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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

BREAKING NEWS: Dick Cheney shot five more senior citizens in the face.

Okay, so maybe he didn't. But if he did, it would be their own fault.

Others have raised more questions regarding the shooting. Particularly, would a .28 gauge from 30 yards have enough force to go through Whittington's clothes and lodge next to his larynx and in his liver. I asked my own Firearms Safety Correspondent (who pointed out his own resemblance to this guy) for his expert opinion:
As for the 30 yard shot, it's hard to say if it had enough force to go that deep. Old farts tend to have thin skin and not much meat on their bones and if he wasn't wearing a lot of clothes, then I suppose if could penetrate that deep. It does seem a bit odd, though.
The shooting occurred close to sundown on a cold, windy afternoon. Odd indeed.

And it would be irresponsible of me to suggest that Cheney was drunk when he shot the old man in the face. Linking to others asking that question, however, is the responsible thing to do. (After all, if nine years ago someone suggested to you that Bill Clinton was having oral sex in the Oval Office with an intern, would you have believed it? Okay, bad example. Insert joke here regarding "shooting" and "face.")

And please, stop saying that Whittington, the 78 year old man that Vice President Dick Cheney shot in the face, had a heart attack. The preferred terminology is irregular heart rhythm. Or, as I prefer to call it, a heart oopsie.

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