Saturday Lemur Blogging
Red Ruffed Lemur
This is the greatest and most powerful blog in the history of the universe. Solid.
The Bush Plan for Social Security The dark blue line represents benefits under the current plan. The light blue line represents Shrub's plan to "fix" social security. Any questions?
For years now, I have struggled with a question of faith--Are Christian Science and dental braces incompatible with each other? Let me explain why....
KING: How about orthodontists?So yes, America, you can both be a Christian Scientist and also have braces. But setting out to date ugly people is a bad strategy.
HARRIS: For teeth.
KING: For teeth.
HARRIS: Sure, that's OK. You can have your teeth cleaned.
KING: You can have braces put on.
HARRIS: You can have braces put on, sort of a mechanical
thing, and a haircut.
KING: So all Christian Science kids aren't walking around
with crooked teeth.
HARRIS: That's right.
Because he got high. Poor Rush Limbaugh. The Florida Supreme Court rejected his appeal claiming that his medical records were illegally seized. First, the Florida courts tried to kill Terri Schiavo. Now they're out to make Limbaugh someone's prag. Who will stop these freedom-hating, radical activist judges?
Dog. This is Tiberius, winner of the 26th annual Drake Most Beautiful Bulldog Contest. Kick ass.
Not a good listener. Via Kos:
From today's Social Security event in Galveston, Texas:He really just doesn't give a shit. These people are just props for his Bamboozlepalooza. Any normal person wouldn't sit there and listen to someone say that he has missed out on the first three months of his child's life and will again have to leave his family in a week (because of said person's own actions) and say, "Yes, great."
MR. BENTLEY: And we're operating in central Iraq. I'll be back there next week.
THE PRESIDENT: How many children you got?
MR. BENTLEY: We have two children. We have a four-year-old son named Patrick, and a three-month-old daughter named Elaine that I just got to meet for the first time.
THE PRESIDENT: Really?
MR. BENTLEY: Yes, sir.
THE PRESIDENT: No wonder you're emotional. (Laughter.) That's awesome.
MRS. BENTLEY: She was born two days after he deployed.
THE PRESIDENT: Yes, great.
THE PRESIDENT: Mary is with us. Mary Mornin. How are you, Mary?Goddam, Shrub is an optimist. Only he could see being a single parent working three jobs with a mentally challenged child as "Fantastic." If working three jobs is uniquely American, isn't that a sign that something is just a little fucked up?
MS. MORNIN: I'm fine.
THE PRESIDENT: Good. Okay, Mary, tell us about yourself.
MS. MORNIN: Okay, I'm a divorced, single mother with three grown, adult children. I have one child, Robbie, who is mentally challenged, and I have two daughters.
THE PRESIDENT: Fantastic.
THE PRESIDENT: Yes, but nevertheless, there's a certain comfort to know that the promises made will be kept by the government.
MS. MORNIN: Yes.
THE PRESIDENT: And so thank you for asking that. You don't have to worry.
MS. MORNIN: That's good, because I work three jobs and I feel like I contribute.
THE PRESIDENT: You work three jobs?
MS. MORNIN: Three jobs, yes.
THE PRESIDENT: Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that. (Applause.) Get any sleep? (Laughter.)
MS. MORNIN: Not much. Not much.
THE PRESIDENT: Well, hopefully, this will help you get you sleep to know that when we talk about Social Security, nothing changes.
MS. MORNIN: Okay, thank you.
THE PRESIDENT: That's great.
"I did not have sex with that woman." Remember when in an interview with Polish television, Shrub said:
We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories. You remember when Colin Powell stood up in front of the world, and he said, Iraq has got laboratories, mobile labs to build biological weapons. They're illegal. They're against the United Nations resolutions, and we've so far discovered two. And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them.Ummm....No.
Saturday Lemur Blogging
Fingering the culprit. The woman who claimed to have found a severed finger in her Wendy's chili has been arrested for what appears to be a hoax. I'm shocked. Shocked, I say. The question still remains--where did she get that finger?
Nothing to see here. Abu Ghraib? Fuhgeddaboutit. I'm shocked that nobody higher in the chain of command is being held accountable. Shocked, I say.
Movin' on up. Here's what you'd call a feel-good story related to everyone's favorite blowhard Bill "Falafel" O'Lielly.
Who's the Pope, Part II. BGW notes the similarity between the new Pope and the Emperor from the original Star Wars series. Fitting as the Sith and the Catholic Church both have a history of targeting young boys.
Hacktacular. Alan Greenspan is so highly over-rated. He's the Brian Bosworth of economics. He's the Grateful Dead, the Jennifer Lopez, the Ronald Reagan. What nugget of wisdom does Mr.Greenspan have for us today?
"The federal budget is on an unsustainable path, in which large deficits result in rising interest rates and ever-growing interest payments that augment deficits in future years."No, really? Now why is it that we have huge deficits? Oh, that's right--it's because of those massive tax cuts for the wealthy that Greenspan supported. According to the CBPP:
Indeed, the contribution of the tax cuts to the current deficit exceeds the contributions attributable to other factors, such as the economic downturn. A new CBO study finds that the direct effects of the business cycle account for only six percent of the 2004 deficit. Furthermore, when the cost of all legislation enacted since 2001 is considered, the tax cuts are found to cost more than all program increases combined, including increases in military expenditures, homeland security, and education spending. Domestic discretionary spending (which is funded on an annual basis) is now being singled out by the President and Congress for reductions. The cost of the tax cuts, however, is 18 times the cost of the increases in domestic discretionary spending.Of course, this won't stop Shrub from pushing for making the tax giveaways permanent.
Here's a clip from last night's Daily Show lampooning Shrub's fake townhall meetings.
Who's the Pope? See if you can pick out the new Pope!
If you said, "d," you're right!
(Yeah, I know I'm a little behind on the news cycle here)
Warning: If you believe in a place called hell/sheol/gehenna/tartarus/hades and fear that you might end up there one day, then I would recommend that you not read Terri's Blog (via suckful.net).
SCOTUS. It seems that the French infiltration of the Rehnquist/Scalia Supreme Court runs deeper than any freedom-lovin Murkan could have imagined:
The Supreme Court on Monday declined to consider the constitutionality of state laws that regulate speech and activities within a buffer zone around abortion clinics.Who will save us from these radical activist judges? Where's Bill Frist when you need him? Maybe he's too busy killing cats or warning people about the dangers of contracting HIV from tears and sweat.
Without comment, justices let stand a lower court ruling upholding a Massachusetts law that was passed after the 1994 fatal shooting of two abortion clinic workers. Anti-abortion protesters say the state-mandated zones have unfairly become a place where only abortion rights rhetoric can be uttered.
The law, which creates a six-foot buffer zone around patients within an 18-foot radius of a clinic entrance, prohibits anyone from approaching without their consent for the purpose of passing leaflets or "engaging in oral protest, education or counseling."
Wrestlemania. When you invite someone who once called himself the Dingo Warrior to talk politics at your campus, how can you expect the results to be anything but bad? The Ultimate Philosopher the Ultimate Warrior is not. Among his other nuggets of wisdom that he shared with a gleeful group of College Republicans, Warrior had this to say regarding gays and lesbians, "Queering doesn't make the world work."
It's mine...my precious! The aye-aye is a nocturnal lemur. Maybe they are nocturnal so that other lemurs are less likely to see how ugly their babies are.
I got nuthin. Really. I can't even focus the indignation that comes from watching the GOP crazies running the roost. And I'm sure I've got some story about peeing in the pancake batter working at IHOP (not really) that I could share, but that would require typing a whole lot more. And I'm tired of typing.
Jeebus. It's the Jesus Action Doll! Collect them all! (via this blog)
A talking Jesus doll is due to go on sale in May, along with versions of Moses, the Virgin Mary and David, as a teddy bear maker tries to find a market with churches and religious families.But you'll have to order your very own talking Jesus over the internet since it won't be available in stores:
The foot-tall Jesus doll will be able to recite five Biblical verses at the push of button on its back, while the Moses doll will recite the Ten Commandments. The Mary doll will recite a long Bible verse.
"In the beginning we don't feel it'd be right to put it in Toys R Us and be next to a Barbie or a Bratz," [Josh Livingston, one of the founders] said.Yeah...because that would be in poor taste or something. The makers have spared no detail as the dolls will have hand-sewn period clothing! You'll have hours of fun knowing that a little girl in Vietnam has put her own personal touch on your Jesus doll.
Love, Wal-Mart style. Via Ineffectual.net-- as if its practices weren't egregious enough, now we have this from Wal-Mart:
On Friday nights, singles looking for romance, mindless flirting or just a new friend head over to their neighborhood Wal-Mart where they're given a big bright red bow to attach to their shopping cart or shopping basket.Fortunately, you can only find this in German Wal-Mart stores. But once it hits in the states, I think a good assignment would be to go to Wal-Mart and add extra items to the flirting points--Magnum brand condoms, KY jelly, rubber gloves, dog collars, and adult diapers to name a few.
Then it's up to the willing participants to approach one another and take it from there.
But if that's too intimidating, Wal-Mart has set up "flirting points" around the stores stacked with "romantic" merchandise, such as chocolates, wine and cheese, to help with that first awkward step.
Don't forget Poland! Poland says to the coalition, "Do widzenia!"
Idiots. Idiots in Arizona. Idiots in Ohio. Idiot on c-span. Idiots in Roanoke. And lastly, idiots in San Jose:
San Jose State has suspended its dance team after a sexy routine at a basketball game triggered a confrontation involving an elderly alumnus and and a 20-year-old dancer.You idiots!
The team is suspended until it develops guidelines to represent the university "at the highest possible standard," the division of intercollegiate athletics decided last week.
The confrontation, captured on videotape by a parent, erupted after a dance during a March 5 home game to the raunchy lyrics of "Move Somethin'" by LL Cool J.
"It was vulgar," said Ray Silva, 74, a San Jose businessman and major university booster. "It was like a burlesque, with bumps and grinds. I just came unglued."
"It has a penis!" Another item to add to my list of things I've said while teaching Intro to Soc.
Unfit for Pageantry. New Ms.Wheelchair Crowned After Dispute:
MILWAUKEE - A new Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been crowned after pageant leaders stripped the original winner of the title when she appeared in a newspaper photograph standing up.The Wheelchair Pageant Veterans for Truth first brought this story into the spotlight, charging in a picture book, "Unfit for Pageantry," that Janeal Lee has lied about her medical history and participation in junior pageants.
The announcement of the new winner Tuesday came amid a storm of protest over pageant officials' decision last week to take the crown away from Janeal Lee, a high school teacher and muscular dystrophy sufferer who uses a scooter as her main way to get around but says she can walk up to 50 feet on a good day and stand while teaching.
Political junk. Good post here on the national debt, social security, and Shrub's plan to screw me and you. The Bugman Tom DeLay is in the news again today. Florida again makes the case for being the craziest state. Army recruiting fell short again...gee, I wonder why.
Oh Lord, indeed! Via The Other Sociologist (and CNN):
Britney Spears and hubby Kevin Federline have said "I do" to star in a UPN reality series that documents their courtship, engagement and wedding.Ha. UPN. A touch of class. And no, I won't be watching this trainwreck.
Featuring what UPN bills as "exclusive, never-before-seen private home videos" of their "personal love story," the six-episode series is scheduled to premiere later this year. It picks up shortly after the pair met in Los Angeles and headed to Europe on tour, where Federline performed as a backup dancer for Spears.
UPN is also shooting new footage and commentary with the couple, who wed in September.
Soy un perdedor. Congratulations to David for winning the NCAA tourney pool challenge. At his age, this is the only type of challenge that he'll be winning. Your major award, Don the Undercover Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figure, will be soon on its way. Anyway, this whole thing was designed as a front to get this damn action figure out of the apartment. Of course, had Illinois not blown it, I'd have proudly displayed Don alongside my Monster Thickburger Challenge Burgermeister Meisterburger. Nice work by Roanoke and Fenway Slim moving up to 2nd and 3rd in the final standings, and better luck next year to Mr.Tibbs' Ten Pound Balls.
Is it really April already? It seems like just ten minutes ago it was March.