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Monday, February 23, 2004

"Nuclear conflict, mega-droughts, famine and widespread rioting will erupt across the world."

Remember that cartoon, "Thundar the Barbarian"? A runaway meteor came hurtling too close to the Earth in the year 1994, tearing away the Earth's atmosphere and causing massive tidalwaves, earthquakes, tornados, civil unrest, "superscience and wizardry," and strange mutations in animals leading to that bizarre character Ookla the Mok. Well, it looks like a secret Pentagon report is predicting similar happenings, minus Ookla. And when will all this happen? 200 years? 100 years? Nope. In just 16 years, Britain will be "plunged into a Siberian climate." YAY!!!

If you only read one thing today, make it this article. Whenever I watch movies that depict mass chaos and civil unrest, I wonder to myself how well I would fare in that situation. Thanks to our oh-so progressive environmental and energy policies that have been crafted over the last three decades, it looks like I'll get my chance. And in 16 years when you're knifing your neighbor in the back over the last gallon of clean water in your makeshift compound, just remember your good friend James who told you that it'd be a good idea to watch kung-fu movies to practice up on your kung-fu grip.

But who has time to worry about scary stuff like that when the finale of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance" is on the telly tonight?

On Edit: Just to give you a sense of how twisted and warped my mind is, consider this--the Pentagon report above is an intentional overstatement of the global warming situation with the purpose being to whip up fear among the sheeple who will then be more than happy to give up civil liberties in favor of being protected by the government and virtuous corporations who only have the people's best interests in mind. And to protect ourselves from this impending doom, rather than cut back on the bloated defense budget, we need to increase our spending so that when the time comes, we'll be ready to kill everyone else and take their resources. So this is all just a ruse, a cleverly devised sleight of hand.
"But this is embarrassing to a president who has all but said that global warming is a hoax," you say. Maybe the military-industrial complex has decided that Shrub is no longer the useful idiot that he has been for three years now. But even I find that little bit of reasoning a stretch. So who knows.

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