"The last third is usually backwash."
Stephen Colbert is a comedy god. His speech at last night's White House Correspondents Dinner was the stuff of legend. Apparently, Shrub didn't think so. Understandably so as this was the first time in five years that Commander Coocoo Bananas had to sit there for 20 minutes and listen to someone tear him down. Greatest thing on C-Span since the Al Franken/Bill O'Reilly feud at the 2003 Los Angeles Book Expo.

You can watch it in three parts. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

$6300 suit.
Bill Frist feels your pain from high gas prices. So what does the multi-millionaire propose? $100 rebates checks!

About those hookers. Just how many Congressman were in on that action? A trip to Scarborough Country (a place I generally try to avoid) suggests as many as half a dozen.

My birthday is coming up. Names and faces would be nice. So would a Rove indictment.

Why I read the Times. No, not the NY Times. I'm talkin 'bout Roanoke. It had been several days since I checked in with the Letters to the Editor. And I wasn't disappointed.

I will warn you of this. If the Democrats ever get Congress and the White House again, Americans will die. They want open borders, a smaller military and to befriend terrorism. This is a fact.

Is the letter about a)terrorism b)the budget c)immigration d)Victory Stadium? If you said "C," then you're correct.

"This is a fact." You hear that? A FACT! What a maroon.

Hookers and Gin. It's hard out here for a Congressman. First, the hookers. Duke Cunningham and others appear to have been knee-deep. Ang then the gin. Rep.John Sweeney (R-NY) showed up to a frat party drunk.

What will we tell the children???

Insane in the membrane. This guy is crazy. His name is Dean Karnazes. His plan is to run 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days. That's crazy.

Techie question. We have Verizon DSL with a wireless router. The laptop can pick up the signal, but it can't actually make the connection. We can connect to other people's wireless signals but not our own. The router is a Westell 327W.

Anybody know how to fix this?

My nemesis.
Up until four years ago, I never had any problems with allergies. I could snort a line of pollen and roll around in poison ivy with no consequence. But that all stopped, and last spring I finally had to get my first prescription of allergy meds. Things have kicked in even earlier this year, so now my eyes are itchy and I can't stop blowing my nose ("Tobias, you blowhard"). So I took one of the four remaining Allegra pills from last season and need to call in a refill. That stuff's expensive. Lucky me, I get to pay full price. I don't have a precription plan since I calculated that so long as I stay healthy and spend less than $450/yr on meds then I'm saving money. That right there is why these "health savings accounts" Shrub has proposed are a bad idea. We don't need to encourage even more people to make these gambles with their health.

Fair and Balanced. The hiring of Faux News' Tony Snow to be the new Minister of Propaganda if just something that you couldn't make up. Something else that isn't made up is this batch of quotations from the new hire regarding his new boss. Just a few months ago, Tony Show said, "George Bush has become something of an embarrassment."

Blah blah blah. Nothing to see here.

Where are all the trivia questions on washingtonpost.com asking when the last time some city with a 2/3 majority white population elected a mayor who was not white? I'm sure there are plenty that fit the bill.

Friday night info dump. What interesting things pop up on the internets on a Friday night.

Item! You know how much Shrub hates leaks? Well, what'll he say about allegations that Condiliar leaked defense info to AIPAC, a pro-Israel lobby? And will the WaPo tell us this is a "good leak"? Especially given that today a CIA officer was fired for allegedly leaking info on the U.S. network of secret prisons. What's that I smell? It's...it's...hypocrisy.

Item! The total number of terror attacks worldwide tripled in 2005 compared to 2004. Half the fatalities occurred in Iraq. So much for the war making the world a safer place.

Sleep, Dick, sleep. Being Dick is hard work.

And Katherine Harris is both corrupt and nutty.

Update: Holy jeebus is she a fruit loop.

G-Map Pedometer. It's cool. Not as cool as Google Earth, but still nifty.

Fitz. Red rover, red rover, send Karl right over. Fitzgerald reportedly met with the grand jury yesterday:

Just as the news broke Wednesday about Scott McClellan resigning as White House press secretary and Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove shedding some of his policy duties, Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald met with the grand jury hearing evidence in the CIA leak case and introduced additional evidence against Rove, attorneys and other US officials close to the investigation said.

The grand jury session in federal court in Washington, DC, sources close to the case said, was the first time this year that Fitzgerald told the jurors that he would soon present them with a list of criminal charges he intends to file against Rove in hopes of having the grand jury return a multi-count indictment against Rove.

Oh yeah. That's some good stuff.

Unnaturally Unseen. Ten years ago, we were in the midst of an unnaturally long stretch of not seeing Unnatural Man. The first year of college was winding down, the grass in the Sunken Gardens had turned green, the grill had been fired up....but something was missing. That something was the Man. Would we ever see him and his plastic complexion again? We'd just have to wait and hope.

No more Scotty McMuffin. Scott McClellan has resigned as the White House's Propaganda Press Secretary. And in another move to rearrange the chairs on the Titanic, Rove is leaving as deputy chief of staff "to focus more on politics." Ummm...because he was doing what before? Replacing him will be the deputy budget director.

It has been rumored that McClellan's replacement will be Dan Senor whose previous position was advisor to Paul Bremer in Iraq and chief spinner for the CPA, and whose latest title is "husband of NBC's Campbell Brown."

George W. Bush's Roses.
Someone remind me--What country do we live in? Via ThinkProgress:

Today at the White House Easter Egg Roll, dozens of children “from the stricken Gulf Coast region serenaded First Lady Laura Bush with a song praising the beleaguered Federal Emergency Management Agency.” To the tune of “Hey Look Me Over,” the kids from Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama sang:

“Our country’s stood beside us
People have sent us aid.
Katrina could not stop us, our hopes will never fade.
Congress, Bush and FEMA
People across our land
Together have come to rebuild us and we join them hand-in-hand!”

Uuuuuuuugggghhhhh. Blech.

(Screengrab taken from RobPongi.com)

Hidey-Ho.
I live in a toilet. On several occasions, there has been urine on the garbage room floor in our building. And today when I got home, there was in the corner of the vestibule a rather large piece of doodoo-pie. WTF??? The dogs in our building are small, and I would imagine they don't eat entire meatloafs.

This isn't the first time I've had issues like this. Recall when someone pissed on our car.

It's not a water hazard. It's a wetland.
And ketchup is a vegetable.

Thursday (March 30), Interior Secretary Gale Norton called a press conference to claim our long nightmare of wetlands loss had finally come to an end due to unprecedented gains since 1997. However, she then admitted much of that gain has been in artificially created ponds, such as golf course water hazards and farm impoundments.
....
Researchers long ago established that natural wetlands such as marshes, swamps and prairie potholes are far more productive than even the best-designed artificial wetlands. And sharp-edged water bodies like water hazards, farm ponds, and even reservoirs offer very little for wildlife. Putting man-made ponds in the same class as natural wetlands is like ranking pen-raised quail with wild coveys.

So who are these tree-huggers denouncing Bushco's record on wetlands? Why, it's Field & Stream.

The Thirty-Percenters. On occasion while I'm sitting high above in my ivory tower of East coast elitist liberalism, I wonder how in the world it is possible that Shrub maintains an approval rating above 30% despite all the facts indicating that he is the worst president ever.

That's why I read the Roanoke Times letters to the editor for perspective.

President is too good a Christian to lie

There have been several letters to the editor in this newspaper calling President Bush a liar. I do not believe this.

Rather, I believe the president acted on false information.

I also believe he is too much of a Christian gentleman to deliberately lie to the American people.

When the president called a news conference recently to introduce his new chief of staff, Joshua Bolten, his outgoing chief of staff, Andy Card, spoke and quoted a verse from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes.

This led me to believe that Card is a Godly and upright man, who would not have stayed on the job for five years, as he did, if he thought the president was a liar.

I also believe that Bolten would not have agreed to be the new chief of staff if he thought the president were a liar.

Robert S. McCormick Jr.

Lexington

How can you argue with that? Too good a Christian to lie. Too much of a gentleman. Well, that trumps any argument I might have to the contrary. I'll bet Robert S McCormick Jr. also thinks that Adam and Eve rode to church on dinosaurs.

In my world, this letter would be a cleverly concocted parody of the hypocrisy of the Bushco criminal enterprise. But in my world, Bush and pals would already be in leg irons breaking rocks. And since the latter is not true, the first cannot be true. Though the repeated use of the word "liar" does strike me as a bit suspicious. So maybe Mr.McCormick is a clever one. But, I think that's just the high altitude of the ivory tower clouding my judgment.

That's just how they roll.

WASHINGTON -- One of the oldest White House traditions, the Easter Egg Roll, will take place on Monday.

Limited tickets are free to the public, and a large group of gay and lesbian parents is organizing a "camp-out" to make sure the White House knows America has nontradition families, too.

"It's important for people to know that gay and lesbian parents are here, that they exist, that they are raising children and that we, like all parents, want to participate in the great traditions of this country," said Jennifer Chrisler, of the Family Pride Coalition.

White House officials offered no comment other than to say that all families are welcome.
....
However, news of the gay and lesbian families' plans got mixed reviews from the public.

One man said he's opposed based on his religion.

"So, for them to publicly display themselves in that manner of the Easter Egg Roll, which is for children like that. It kind of brings about discouragement for me," D.C. resident Michael Jackson said.

Michael fucking Jackson. Kudos to the reporter who chose to go with that man's quotation. You made me laugh.

Others said the group is playing politics by publicizing its plan.

"I don't see why they have to make a production out of it. Nobody has ever said, as far as my knowledge, that they can't participate. So, why not just do it and enjoy the day?" Sharon Parker said.

Um, Sharon? You might want to talk to Michael Jackson about that one.

And just for the record, there is no War on Easter. How do I know? Falafelman O'Reilly told me so.

It's good to be Dick.
Shotgun Cheney is getting a $1.9 Million tax refund. There's something particularly delicious about that. Iraq is a disaster, the New Orleans recovery is a mess, the budget is a joke, Medicare reform is a bust, poverty keeps increasing, median income growth is stalled, and this fucking pig is getting back $1.9 million. Mmm...that's good.

Friday Cat Blogging




Being a cat is hard work if you can get it.
(Photos by YLH Legal Counsel)

Big Time. Cheney is a Pathological liar.

You'd think this sort of shit combined with the continued clusterfuck that is Iraq would make Murkans a little more hesitant when it comes to sabre-rattling. Apparently not. But at least some are wising up that Bush can't be trusted with any decision greater than whether to biggie size your value meal.

War on Easter
Don't worry, the Falafelman is on the case. Bill O'Reilly is defending the Easter Bunny from those who would have us all living in a world without easter egg hunts and marshmallow peeps. And, according to Falafel, just who is waging the War on the Easter Bunny? Why, the secularists, of course.

But it's the Christian fundamentalists who remind us that the Easter Bunny is for drunks and cutters.

Your lying ears. Watch video of Cheney walking out to throw the first pitch at the Nationals home opener, and then decide for yourself if you agree with the Post's description.

I have an inside source who was at the game. I'll let you know how he describes the scene.

Oh, and Bush is a lying liar. And I don't like him. Shocking, huh? Yeah, I know. It's gotten to be a bit boring.

The answer is: Worst. President. Ever. What an embarrassment.

Item! Murderball. You should see it.

Item! Coke Blak. I think I like it, but I know I shouldn't.

Item! Kiefer Sutherland reportedly signed on for another three days of "24." If CTU is subsumed under DHS, we're screwed. As if CTU weren't bad enough on the background checks.

Item! Last place teams dumping star players toward the end of a fantasy basketball league season is a chump move. Get out the Tim Duncan voodoo dolls.

Item! George W. Bush. One of the worst presidents ever? Or the worst president ever?

Item! Inside Man. I'm easily amused. And so I was. But my Legal Counsel agrees with Ebert.

Item! Indian food cannot be beat. Lamb nilgiri korma. Mmm.

Scotty McMuffin. What a tool.

Bloggity blog blog. According to a teaser on Raw Story, the WaPo.com is going to hire another conservative blogger along with a liberal blogger. Certainly they did their homework this time. And whoever took the job, that took a big set of cajones. Cuz you know some jackass loser is going to start digging around.

Update: According to the story, there won't be a formal announcement, and the two will supposedly have more of a background in journalism. Not that it will stop those unhinged angry leftist jackals.

Yet another sex offender. Via ThinkProgress, this is Number 4.

“A high-ranking Defense Department IT official has been arrested and indicted on child pornography charges. … [C]ourt documents allege that Lynch had been operating a peer-to-peer file-sharing program on a computer in his office at DISA. Agents confiscated several computers and more than 1,000 CDs from Lynch’s office.”

Noted without comment so that I do not again channel Nancy Grace.

Leaker in Chief. Via TPM, "Bush: When I do it, it's not a leak." Also, Abu Gonzales let's me know that my phone calls are likely already being tapped.

Shorter Bushco: We'll do whatever the fuck we want to do.

Mess-o-potamia. Blasts at Baghdad Shiite Mosques Kill Scores. At least 50 dead. Why does the media want us to lose in Iraq? Why do they keep focusing on this bad news? If the suiciders knew they weren't getting attention on the news every night, they'd surely stop it. What if this were happening here?

Washington, DC, April 7 -- Explosions tore through three Catholic churches in Washington, DC, on Friday as hundreds of worshipers were at prayer.

Initial reports from police put the death toll at 50 or more.

A Post reporter at the scene said what sounded like three mortars hit the largest of the churches in Georgetown. Police reported seven dead and 18 wounded in that explosion.

Police fired wildly into the air as pickup trucks hauled away the dead and wounded.

Across DC, suicide attackers blew themselves up among worshipers at two other Catholic churches, said Pat McGroyne, a top aide to Cardinal Smitty McBean.

The bombers hit two heavily Catholic neighborhoods, one in Georgetown, the other near Dupont Circle.

McGroyne said at least 30 people were killed at the two churches. Police still were removing bodies, he said.

In other news, a school was reopened in Alexandria, Va.

Why, it just doesn't make any sense if that were the case that the school opening wouldn't get more attention. Especially if bombings like that were happening all the time. It's just common sense, people.

And now for something completely different.

Cat Video Montage!!!!!!

ADD sent this one around a while back but I couldn't find it hosted anywhere til now.

This is fucked up. In its seemingly endless attempt to lose every shred of credibility it may have left, the WaPo gives the lawyer for internet sex offender and DHS deputy press secretary Brian Doyle an opportunity to spin, spin, spin away.

Depression, likely triggered by the death of two siblings, may have led the Department of Homeland Security's deputy press secretary, Brian J. Doyle, to reach out to a Florida detective posing as a 14-year-old girl on the Internet, his attorney said today.

"Reach out"?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me? He wasn't reaching out to a detective. He was trying to mess with what he thought was a 14 year old girl. That's not trying to "reach out." Ugh. But please, continue.

[Doyle's defense attoryney] Helfand said the allegations against his client are serious, but he noted that Doyle has a stellar reputation.

"Mr. Doyle has risen to some of the highest levels of our government," Helfand said. "I understand that he has a spotless record."

*HAD* He *HAD* a spotless record. Possibly because he'd not been caught before. So, so stupid. If only there were a conservative blogger at WaPo to give us perspective on all this.

Voice of Reason: Yeah, okay, let the lawyer have his say since it doesn't matter anyway. Better examples are available for why the best use for the WaPo is lining in the birdcage.

Tweety and Tom, sitting in a tree. Chris Matthews loves Tom DeLay.

I mean it, stop. Stop saying that the Bush administration is populated by criminals.

The deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security was arrested Tuesday for using the Internet to seduce what he thought was a teenage girl, authorities said.

Brian J. Doyle, 55, of Silver Spring, Md., was arrested on charges of use of a computer to seduce a child and transmission of harmful material to a minor. The charges were issued out of Polk County, Fla.

Doyle had a sexually explicit conversation with what he believed was a 14-year-old girl whose profile he saw on the Internet on March 14, the Polk County Sheriff's Office said in a statement.

The girl was an undercover Polk County Sheriff's Computer Crimes detective, the sheriff's office said.

Doyle sent the girl pornographic movie clips and had sexually explicit conversations via the Internet, the statement said.

During other online conversations, Doyle revealed his name, that he worked for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and offered his office and government issued cell phone numbers, the sheriff's office said.

Maybe it was his evil twin.

Stop it. Stop saying the rightwing is full of racist freaks. What a crazy idea.

Jeebus. That shite will rot your brain.

Tick-tock.

Flip-Flop Express. John McCain, contortionist.

Catching up with Unnatural Man.

3/29 UC
Long time, no see.

4/5 UC
Even Unnatty Man can't save me this week.

Can't save me this week either. Busy busy.

Tick-tock goes the clock.

Bye, Tom.
Looks like we won't have the Bugman to kick around anymore. Tom DeLay won't seek reelection.