The Impaler. After Ronnie James Dio's failed bid for to deliver the presidency to the Underworld in 2004, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey will attempt to give hope once again to the Dark Side in his bid to become the 40th governor of the great state of Minnesota.

In addition to being a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch, he is also an entrepreneur, owning two Covens. He hopes to appeal to a broad base, from other vampyres, witches, and pagans, to the Nascar Dads. While his anti-abortion stance is certain to appeal to religious conservatives, this may be tempered by his statements such as, "I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy." Opponents will have a hard time painting Sharkey as soft on terror given his stated support for impaling terrorists and his skills with the longsword.

Before you discount The Impaler as being "out of the mainstream" or "weird," take a look at this picture of the candidate with Florida Governor Jeb Bush.

Hat tip to Joel for giving me something to blog about.