post on the Iraqi prison abuse. Not exactly doing a great job of winning hearts or winning minds. I'm certainly a cynical person and well aware of our country's not-so-perfect record on human rights, and I'm not naive enough to think that bad things don't happen in war. Afterall, like Rummy sez "Free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things." But this Giant Mess-O-Potamia is almost beyond belief.

One of the many facts that I learned while in Alaska is that when the salmon journey to their birthplace, they begin to rot while swimming upstream. They don't just die once they reach their destination, they are dying throughout the entire process, gradually decomposing while still alive. And the foul stench of the rotting salmon permeates the air. This whole boondoggle in Iraq is rotting from the head.

At least Season 5 of The Amazing Race begins on July 6th at 9:30 p.m. EST.

Ready for another vacation. More is out today in the Post on the Iraqi prison abuse. Not exactly doing a great job of winning hearts or winning minds. I'm certainly a cynical person and well aware of our country's not-so-perfect record on human rights, and I'm not naive enough to think that bad things don't happen in war. Afterall, like Rummy sez "Free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things." But this Giant Mess-O-Potamia is almost beyond belief.

One of the many facts that I learned while in Alaska is that when the salmon journey to their birthplace, they begin to rot while swimming upstream. They don't just die once they reach their destination, they are dying throughout the entire process, gradually decomposing while still alive. And the foul stench of the rotting salmon permeates the air. This whole boondoggle in Iraq is rotting from the head.

At least Season 5 of The Amazing Race begins on July 6th at 9:30 p.m. EST.

What's new? Apparently, nothing really. Vacation was great, and anyone who ever has the chance should go to Alaska. Awesome place, and nobody cares if you happen to miss a shower. My kind of town. We saw glaciers, seals, whales, a bear, a mountain goat, bald eagles, and Richard Simmons. How can you top that? We're driving through downtown Juneau, and my sister-in-law says, "Hey, there's Richard Simmons!" So my older brother, starstruck, yells out the window, "Hey, Richard! Whoo!!!" Richard was looking very, very tan.

It was also great to be largely disconnected from the rest of the world if only for a short while. And, judging from the headlines, it doesn't look like much has changed. I'll try and link up to a couple of pictures of my brother and me tastefully posing Lyndie-England-style in the picturesque Alaskan outdoors.

Until then, Kristin has a touching story about the death of Bandit, the world's largest raccoon:

Klitsch said she believes Bandit thought he was a dog, but some of his eating habits were closer to human.
Tim Pitts, owner of Ice Cream World, recalls watching Bandit sit in Klitsch's sport utility vehicle, holding a cup of blue raspberry Slush with his paws and drinking it through a straw.
"He was a good customer,"said Pitts.

Out to lunch. Be back on Wednesday.

This Day In History. Other than my birth, here are some other things of note for May 12th:

919 - Duke Henry of Saxon became King Henry I of Eastern Europe.

1792 - A toilet that flushed itself at regular intervals was patented.

1831 - The first indicted bank robber in the U.S., Edward Smith, was sentenced to five years hard labor on the rock pile at Sing Sing Prison.

1932 - Ten weeks after his abduction, the infant son of Charles Lindbergh is found dead in Hopewell, New Jersey just a few miles from the Lindbergh's home.

1950 - The American Bowling Congress abolished its white males-only membership restriction after 34 years.

1967 - At Queen Elizabeth Hall in England, Pink Floyd performs the first ever quadraphonic rock concert. Quadraphonic sound uses four channels in which speakers are positioned at all four corners of the listening space, reproducing signals that are independent of each other.

1992 - Robert Reed, actor who played Mike Brady on "Brady Bunch," died.

2003 - Ari Fleischer said in a press briefing, "I think, slowly but surely, people are seeing telltale signs that back up the confidence that the administration has for why we maintained Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and that underscore our ultimate confidence that they're eventually being found."

Other Birthdays:
1768 - Dolly Madison, 4th U.S. First Lady
1907 - Katharine Hepburn, actress
1912 - Archibald Cox, U.S. Solicitor General and Watergate special prosecutor
1925 - Yogi Berra, Baseball Hall of Famer
1928 - Burt Bacharach, composer
1935 - Felipe Alou, Major League Baseball manager
1936 - Tom Snyder, journalist, TV personality
1937 - George Carlin, comedian
1948 - Steve Winwood, singer ("Blind Faith", "Traffic")
1962 - Emilio Estevez, actor
1968 - Tony Hawk, skateboarding legend
1971 - Sofia Coppola, director
1978 - Jason Biggs, actor

I'm 28 today. Yay for me. I outlived Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain (that's assuming that you believe Morrison is dead). I'm not too excited about the birthday, I've had 27 others (though I am excited about the "Freaks and Geeks" DVD set that Nathalie got me). But 28 does have a better feel to it than 27 ro 29. Firmly in the late 20s, but not quite yet on the cusp of turning 30. Though it means that I've lost one more year of being able to eat whatever I want without having to worry about any repercussions. And that high cholesterol level that my doctor told me about a few months ago is something that I might need to start taking seriously.
But not today. Today, I'm going to Fuddruckers for dinner where I'll have a big burger and a plate of onion rings. And for dessert, I'll eat a deepfried stick of butter wrapped in bacon. Happy Birthday to me.

"I've noticed ye ol blog has been a ghost town." Yes, it has been a bit of a ghost town lately. I was exhausted yesterday from a fun weekend visiting with family, and today I'm exhaustd from having been up much of last night with a fever. I got in bed with two comforters and the AC turned off, and I was shivering. So, I put on a turtleneck and some sweats and managed to fall asleep for a little bit. At 3:00, I woke up and was burning up. So I took my temperature, and it clocked in at 101. The rest of the night I was in a half-sleep/half-awake sort of confused daze made all the more fun by thoughts about the physical structure of the Abu Ghraib prison. This morning, I was sore and a little light-headed, but the fever had broken, and I got in to work.
All morning, I was in a training class, and it took every bit of effort to keep my eyes open and stay awake. Several extended blinks, and the only thing that made me alert was a paper cut. Now, I'm just struggling through the afternoon, waiting until I can go home and take a nap.

I'm going on vacation to Alaska from Thursday to next Wednesday morning, and I will not be doing any blogging during that time. In fact, I hope to shut myself off completely from the rest of the world for a few days. And I can feel comfortable in doing so, knowing that my safety is in the capable hands of the best Secretary of Defense ever.

Jesus Christ Superstar. Marilyn Manson is going to play a pot-smoking Jeebus in a movie about a rock band that makes a deal with the devil. Of course, there will be plenty of people having convulsions when this hits the theaters, but I think it's just grand. Manson has such range, going from playing Paul on the "Wonder Years," all the way to the big J.C.
Maybe the movie is about Creed. Those tools must have made a deal with the devil.

One last thing, and then I'm out for the weekend. Joe Lieberman is a dick.
Huzzah!

Slowest....Friday....Ever. One more hour to go, but good lord it's taking forever.

I had a dream last night where I was chewing out Paul Wolfowitz at a public hearing, yelling about how he didn't know how many soldiers have died in the war. He had really bad teeth.
I think that's the first time that a deputy secretary in the Buschco administration has shown up in a dream, generally it's just people at the cabinet level who make appearances.
Just another sign that it's a good thing that the week is about over, and it's time to take a break from it all for a couple of days.

Rummy is testifying right now. You can watch here. Word on the street is that he can't be the least bit arrogant (difficult for him), and he may very well be asked if he is planning on resigning.

Krispy Kreme had to cut its profit forecasts for the first time ever, pointing to low-carb diets as causing a drop in the demand. I don't get the implication there. Donuts are a healthy part of any balanced diet, and they go perfectly with any meal at any time of the day. They're low in fat, and low in carbs, plus chockfull of vitamins and nutrients. Probably about the healthiest thing you could put in your belly.

I loves me some donuts. When I was in National Honor Society in high school, one of our fundraisers was to sell boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts. We paid for the boxes up front, and then had to sell them to get back the out-of-pocket money. I picked up my five boxes of donuts on a Saturday afternoon, sold two boxes to neighbors of ours, and I ended up keeping the other three for myself. They were all gone by the end of Monday two days later. It's like eating cotton candy. And those glazed ones just melt in your mouth, especially if you pop one in the microwave for fifteen seconds. Mmm.

When it comes to choosing a donut to eat, the Krispy Kreme original glazed are always a reliable choice, it's hard to go wrong there. Creme-filled donuts, whether glazed or iced or powdered, are a good second-round choice. First you eat the original, and then you go for the creme-filled. Two for a dollar, you really can't just buy one. I'm more fond of the vanilla or boston creme variety, and not as crazy about the chocolate creme. Most people tend to look over the blueberry cake donuts, which I can understand if they aren't glazed. But add the glaze, and you've got yourself a tasty donut. I generally pass over the jelly-filled donuts because too often they are powdered, and the powder just makes a mess, especially if you're sitting in the car by yourself eating several donuts. The powder just gets all over your pants, and when you try and wipe it away, it gets down in the fabric. So if I'm going to eat a jelly donut, it's probably going to be the cinnamon-apple variety. Maybe red jelly, whatever the flavor, but probably not the lemon.

I have no use for plain cake donuts. And I have no use for sprinkles.

One of the most under-rated donuts has to be the sour-cream cake donut. Sounds a little odd, but the flavor is just to die for, but they can sometimes be difficult to find. The perfect combo, in my opinion, would be one original glazed followed by the sour cream cake donut. Can't go wrong there.
Krispy Kreme also does a "donut of the month." This month it is a strawberry shortcake donut. Nothing more than a strawberry jelly-filled donut with some crumbled cake on top of the icing. It's okay, but I wouldn't go out of my way to get one. The cookies-and-creme and coffee-flavored donuts are also good enough, but not so tasty to be eaten on a regular basis.
I used to be able to say that I'd never met a donut I didn't like. But then i had a key-lime donut. Nasty, nasty donut. It is definitely the Keystone Lite of the donut world. If that were the only donut in the store, I wouldn't buy one. I don't even think I'd take one if they were being handed out for free. They are that bad. I like key-lime pie, and I like donuts. But the two should not be mixed.

He said WHAT??? Shrub today said that he was sorry for the abuse of the Iraqi prisoners. Well, how good of little George to finally say those two little words, "I'm sorry."

And with that, it looks like he might finally be moving out of the pre-operational stage (2-7 yrs old) and into Piaget's next stage of development, the concrete operational stage (7-11 yrs old). The preoperational period is characterized as:

Speech becomes more social, less egocentric. The child has an intuitive grasp of logical concepts in some areas. However, there is still a tendency to focus attention on one aspect of an object while ignoring others. Concepts formed are crude and irreversible. Easy to believe in magical increase, decrease, disappearance. Reality not firm. Perceptions dominate judgment.
In moral-ethical realm, the child is not able to show principles underlying best behavior. Rules of a game not develop, only uses simple do's and don'ts imposed by authority.

Of course, Shrub still exhibits signs of being stuck in the preoperational period:
Intuitive grasp of concepts in some areas? (actual policy) Check.
Tendency to focus on one aspect while ignoring others? (obsessed with Saddam, ignore Osama) Check.
Concepts formed crude and irreversible? (war in Iraq; tax cuts for wealthy; environmental rollback) Check.
Belief in magical increase, decrease, disappearance? (WMD, joblessness, deficit) Check.
Not able to show principles underlying best behavior in moral realm? (lies, lies, more damned lies) Check, check, and check.
Simple do's and don'ts imposed by authority? (with us or against us) Check.

I'd say that Shrub still has some growing to do before he's fully in the next stage. But he is making progress. And in the interest of being objective, I try to recognize that growth and give credit where credit is due. Kudos to you, George, for apologizing. Here's a star for you. Unfortunately, most in the Middle East think it's too little, too late.

Skeletor is in trouble. The calls for Rumsfeld's head are growing louder. Sen. Tom Harkin said today, "For the good of our country, the safety of our troops, and our image around the globe, Secretary Rumsfeld should resign. If he does not resign forthwith, the president should fire him." And Nancy Pelosi says, "Mr. Rumsfeld has been engaged in a coverup from the start on this issue and continues to be so." Not exactly words of support.
Of course, Shrub professes to have full confidence in Rummy. And I doubt that Rummy will either resign or that he will be fired. That would suggest some level of accountability, and we certainly can't have that in this administration. Plus, if we get rid of Rumseld, the Bushco logic says that will just be giving aid and comfort to the terrorists and showing weakness. Stay the course.
Honestly, what do you have to do to be fired from this administration?

And Limbaugh really shouldn't be commenting on the ways in which people are "having a good time" or how people decide to "blow off some steam." Rush sez:

This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation and we're going to ruin people's lives over it and we're going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really hammer them because they had a good time. You know, these people are being fired at every day. I'm talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard of emotional release? You of heard of need to blow some steam off?

Al Franken said on "The O'Franken Factor" today that his wife suggested that if Rush wants the M.P.s in that prison to have a good time, then Rush should go over there and let them sodomize him with a broomstick and ride him around like an animal. Har har.

Which one of these things is not like the other? Which one of these things does not belong?

A. Magic Johnson
B. Pele
C. Gail Devers
D. Jennifer Aniston

If you guessed "D," give yourself two points. Three are among the best ever in their sport. The other has influenced hair styles. So why is Jennifer Aniston going to be an Olympic torch bearer? Because she is of Greek descent, you silly fool. So it only makes perfect sense. Plus, hubby Brad Pitt is starring in "Troy," the tale of the Trojan War which was told in a Greek poem. See now?
Angelina Jolie will also carry the torch for reasons yet to be determined. Me thinks it is because someone just wanted to make up a reason to have her run.
I also heard that "Friends" is ending tonight? Did you know that? They really should have done a little more publicity to make that known. It is, afterall, the most important television show...EVER.

Messing around with the template again. I've been having problems where the right side of the blog hasn't been loading up with the rest of the page. Hopefully that problem is solved now. Exciting, no?
I'll try and bring the goods for the rest of Thursday's posts.

Two more things:
1. Walt Disney Company loves censorship, is attempting to block Miramax from distributing new Michael Moore film "Fahrenheit 9/11" because Disney is afraid of Jebby Bush taking away tax cuts. Disney = Evil. Mickey Mouse is the devil.

2. Bushco tour bus made in Canada. People in Michigan can be a little touchy about foreign-made vehicles. Hope they didn't forget to bring their sweatshop made campaign gear.

What's another $25 billion? Bushco is going to ask for another $25 billion for operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why are they asking for more money? For starters, because they didn't include a dime in the Defense budget to pay for military operations in either place. Very responsible. And secondly, because Iraq is one huge clusterfuck, and the a-holes who got us into this mess have no idea how to get us out of it, and so let's just keep dumping money into it and give Halliburton some more contracts while we're at it. It's not like we have a record deficit or anything like that.
Here's how I like to try and grasp the mega-huge-largeness of that figure. I imagine a stack of one million dollar bills. I then imagine 25,000 similar stacks. And then I imagine swimming through all that money, just like Scrooge McDuck.
And can someone please explain to me why Paul Wolfowitz still has a job? Afterall, this war is his baby. And he's the huckster who has given us such quotes as these:

"There's a lot of money to pay for this. It doesn't have to be U.S. taxpayer money. We're dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon."
"It is entirely possible that in Iraq, you have the most pro-American population that can be found anywhere in the Arab world."
"If you're looking for a historical analogy, it's probably closer to post-liberation France [after World War II]."
"The notion that it would take several hundred thousand American troops just seems outlandish."
"I am a delusional little man hellbent on destroying the world."

Okay, so maybe Wolfowitz didn't say the last thing there, but I think it fits.

Rush Limbaugh, sensitive male. Media Matters, the new watchdog on the block looking out for conservative media shenanigans, has a good column on Rush Limbaugh, sexist/homophobe/xenophobe/all-around-worthless-piece-of-shit. They monitored his show from March 15 to April 29 and list comments that suggest Rush isn't quite "mainstream." Such as, "Some of these babes, I'm telling you, like the sexual harassment crowd. They're out there protesting what they actually wish would happen to them sometimes." [4/26/04] Isn't that just adorable? And remember when conservatives freaked out over a couple of ads in the MoveOn contest compared Bush to Hitler? Well, it's still okay for conservatives to compare an entire group of people to Nazis, "[W]e got the femi-Nazi uprising over comments made by Karen Hughes." [4/29/04]
And much, much more.

Time for a new poll. Rather than fess-up and admit that you watch "American Idol" religiously, you've decided to be coy and pretend that you'd never stoop that low. Or, more likely, you just have higher TV-watching standards than I do. So here are the results:

"Who should be the next eliminated from "American Idol"?
George Huff: 13%
Latoya London: 0%
Fantasia Barrino: 0%
Jasmine Trias: 19%
Diane Degarmo: 0%
Don't know/Don't care, you should be embarassed for knowing who they are: 68%

Next thing, you'll try and tell me that you haven't watched a single minute of "The Swan."
New Poll!

Where to start? Let's start with the prison abuse at Abu Ghraib. Just so that it's clear that this isn't just some "frat hazing," here are some of the alleged abuses detailed in the Taguba report:

Breaking chemical lights and pouring the phosphoric liquid on detainees; pouring cold water on naked detainees; beating detainees with a broom handle and a chair; threatening male detainees with rape; allowing a military police guard to stitch the wound of a detainee who was injured after being slammed against the wall in his cell; sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broom stick, and using military working dogs to frighten and intimidate detainees with threats of attack, and in one instance actually biting a detainee.

Speaking on a US-funded Arab television station, Shrub sez that the abuse is "abhorrent" and insists that the Iraqis "must understand that what took place in that prison does not represent the America that I know."
He's exactly right. The America that Bush knows is an America where we kill retards dead:

As governor of Texas, Bush himself presided over several executions of mentally retarded inmates. Indeed, his governorship was literally ushered in with one such killing: the execution of inmate Mario Marquez on the day of Bush's 1995 inauguration. Bush did not, strictly speaking, sign off on Marquez's execution. But he did approve two other executions that drew worldwide condemnation: Terry Washington in 1997 and Oliver Cruz in 2000. Marquez, Washington and Cruz each "definitely had an I.Q. below 70," says Richard Dieter, executive director of the Death Penalty Information Center in Washington. An I.Q. of 70 is the universally recognized minimum for normal mental development.
As governor, Bush also authorized the execution of Johnny Paul Penry, who had an I.Q. in the 50s and a mental age of 6. Penry came within four hours of execution in 2000 when the U.S. Supreme Court stayed his execution; and last week, the court overturned his death sentence, saying the Texas legal system did not give jurors the proper opportunity for "morally reasoned" consideration of his retardation.
....
Johnny Paul Penry...still believes in Santa Claus.

It's just a good thing that people in the Middle East generally aren't the type to hold a grudge. Otherwise, we'd be screwww-ewww-ewwwed.

Every now and then a day comes along where I'm actually busy all day long at work, leaving no time for my real job--maintaining this blog. Today just so happens to be one of those days. I apologize, and I'll try not to let it happen again.

Bush sez: "Peace and freedom depend upon this election. Prosperity for the people depend upon this election." For once, I have to say that I agree with the village idiot. Peace, freedom, and prosperity do depend on this election. So vote for Kerry.

Free press my ass. CBS News has admitted to holding back the Iraqi prison abuse story for two weeks at the military's request. That's right, CBS, the network that bowed down to pressure from conservatives and canceled the airing of "The Reagans"; the network that refused to air a MoveOn commercial during the Super Bowl; the network that still sees it fit to broadcast "Becker" even though I've never once met anyone who could say that they've ever watched that show. It's that dastardly librul media at it again!

New rightwing talking point: The abuse of Iraqi POWs isn't all that serious, it's no worse than some innocent fraternity hazing. That reasoning popped up on "Hannity & Colmes", and Rush "Baby Blue" Limbaugh said something similar today. That is just so, so stoopid on so many different levels. Innocent is tossing water balloons. And what was done to those prisoners was not innocent. The jackasses involved in the abuse have put every soldier over there at greater risk, and should any U.S. troops be taken hostage, well, we've lost the moral highground when it comes to demanding humane treatment. And you can just imagine how Rush and the other RW pundits would slather all over themselves if American troops were abused and it was dismissed as "fraternity hazing." This isn't friggin rocket science here. It's pretty easy to understand how those photos will just further enrage many in the Middle East and further erode the trust of an already uneasy Iraqi population.
Only 58 days until "power" is handed over in Iraq. And then all these problems will just go away (or, more likely, the media will be too distracted by shark attacks and the Jacko trial to report on the mess over there).

"Aluminum!!!" Here's how the run-up to the war in Iraq would have looked with President Black Bush. (thanks to Mikey P for the link)

Blah. I'm back at work today after a four-day weekend made possible by a bad cold. Being sick in the spring is no fun, but I sure enjoyed staying at home with the cats for a couple of days. And really, I don't feel that I have much to blog about right now. There's a used condom in the parking garage at our apartment building. And it has been there for well over a week. That's interesting, right? And it looks like all the water coolers have been removed from the office here. Not cool at all because I'm used to making a big mug of iced tea at lunchtime. Not so interesting. And I'm just going to stop right there and eat my lunch.