Praise the lord and pass the Crisco. Asscrack resigned today. And apparently, everything is under control.

The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.

Really now. My god these people set the bar low. I guess it was all those terror convictions that Ashcroft got after...oh...nevermind, there weren't any. So what was all the apocalyptic talk from Cheney during the election? Good ol' fashioned fear-mongering? Somebody tell Asscrack that shutting down Tommy Chong's bong operation and harassing a bunch of cancer patients for smoking a little weed doesn't amount to winning either the make-believe war on crime or war on terra.

What a dumbass. No wonder he lost a senate race to a dead person. A dead person.

Now all's that's left is to see what kind of Frankenbeast Bush nominates to replace Crisco John. But whoever it is, that person will sure have an easy job now that America is safe from crime and terror.