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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

God and Guns, Part 3. Saturday I went out on the James River with Mike, he in a pontoon and me in a kayak. Like the idiot that I am, I didn't put on any sunscreen before we left. This would prove to be a painful mistake.

We brought along a couple of fishing rods to do some fishing while floating down the river, and we got out a few times and stood in the river to fish in a couple of spots. The first time we stopped, I started to tell Mike about one time my Dad was practicing casting his ocean fishing rod. The first time he cast the line, he caught a fish. He hadn't planned on catching anything, and he didn't plan on keeping what he caught. So, he took it off the hook and released it. He cast it out again, and again he caught another fish. Reeled it in, took it off the hook, and let it go. Third time, same thing happened. There were other people around who were also fishing and began to take notice. A couple of people came over to ask him why he was letting the fish go, and he said that he was just practicing and didn't have anything to take them home in. They told him to keep catching them, and they'd take them from him. So, he cast the line again and caught another fish. He reeled it in, and one of the persons went over to the fish and started clubbing it with something. He was a little shocked by this but figured what the hell and caught a few more for them. As it turns out, he was casting right in the middle of a school of smaller fish that the bigger fish were feeding on, and his lure looked just like the smaller fish.

So as I'm telling Mike this story, I catch a fish with my first try. And then another. And a third in a row. The third was the biggest horny head chub that Mike had ever seen in his 25 years of fishing. I rule.

By the end of the trip, I knew that I was toast. It was a true redneck weekend. But I didn't realize just how badly I had burned. Sunday, my chest, biceps, and shoulders were all red. Not pink, but red. Though the hairier parts of my chest and belly were somewhat protected. Too much information? By Monday evening, I had blisters on my shoulders. From what I read on the internets, it probably wouldn't have been a bad idea to go see a doctor. But it was bad decision making that got me into this mess, so why change now, right? Tuesday, I took the afternoon off from work because the pain was just too much. If I could have gone topless at work, it would've been alright.

Now, the redness is receding, and the blistering has died down. I might actually be able to sleep through the night. I have to give much praise and thanks to my legal counsel who always comes through when I'm acting like a big baby. She readied and applied cold compresses, sprayed on the solarcaine, rubbed on the aloe, changed my diaper, and put up with my extra pissy mood. She deserves far more than what she charges as my legal counsel. Coco and Tibbs were not quite as helpful.

So let this be a lesson to you all. Don't be like me. Don't be an idiot.

On the upside, there are people who pay good money for a skin peel. I'm getting it for free. Mmm...peeling epidermis....

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