Primetime Bush. Shrubby will be taking to the airwaves tonight for his third primetime press conference of his residency. A little over a year ago, Shrub held his second primetime press conference weeks before the war in Iraq started. You know---back when we were told that Iraq had stockpiles of WMD ready to be handed over to their trusty allies at al Qaida, the troops would be greeted as liberators, democracy would flourish oh-so-easily, and anyone who said otherwise was an un-American commie bastard who needed to eat some Freedom Fries. Here's a refresher on Shrub's distaste for press conferences and a comparison with other presidents on the number of conferences held.

If we had an independently thinking press that wasn't absolutely neutered by the Bushies, then we could expect some good questions for Shrub tonight---for starters, how can he say that a memo titled, "bin Ladin determined to attack inside U.S.," gave no indication that al Qaida wanted to attack inside the U.S.? Or how does he explain the incredible miscalculations in terms of the post-war occupation and pre-war intelligence on WMD? And maybe someone could ask if he's figured out yet who leaked the name of a CIA operative working clandestinely on issues related to WMD? That'd be a good start, I'd think. Instead, there will probably be only softballs like, "How is your faith helping you pull through these tough times for you? Do you know that so many people are praying for you?", "Was there anything you could have done to prevent the attacks?", "Do you have confidence in Condi?", and "Doesn't John Kerry look French?"

But the real victims in all of this are the poor kids on American Idol who are going to be pre-empted. Maybe they could have the A.I. judges give a post-conference assessment of Shrub's performance:

Randy Jackson: What up, dawg? How ya feelin? How ya feelin?

el-Shrubbo: Hey there slim, I'm doin good, I'm staying the course.

Randy Jackson: A'ight. That wasn't your best peformance, dude. You didn't directly answer a single question, dawg, you were just kinda all over the place, I didn't know what to make of it. It just wasn't there for me tonight, dude. I just wasn't feelin it. Paula?

Paula Abdul: George, I really like your outfit tonight, that tie you picked out is just really wonderful, I could feel your energy. You were a little pitchy in a few spots, and I agree with Randy that it wasn't your best performance. But you're the President, and you're just so cute!

el-Shrubbo: Thank-ya, Paula, this is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.

Paula: Simon, what did you think?

el-Shrubbo: [puffing up his chest, jaw jutted] Yeah, Simon, bring it on.

Simon Cowell: [blank expression] I don't know what to say to that. Absolutely dreadful. [crowd boos, Tom DeLay holds up a "We Heart W" sign]. That was just horrendous, you made absolutely no sense whatsoever. William Hung could do a better job of explaining the continuing violence in Iraq. You're done in this competition.

el-Shrubbo: [smirking] Who cares what you think? I'm a war president! 9/11, 9/11, terror, not my fault, terror.

And then Rummy, Condi, Cheney, and KKKarl Rove would all come out and join Shrubby for a rendition of "California Dreamin."