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Thursday, July 28, 2005

Next blog. In the upper right hand corner, there's a button you can click that will take you to a random blog. Click through to several random blogs, and I think you'll agree that we've got a quality production here.

You never know what you'll find. Usually, it's just crap. Every now and then, you'll come across cool photos. And if you're lucky, you might even find Tom Cruise's (parody) blog.

More mail. I'm beginning to wonder about my adoptive prayer group. This came in the other day (name are changed just for kicks):
Most of you have been aware of the rocky road Barb and I have been walking down for the last two years. God has blessed us so much and so many miracles, both large and small have happened making the road sunny.

A settlement has been agreed upon which doesn’t bankrupt us – in fact, the final penny does not have to be paid until Barb and I have both safely been greeted by Our Lord! We prayed for months and months that hearts would be softened and true to His promise, they were!

I am asking today that if you would so desire, please write a note/letter or anything at all to her attorney attesting to Barb's character. Dan is going to meet with the DA next Wednesday, the 3rd to discuss the next step. Dan has been a practicing for many years and has never asked for a meeting such as this.

He received a call from the District Attorney last Friday who told him that he would be handling the case. The DA has been friends with Dan for many years. He told Dan that this is the most bizarre case he has ever seen and of course, he deals in everything imaginable.

Dan is requesting as many “character” letters as possible so that he can demonstrate this was not intentional and reinforcing the diagnosis of dissociative amnesia per the letter written by the expert psychiatrist of the Superior Court.
And then today, I got another message regarding Barb's apparent legal problems with another request for character reference letters:
The time has come that Barb needs as much help as possible. Her attorney would like as many character letters as possible referencing her character and integrity. Nothing should be said regarding any accusations or feelings. Dan, her attorney, needs these character letters to take to the DA to help dissuade him from any further legal action. He doesn’t want them mailed, just sent via fax or email.

Barb's husband would appreciate everyone’s help! Here is the Attorney's info. e-mail address is listed below, please allow God to move your heart, and speak up for Barb, our sister in Christ.

Thanks to Our Lord and Saviour.
I wonder if this is in any way related to the handicapped son with the porn addiction.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Superchunk. To quote my friend Mike who passed this one along, "Say, that's odd.
OLATHE, Kansas (AP) -- A high school student convicted of battery for vomiting on his Spanish teacher has been ordered to spend the next four months cleaning up after people who throw up in police cars.

Johnson County Magistrate Judge Michael Farley said during the sentencing Tuesday that he considered the boy's actions "an assault upon the dignity of all teachers."

The teen, now 17, vomited on teacher David Young as he turned in his textbook on the last day of classes at Olathe Northwest High School. His attorney, Brian Costello, said the student vomited because he was nervous about his final exams.

But two other students testified that the teen said he threw up intentionally. One girl said he told her in advance that he planned to throw up on Young on the last day of school. The girl wasn't in class when the teen threw up, but she testified that the boy later told her, "You missed it. I did it."

Young said the student, who was failing his class, made no effort to avoid throwing up on him. "I was just sort of stunned," he said.
Whatever happened to stealing the hall pass?

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Numbers. Some polling on Rove in USA Today:
by 34% to 25%, Americans have an unfavorable view of Rove; 25% have never heard of him.
1 out of 4 have never heard of Rove. Must be nice. I, too, would like to have never heard of Karl Rove. But let's continue:
The controversy hasn't gripped the public's attention. Just half of those surveyed say they are following the story closely; one in five aren't following it at all.
I'd venture to say that any time you can get half of the people following anything closely, that would amount to "gripping the public's attention."

So half of the people polled are following closely. Let's take the next step and assume (bad, bad, very bad assumption) that the poll is representative of the population. Which it isn't. But let's keep going anyway. The U.S. adult population is 218 million. Half of that is 109 million people. Extrapolating from the poll, that would mean 109 adults are following Leakgate.

By comparison, 90 million people watched the Super Bowl this year. 50 million people watched the "Friends" finale last year. Bill O'Lielly's television show averages 2 million viewers. And those figures include the under 18 population as well.

Monday, July 25, 2005

From the mailbag. Got another email today from my adoptive prayer group. Several prayer requests. Among them:
Please keep Sue in your prayers as she is still fighting the Hives and has no answer to the cause. She is under a doctors care.
So pray for Sue as she engages in an epic battle with The Hives. The Swedes are a tricksy lot.

Bushco jokes. At McSweeney's. Via Dan Froomkin's White House Briefing (the best thing the Post has going for it).

My favorite: A doctor, a lawyer, and an accountant all die and go to heaven on the same day. When they get to the Pearly Gates, they are greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Scott McClellan is a lying sack of shit and I'd tell him so myself if he weren't going straight to hell when he dies."

Comedy gold.

Spare parts. Just saw a commercial for Burger King's "BK Chicken Fries." Chicken. Fries. Is that what it's come to? Eating chicken in fry form? Well hell, why not just put every food into fry form then?

But I'll be they're tasty with some honey mustard sauce. Then again, just about anything that is breaded and deep fried tastes good with some honey mustard sauce.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is horrible. (via BGW):
Corporate officials in Wal-Mart's Bentonville, Ark., headquarters abruptly ordered the Roanoke store yesterday to cancel its month-old Singles Shopping program, the only one of its kind in the nation.
Disheartened single Dale Firebaugh, 63, of Roanoke said he showed up last night hoping to meet an attractive woman only to be told by store employees that corporate higher-ups buckled after several people complained about the program.

"I'm disappointed," Firebaugh said. "Where can someone over 40 who doesn't smoke or drink or go to bars meet someone? I'm really disappointed that they would let a couple of little complaints stop Singles Shopping."
Firebaugh said he went to the Wal-Mart the previous Friday during Singles Shopping hours and met a beautiful 45-year-old woman with whom he later had a dinner date.

Last night, after learning of the program's demise, he bought a red ribbon in the store's fabrics section for 26 cents and stood by the front doors, partly in protest and partly in hopes that single women would recognize the ribbon as an invitation to get nekkid in the changing room chat.
Dale Firebaugh: ladies man, freedom-fighter. Fight the power, Dale.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Saturday Lemur Blogging

Black Lemur (male)

Friday, July 22, 2005

Family values. The GOP really is setting new standards for accountability. Bush won't let convicted criminals work in the White House (unless they were pardoned by Poppy). And now we have a new line of defense from Rep.Don Sherwood (R-PA), which is essentially, "Okay, I lied when I said I didn't have a five-year affair, but I swear I didn't choke anyone!"

From the mailbag. Some time last year, I started receiving emails from a San Diego-based prayer group. My email address was mistakenly added for someone with the same last name as me. That person must be wondering why they were shut out from the group. I kindly asked the ringleader to remove my email from the list, and he obliged. A few months went by, and someone must have used an old email list because I started getting the messages again. Rather than sending another email asking that I be removed, I decided to just let them keep on rolling in. So I hear about their prayer group meetings, potlucks, and birthdays. The most frequent email item is prayer requests.

This one that I received the other day was particularly good. I've changed the names for whatever reason.
Prayer Needed
Please pray for Andrea's son Stephen. He is handicapped and is making some tough decisions for:

Where and who to live with
His health issues
His deliverance from a pornography addiction
His dedication to the Lord- he had an episode where he felt the Lord delivered him and has dedicated his life!

Andrea has requested we keep him in our prayers...Please do.
To quote a friend, "I think if you're handicapped, God allows you to have a pornography addiction. I'm pretty sure that's in Corinthians."

Animal Cops. For my money, there is no better show on Animal Planet. Maybe on all of television. Mr.Tibbs agrees. The animal cops just seized a house holding 100 dogs and two pigs so fat that they couldn't walk. The pigs were feasting on cinnamon buns and other pastries. Mmm...pastry-raised pork products.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

When cupcakes won't do. I remember in elementary school having elections for Student Council. Kids would make posters to hang up in the halls with carefully crafted, focus-group informed slogans like "Vote For Me." Nobody ever had a platform, like, "Working to stop the bullies" or "More ice cream, more naps, less homework." Not even any good push-polling, such as, "How would it affect your vote if you knew that Brian Madsen had the cooties?" I think the idea was simply to teach kids about the concepts of democracy and civic responsibility. Or something equally foolish.

On election day, kids would go around and hand out the construction paper equivalent of campaign buttons. But there always seemed to be at least one person to come around with cupcakes, and the possibility of more cupcakes. Because whether it's a cupcake or a $300 tax rebate, the masses love that shit.

But what do you do when you have an election in a country that you just bombed the hell out of, have pushed to the brink of civil war, and are facing the possibility of having a new, unfriendly, non-secular government voted into power? Cupcakes simply won't do.

Seymour Hersh reported this week that the U.S. approved and went ahead with plans to covertly influence the Iraqi elections despite objections from Congress. So what does National Security Council spokesman Frederick Jones have to say about this?
In the final analysis, the president determined and the United States government adopted a policy that we would not try to influence the outcome of the Iraqi election by covertly helping individual candidates for office.
Very well. Interesting choice of words. But let's further investigate. What does Scotty McMuffin have to say?
And in the final analysis, the president made the decision that our policy would be not to try to influence the outcome of the election by covertly helping individual candidates for office.
Note what each of them says about providing covert aid. They decided against helping "individuals." So the obvious follow-up would be, what about covert aid for parties?

Given Scotty's history of, how do you say, LYING, and the White House's careful parsing of words regarding L'affaire Plame, I would not trust Scotty further than I could throw him. And he looks to have put on a few pounds lately.

(End Note: I was elected Treasurer for the grade K-3 branch of the student council in 2nd grade. In 5th grade, I ran for Chaplain (wtf?) and lost. And I was a room representative in 6th grade until I was forced to resign after allegations of influence peddling involving the selection of kickball teams.)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Rubbing the tummy. Despite pushing up the SCOTUS nomination in an attempt to change the story, the heat is still on Karl and pals. Seems like all the rightwing bloviating about how Plame was just a desk jockey and not really covert is just that, rightwing bloviating.

Patting the head. Alternative heading: All Your Uterus Are Belong to Us.

What a shocking move by Bush last night, going with the white, male, conservative, wealthy, christian.

If you think you're going to get some sort of thoughtful observation here on John Roberts and what his nomination means for abortion, environmental protection, corporate law, and arresting 12 year olds for eating freedom fries on the DC metro, well, then you obviously aren't a regular reader.

My Legal Counsel tells me that Roberts' former law firm, Hogan & Hartson, represented Faux News' lawsuit (pushed by Bill "Falafel" O'Reilly) against Al Franken back in 2003. The lawsuit that a judge literally laughed at. Ah, those frivolous lawsuits.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Rub your tummy and pat your head. Something we can't count on the mainstream media being able to do. So it will be no surprise if the press dutifully forgets about Karl's problems.

Bouncing Bear. How did this one slip by me? (quicktime video) [the video is from 2003, that's what i meant by 'how did this slip by']

Monday, July 18, 2005

War on Workers. Bushco fires its latest salvo in its continuing campaign against workers:
The administration wants to abolish the General Schedule pay system by 2010 and require that at least part of every pay raise for the government's 1.8 million civilian employees hinge on an annual performance evaluation, President Bush's top management guru said yesterday.

Clay Johnson III, a deputy director of the Office of Management and Budget, laid out a proposal to expand government-wide the kind of pay-for-performance systems being implemented at the departments of Defense and Homeland Security as part of the recent overhaul of civil service rules at those agencies.
Yes, because DOD is such an efficient place:
At the end of the Iraq war, vast sums of money were made available to the US-led provisional authorities, headed by Paul Bremer, to spend on rebuilding the country. By the time Bremer left the post eight months later, $8.8bn of that money had disappeared.
Bremer maintained one slush fund of nearly $600m in cash for which there is no paperwork: $200m of it was kept in a room in one of Saddam's former palaces.
So that's why Viceroy Jerry got the Medal of Freedom!

Sure, the federal pay and raise system isn't perfect. Not everyone who gets a raise deserves one. And surely, some people work harder than others but don't get the rewards. But that's the case just about anywhere. So this is like cutting off your hand to treat a hangnail. But these are the same people who think that Social Security needs to be saved, and doing so means getting rid of it.

Of course, Congress will just keep on giving itself a raise whenever it feels the need. But as for those people working for minimum wage and still living below the poverty level...well, they don't really vote anyway, so fuck 'em.

But what the hell do I know, right?

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Love: Roanoke Wal-Mart Style. Good lord. I can only imagine what sort of knuckledraggers would show up for singles night at the Wal-Mart in Roanoke:
You're single. It's Friday night and you're wondering where to meet other unattached individuals. You don't want to go to a bar.

You've heard of people finding love in the produce aisle of the grocery store, but does that really happen?

It could - at Wal-Mart.

The Wal-Mart on U.S. 220 in Roanoke has introduced Singles Shopping, an opportunity for singles to meet while stocking up on milk, underwear, snacks and small appliances. The concept started at Wal-Marts in Germany.
From 6 to 9 p.m. every Friday, singles can cruise Wal-Mart in search of a soul mate. To ease the tension, red bows are attached to singles' shopping carts to denote their availability.

Another way to break the ice is with "flirt points" set up in various sections of the store. The points highlight items singles might buy - from CDs and DVDs to chocolate and candles.
Cory Hoyt, a Boones Mill resident who was shopping at the 220 Wal-Mart on Thursday, said his mother told him about the attraction for singles.

"Something like this might be interesting," he said.

Hoyt, 27, said he doesn't have much of a social life because of a hectic work schedule.

"I am not a big party guy," Hoyt said. "I used to do karaoke, but I don't go to bars much now."
My sister said it's too bad that they don't have pictures to accompany the article. I agree.

Back in April when a Wal-Mart in Germany announced plans to start the singles nights, I said this:
Once it hits in the states, I think a good assignment would be to go to Wal-Mart and add extra items to the flirting points--Magnum brand condoms, KY jelly, rubber gloves, dog collars, and adult diapers to name a few.
An alternative operation would be to get a red ribbon, load a shopping cart full with these items, all the while videotaping the experience.

At first, I thought that if I were to do this that I would need to switch my wedding ring to my other hand. But why do that? Why not just say that I'm a swinger? All the more fun.

Unfortunately, I don't have any trips to Roanoke planned for the near future.

(thanks to the YLH Legal Counsel for alerting me to this story)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Saturday Lemur Blogging

Ring-tailed Lemur

Friday, July 15, 2005

My head. It hurts. John Gibson, he of the "Karl Rove deserves a medal" camp, was again tonight attacking Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame, two citizens who have done far more for this country than any Faux News contributor. He actually said that Valerie Plame was "hiding behind her covert status."

Before I say anything snarky or derogatory about Gibson, are we sure that this man is not legally retarded?

CNN hurts America. Further evidence here of hackery from Rush Limbaugh's girlfriend, Daryn Kagan. That and another intrepid newsreader, Kyra Phillps, saying the other day that Rove is the real victim reminded me of this other episode where the two were carrying water for Bushco:
A comedy skit making fun of President George W. Bush on CBS' "The Late Show with David Letterman" turned into a public relations blunder for CNN this week when they decided to play an early April Fools joke on its viewers by alleging the White House decried the video as fake.

On Monday night, Letterman conducted a comedy video segment on his show called "George W. Bush Invigorates America's Youth."

In one of the videos used, Bush was shown at a recent campaign stop in Orlando, Florida making a speech. In the background was a teenaged boy who was yawning and fidgeting while Bush was speaking.

CNN decided to run the Letterman bit on Tuesday morning's "CNN Live Today" program as a light-hearted break from the news.

But the controversy began when CNN host Daryn Kagan attempted to continue with the theme of the Letterman video by alleging the Bush administration denied it was genuine.

"We're being told by the White House that the kid, as funny as he was, was edited into that video, which would explain why the people around him weren't really reacting," Kagan ad-libbed to viewers.

This led to another CNN anchor, Kyra Phillips, showing the video later in the day reporting the footage of the boy was simply a joke.

"We're told that the kid was there at that event, but not necessarily standing behind the president," Phillips explained, repeating the report by Kagan earlier on CNN.
This led Letterman to say on his show that it was "An out-and-out, 100 percent absolute lie. The kid absolutely was there and he absolutely was doing everything we pictured via the videotape." CNN ended up apologizing, saying that their anchorperson "misspoke" and that nobody from the White House ever actually called. Riiiight.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Spacing Out
Bob Slydell: You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Bob Slydell: Great.

Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.

Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?

Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.

Bob Porter: Eight?

Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
It would seem that Americans agree with Peter Gibbons.
U.S. Workers Waste Two Hours Every Day

Boston - American workers say they squander over two hours a day at the workplace, with surfing the Web, socialising with co-workers and simply "spacing out" among the top time-wasting activities, according to a survey released on Monday.

Most United States companies assume about an hour of wasted time, but workers admit to actually frittering away more than twice as much time at a cost of $759-billion in annual paid salary that results in no apparent productivity, an online survey conducted by America Online showed.

Wasted time did not include the standard lunch hour.

Of the 10 044 employee respondents, 33 percent said they engaged in time-wasting activities because they didn't have enough work to do. Nearly a quarter of those surveyed said they squandered their work hours because they were underpaid.

Men and women wasted an equal amount of time at work, but older workers were significantly more attentive than younger workers, the survey showed. Workers over 55 years old wasted an average of just 30 minutes a day, according to the survey.
How many hours a day/week would you say you waste? Take the new poll to the right. Don't worry---if your boss was paying attention, you'd be fired by now.

Oops. More incompetence in the war on terra. If you have a few minutes (and I know you do), give this a read.

More importantly though, the Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston reality show is on the telly. I take back what I said about John Gibson being insane. Those two are insane.

And you know you want it. It's a monkey washing a cat.

Prag. Bernie Ebbers, former CEO of WorldCom, received 25 years today for his role in the $11 billion fraud. Bernie is 63, so that's essentially a life sentence. Plus, he has to fork over all his assets except for $50K and a home in Mississippi. Considering how white collar crime has been treated in the past, it's nice to see a bit more substantial sentence handed down.

But the part of the story that I don't get is this passage:
(U.S. District Court Judge) Jones ordered Ebbers to report to prison Oct. 12, and said she would recommend that federal prisons officials assign him to Yazoo City, Miss., so his family could see him easily.
Let's say that instead of corporate fraud, Ebbers had been convicted of robbing homes and banks. Any chance that he'd be allowed to "report to prison" three months later? Of course not. Reminds me of a Chappelle's Show sketch parodying "Law and Order" in which white collar criminals get the street criminal treatment and vice-versa. "I plead the fif! I plead the fif! Five! One, two, three, four, fif!"

A Few Bad Apples. Bad apple Number 1: Rummy.
Abu Ghraib Tactics Were First Used at Guantanamo
Interrogators at the U.S. detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, forced a stubborn detainee to wear women's underwear on his head, confronted him with snarling military working dogs and attached a leash to his chains, according to a newly released military investigation that shows the tactics were employed there months before military police used them on detainees at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.

The techniques, approved by Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld for use in interrogating Mohamed Qahtani -- the alleged "20th hijacker" in the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks -- were used at Guantanamo Bay in late 2002 as part of a special interrogation plan aimed at breaking down the silent detainee.

Military investigators who briefed the Senate Armed Services Committee yesterday on the three-month probe, called the tactics "creative" and "aggressive" but said they did not cross the line into torture.

The report's findings are the strongest indication yet that the abusive practices seen in photographs at Abu Ghraib were not the invention of a small group of thrill-seeking military police officers. The report shows that they were used on Qahtani several months before the United States invaded Iraq.
"Creative"? Creative is the artwork you did when you were six that your mom still has hanging on the wall. Oh well, nothing to see here. Just harmless fraternity pranks.

George Bush's America. Only in George Bush's America is a $333 billion deficit good news. The deficit would actually be $506 billion were it not for the fact that they are borrowing from the Social Security surplus funds. And then if you add in all the costs of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, well, you get the idea.

But that $300 check I got back in 2001 makes it all worthwhile.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Nothing. I have nothing. Just enjoying watching the GOP squirm over their main man Rove.

Wednesday Washington Post article on Rove:
GOP on Offense in Defense of Rove

Republicans mounted an aggressive and coordinated defense of Karl Rove yesterday, contending that the White House's top political adviser did nothing improper or illegal when he discussed a covert CIA official with a reporter.

With a growing number of Democrats calling for Rove's resignation, the Republican National Committee and congressional Republicans sought to discredit Democratic critics and knock down allegations of possible criminal activity.

"The angry left is trying to smear" Rove, RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman, a Rove protege, said in an interview.

Funny. Mehlman uses the word "smear," and so does intrepid CNN reporter Kyra Phillips. Funny coincidence there. Who knew that poor little Karl Rove was the victim in all this?

"The Daily Show" was most excellent tonight.

"Rove should get a medal." Faux News' John Gibson is fucking insane.

Although, giving Rove a Medal of Freedom would fall in line with the grand tradition of rewarding failure in the Shrub White House. Condi, Bremer, Tenet, Gonzales, etc.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Exercise Update. I had planned on reporting at this point that I had completed Week 5 of the exercise program. But I didn't plan on having significant pain in my right knee after finishing Week 3. And while I might be a wedge of spite, that wasn't enough to make me risk a more serious injury by pushing right on through. So I've taken the past two weeks off.

Then does this mean that the few of you who voted that I would make it 3-6 weeks before feigning or being injured are correct? Oh no, my friends. Allow me to use some Rovian parsing. I did not actually say that I would complete the program in nine consecutive weeks. I only said that it was a nine week program and that I was intent on completing those nine weeks. A-ha. I left myself an opening. I'll be picking back up tomorrow with a week of just walking, and then next week I'll re-do the third week and continue from there. And if all goes well, I'll finish the first week of September.

Being 29 is great. Just great.

Squeal, Scotty, Squeal. Poor little Scotty McMuffin had a rough day at the White House Press Pantsing (Quicktime movie link). He really could've used some lovin from Jeff Gannon on a day like today.

Here is a thorough collection of past statements Scotty has made defending Rove

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Oh, Karl. Look what you've done. You've gone and made Scotty McMuffin look like a fool.

A few simple questions: Did shrub ever ask Rove if he was involved?

If he did and Rove said "No," then how does Shrub feel about being lied to?

If Rove said "Yes," then what the hell is he still doing in the Cracker Crib?

If Shrub didn't ask Rove, then why not? Simple-- you don't ask questions that you don't want answered.

Prison orange will look good on ya, Karl.

Of course, now that it's clear that Rove was involved in the effort to discredit Wilson, it's almost a certainty that nothing will happen. Getting my hopes up has not done much good in the past with this cabal.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Saturday Lemur Blogging

Black Lemur (female)

Friday, July 08, 2005

Asshats. Tragedy often brings out the best in people. But for Faux News, it provides a glimpse into just what a bunch of soulless mofos they are. Exhibit A. And Exhibit B.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I'm just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me.

Neanderthal Genome May Be Reconstructed
FRANKFURT, Germany - German and U.S. scientists have launched a project to reconstruct the Neanderthal genome, the Max-Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology said Wednesday.

The project, which involves isolating genetic fragments from fossils of the prehistoric beings who originally inhabited Europe, is being carried out at the Leipzig-based institute.

"The project is very new and is just at its beginning," said Sandra Jacob, a spokeswoman for the institute. "We have already been in contact with Bill O'Reilly, Karl Rove, and Tom DeLay about obtaining DNA samples to compare with samples from the fossils."

Jacob added, "Mr.O'Reilly was unusually excited at first, but he sounded disappointed when we said we could simply swab his mouth for the sample and that a loofah would not be necessary."

Law & Order: SCOTUS.

Ex-Sen.Thompson to Oversee Court Nominee.
GLENEAGLES, Scotland - President Bush has named former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson to help shepherd his yet-to-be named Supreme Court nominee through the Senate, White House spokesman Scott McClellan said Wednesday.

Thompson, a Republican and actor on the NBC television series "Law & Order," agreed to accept the post in a telephone conversation with the president on Monday, McClellan said.

President Bush said, "I seen Sen.Thompson on that show 'Law & Order', and I said, that's my kind of guy, he really knows his stuff. I can't remember a time when he didn't get the bad guy in the end. Heck, maybe he could even help us find a few evildoers while he's at it. Because it's hard work."
Just so long as the blonde assistant D.A. isn't involved.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Which one's Pink? The Live 8 concerts went on over the weekend, providing further proof that Tim McGraw and Faith Hill really are out of place performing at the Circus Maximus in Rome. MTV and VH1 had been pimping the event for weeks, talking up all the performances and how they'd be carrying it live. I don't really give a hoot about Linkin Bizkit performing with Jay-Z or Paul McCartney doing "Hey Jude" for the millionth time. You're a Beatle. We get it.

But what I do get excited about is a Pink Floyd reunion sans Syd Barrett. Floyd was the first band that I ever really got into as a teenager. When she wasn't telling me how much I stank or questioning my sexuality, one of the nice things my sister did for me when I was fourteen was to give me a few copied tapes of Pink Floyd albums. Though to be fair to her, I probably did stink, and had I ever worn a tutu when I was ten--which I'm not saying I did-- it was only because she was blackmailing me.

So the point is, I was giddy as a schoolgirl that Pink Floyd would be playing a set in London. Fortunately, AOL was streaming the concerts live over the web, one of the few things that AOL has actually done well in its history. And so I was able watch all four songs, and it whupped a camel's ass. MTV, on the other hand, proved once again that nobody else takes the music out of television better than MTV. It was truly the worst coverage of anything ever, and so it was completely predictable. Rather than show performances live, they showed them a few hours later. And even then, they only showed a snippet of the song before cutting away to commercials or some sycophantic interview with the bass player for Deep Purple.

And so I was surprised when MTV stuck with the Pink Floyd performance all the way through "Breathe," "Money," and "Wish You Were Here." For their final song, they played "Comfortably Numb," and right in the middle of the song, they cut away to one of the no-talent asshat veejays...


...and then they cut to commercial one minute before the end of the set. Luckily, I had the webstream going, so no worries. But whatever producer made that call should be drug out in the street and be stoned mercilessly.

And I haven't heard otherwise, but I'm guessing that the leaders at the G8 conference don't give a fu-u-u-uck what the lead singer from Maroon 5 thinks about global poverty.

AOL is still hosting all the London, Philly, and Toronto performances and all of the Berlin, Paris, and Rome performances.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Independence Day.
Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.

Ms.Ginny Stroud, Dazed and Confused

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Caption this. Karl Rove edition.

Lazy Saturday Lemur Blogging

Ring-tailed Lemur

Tom? What do you have to say about this?
I've never agreed with lemurs, ever. Before I was a Scientologist I never agreed with lemurs. And when I started studying the history of lemurs, I understood more and more why I didn't believe in lemurs.

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